Turning tricks?

[hearts and roses]

I know this sounds bizarre and out there, and maybe just a wee bit paranoid on my part...but...

You may recall that I posted a week or so ago about difficult child hanging out with this known local dirtbag. What I read (without her knowing) on her facebook between them mentioned some things that confirmed for me they were sexual with one another. In the email I read at the time they made reference to difficult child cleaning his room (at the house he rents a room).

Well, last night, difficult child came out dressed to the nines, very sexy and scantily (granted it was hot and humid, but still...) and her claim was that another friend of hers was picking her up to go over and clean his mom's basement. I asked, "In heels and a mini-skirt?" She said that after she cleaned, she was meeting up with other friends and going out.

Before she ran out of the house looking all beautified to go clean a house, she said, "I'll be back shortly!" I went down to throw out the garbage as she was running towards a waiting car. I asked who was in the car and she said the name of her friend, then she rolled her eyes and told me that the dirtbag was probably with her friend and made an ugly face. Well, as they drove off, I looked and there were only two people in the car, difficult child and a guy - I couldn't see his face.

I think she just went over for a booty call.

When she came blasting in about an hour later, she waved $30 in the air and said, "Yeah, an easy $30". She looked disheveled and her bra strap was all twisted but otherwise seemed normal. Then her girlfriend came and picked her up and she left again. That time I think she was just going out for the evening.

Anyway, I've never been close with anyone who turned tricks, so I'm just wondering has anyone here? Does this sound like what I am feeling in my gut or am I just reading too much into it? My gut is telling me that a) she's beginning a manic cycle and b) she's hiding something.
I am feeling that this creep is paying my daughter for sex. IOW, I don't think she was just making $30 cleaning his room.

 

[Suz]

I don't have the faintest idea but I can understand your concern.

Oh Lordy.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[DammitJanet]

Ugh. Jo. Yes. I went through a short period of time when I did this.

Since I joined Facebook I have been absolutely astounded at it. I think this is the program a parent should insist their kids use as a social networking site if they are going to use but that the parents be a friend. Good lord the info you see! I noticed this when I signed up both me and tony and made us friends. He sees absolutely everything I do and say...lol. All but my emails. I sure couldnt plan an affair on there without him knowing...lol. If you can get to be her friend you would keep track of everything.

 

[everywoman]

Jo--I would also be suspicious. I have two boys. They would never, ever pay someone to clean their rooms. I can't imagine how you must feel. I feel sick just thinking about what she may be getting herself into.

 

[susiestar]

Never EVER doubt your instincts. They exist not only to help and guide you but also for the very basic biological purpose of protecting your young.

I think becoming a friend on her Facebook would be useful. As Janet said, you get to see EVERYTHING. Wiz tried to get around me on it a couple years ago so I created a fake account and he included it as a friend. He wasn't doing anything wrong = THAT TIME= but he did have some things that showed obsessions creeping in. It let us get help for him before he had a really big problem.

I am so sorry she is doing this. I had a neighbor across the breezeway in my college apartment who had a stable of girls. He lived with one, but had 10 others at any given time. It really is NOT a life you want for your daughter.

If you even suspect this, the sad first thing you have to do is go buy the biggest box of condoms you can. Put it in her room, and in her purses if you can. HIV is not the only disease - hepatitis C is supposed to be even more prevalent.

It is better to provide the condoms than have her risk not surviving this. At least in my opinion it is.

You also want to have a frank and open chat about things if you can. Make sure she knows that even "just oral" can cause you to be very sick.

Insist she go and get a drug screen and std screen. The std is most important.

Ihope and pray you are not right - but it sure sounds like you are. I also think that deep down she wants you to put brakes on her - there is NO other reason she would flaunt leaving dressed like that and then flaunt the money right in your face.

There is no way she cleaned. Not that I can see - I never met a guy who would have even cared if the room was cleaned - or cared enough to pay $30 for it.

I hope and pray I am 1000000% wrong.

Many many hugs to you and husband and her. This will be so rough to work through. Make SURE she gets some help esp after she stops doing this - there will be a LOT of guilt and self loathing.

 

[hearts and roses]

I am friends with her on facebook, but there's not much activity on her page. Her primary means of communicating with her friends is via cell or through private messages on facebook. I think she is also on MyLife now - I could check. There is another one like that I think.

Last week sometime I saw on her dresser a paper with all her passwords written down. I am tempted to log on as her and just see....but you see, in my practice to detach lovingly from difficult child, I am having a difficult time forging ahead.

