Ungreatful, disrespective daughter, help

[Kellie Haynes]

I have a 24 year old daughter who has a one year old daughter. My daughter is now staying with me and my husband. The issue is disrespect, and defensive with attacking verbally and vulgarity. Ex; I wake up to find shes went through my things and took my only psir of tennis shoes, shes reuind clothes ect. Also if I or her brothers say anything to her to help direct or correct she attacks with agression vulgarity toward us.

I've tried to be patient to understand to help I just can't take it anymore I am so stressed out my husband and I are fighting because of her my son's won't stay here and visit because she's here.

Another thing that really upset me is that a fork out money for her daughter's first birthday I bought all the supplies I worked 3 days on a cake I helped with the decorations I purchase decorations after the party was completely over I and my husband's mom cleaned