There is a large part of me that says go for it and try to nip it in the bud, but another part of me that says allow her to suffer the natural consequences of her actions. In this case, it would be all her friend's dropping her if they found out, it could mean disease or infection, it could mean her escalating into a full fledged business for her, it could mean a lot of things.

H has been asking me for months "If she has no job and we're not giving her money, where is she getting gas and coffee and cigarette money from?" and I just shrug because I haven't a clue. easy child gave her money for helping her with her cleaning job, and also once in a while would give her $5 for cigarettes, but nothing substantial. It's beginning to make sense now. I am afraid to tell H of my suspicions.

On top of all this, we're still concerned with her weight loss. She weighed in at 98 lbs at her last check with the Dr, down 3 lbs from last time.

Thanks for your support. I hope I'm wrong, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

 

[JJJ]

I would log in as her and read her private messages. It may reveal more. I would also take her for the std screen and let the doctor know what you fear and hopefully the doctor can get through to her, at least on the safety issues. Maybe if you gave the doctor the big box of condoms and the doctor gave them to her, she'd be more likely to use them????????????

 

[witzend]

Whatever it is, it's not good, I'm sure.

 

[Hound dog]

Jo

Trust your instincts. I don't believe this dirt bag paid her 30 bucks to clean his room. Most especially not dressed the way she was. No one is gonna want to clean in that sort of getup and then go out after.

I understand the detach thing. But she's living in your home. Which makes it your business.

What worries me is if dirtbag has convinced her to do this for him.....who else has he convinced her to do it for? And if he hasn't yet, it's probably in the near future.

I've had this playing in the back of my mind with K and try hard not to think about it much. But I wondered about it when she was here. When she'd get on my computer she'd always be chatting with guys and using those sites where you hook up with people. And I see some evidence of the same behavior on her MySpace page. But since I have no way to know for sure...... I let it go.

But I'll tell you for someone who's living off welfare she can sure come up with money for things she wants/kids want ect. They aren't well off by any means, but still, I know what a welfare income is like......so I know she shouldn't have the money for some of the stuff she's doing. And I know her Mom isn't giving it to her cuz she's been out of work since last year.

I hope this is not what she's doing. It's not a good road to start on and can go downhill fast. Not to mention the danger of it.

Hugs

 

[Star*]

The only tricks I've ever turned were three card Monty - but....well.....lets see...

Here are some things I do know - Dude has a Myspace page that is for ME to see with some OUTRAGEOUS things on it just to peeve me off and keep me with WILL YOU TAKE THAT OFF? and then I discovered one day he has ANOTHER MS page with the other stuff NOT SUITABLE for Mothers eyes.

He also has a facebook page - with little to nothing on it - so do not be surprised if the one you are friends on is just FOR your benefit.

As far as cleaning house - well I live in a college town and Craigs list is HUGE here - there are advertisements ALL the time for girls to come clean house scantily clad - there is no sex involved, just cleaning and I'm not sure what the guys are doing but I have an idea (insert finger down throat) there are also girls that come and mow your lawn in bikinis - now while I think this is stupid and dangerous. I would never weed eat without jeans, shoes and socks.

Do you think it's time for you to have that - you have until X to move out talk? I'm sorry she's causing stress for you again. UGH - Gosh I just LOVE our kids.

 

[BusynMember]

The really tawdry stuff on the social networking is usually done privately. I do think you have a reason to worry, although I'm not sure of what. Her drastic weight loss is likely drug abuse. If she is "turning tricks" it could be to help pay for her habit. Unfortunately, this is a common combination.

Hoping I'm wrong (((hugs)))

 

[susiestar]

In light of her having money for smokes, gas, etc... when she isn't working and hasn't gotten money from you, well, chances are high that you are not mistaken.

The weight loss could be drugs, could also be self-loathing because she hates what she is doing, but not enough to motivate her to find a real job.

Chances are the loser is at least asking her to "see" his friends. It seems to be the way pimps develop a girl, at least it is in this college town.

I know you are trying to detach. I would still get those passwords and investigate. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. After all, she IS living in YOUR home, subsidized by YOUR money. If she is turning tricks, maybe she should go and live on what she makes. I know my parents would have kicked me out in a New York Minute if I ever turned a trick. Prostitution is just so horrible for every aspect of a woman - heart, body, mind and soul.

You probably need to speak with H, much as you dread it, to figure out what you will and won't tolerate. I would also do the drug test and doctor visit for the STD check and doctor lecture. (When Wiz told me he had been irresponsibly intimate at 14 he had to go to the doctor for a FULL checkup and all testing the doctor thought necessary. The doctor gave a GREAT wake-up call lecture also.)

I am so sorry. She may feel unable or unworthy of getting out of that life, or of more than that life. She also may regard it as a quick buck. Sadly many young people don't think of it as a big deal, at least outwardly. So they dig in deep by hiding their shame. And it is very very common for girls (and guys) to turn tricks for drugs. There was one episode of Intervention where the girl told her parents and GRANDMA that she had to go meet a guy for this. She rubbed it in their faces - "You won't give me money for drugs so I HAVE to do it."

PLEASE don't EVER buy that song and dance. There are organizations that help girls who have fallen into this life. If I can find any links I will send them to you.

I hope you have a therapist you can talk to. I am sorry this is even a possibility.

 

[witzend]

Does she have a cell phone with GPS? You might try tracking her...

 

[DDD]

I'm just posting to send supportive hugs to you. There is a "thing" about easy money with this generation that astounds me. We have had CD members who have had to travel the rough road of prostitution and strip club performances etc. It was torturous just reading their fears.

I would be shocked to hear that "a box of condoms" or a lecture etc. would have any effect. She knows. The threat of disease and death in my humble opinion would
cause her to snicker. I don't think there is much you actually can do to protect her. If you have a decent one on one relationship, I think the best
chance of having an impact would be a conversation strictly between the two of you where you calmly express your concerns, ask if there is anyway you can help make her life better and then listen. I doubt she will "share" any real problems but she should have the chance. Then end the talk with "although you can always come to us for help, these are the rules that Dad and I have agreed would serve our family best." I hate to be pessimistic but I think that's the best you can do. Sending hugs your way. DDD

 

[rejectedmom]

Jo I just want to send my support also. I know that these thoughts are not easy to deal with. I too have had this suspision when my difficult child was doing drugs. I knew he had to be either muling or tricking to get the money he always seemed to have. To this day I do not know if he did either but I still suspect so. It can tear you up inside wondering. I had to actively work at quieting my thoughts. I hope you are wrong and I hope you can convince her to help herself to good health. -RM

 

[standswithcourage]

I sent my support too. I cant imagine wondering about that. Ihope everything turns out to be ok.

 

[KTMom91]

Sending supportive hugs.

 

[hearts and roses]

Seems that when things are taking a turn for the better (such as difficult child getting this secretarial job she likes), something else takes a dump.

I still do not know if my suspicions are true or false. I am calling her Dr, whose care difficult child has been under for her weight loss issues, and I'm going to ask her Dr to call difficult child in for another blood test and I'm hoping the Dr will agree to run a drug screen on difficult child. I don't think she's doing drugs, because she recently had to take a pee test for her new job and passed, but that was 3 weeks ago. Since then is when my gut has been churning and several of you have picqued my curiosity as to whether or not that could be a factor in her weight loss.

She has gone out on 3 dates with this guy Eric, who she initially told me was 23. Turns out he is 28 and has a daughter, which he hasn't told her about. She only knows about the daughter through a mutual friend. Why is a 28 year old hanging around a 19 year old?

On an up note, she stayed home all day yesterday and cleaned out her room and dressers, organized her clothes, etc. She seemed content to hang around home, which was nice for a change. Then last night she went out with Eric again. All she ate yesterday was a bagel that I'm aware of.

Thanks for the support. I am very concerned, but trying to keep myself at arm's length - I don't want to lose myself in it.

 

[jbrain]

Hi Jo,
I've been keeping up with you just haven't been able to post for a while. I'm sorry you have these worries with difficult child, must be so stressful with her living under your roof. You are doing a good job not getting sucked in any more than you have to--
Hugs,
Jane

 

[DammitJanet]

Is she trying to lose weight? If so, why? Is she anorexic too? Lordy. There are only so many ways for a person to get money without working. You know she isnt on some sort of welfare. You would know if her father was sending it. That leaves stealing or other forms of theft or conversion. Drugs and the selling of drugs. Some form of sex thing. Maybe its not actual prostetution. Maybe she is letting someone take pictures of her.

Thirty dollars isnt really a whole lot of money for actual sex. That sounds like more of maybe oral sex or maybe a few pictures or even just pawning something stolen. Not that any of that is good mind you.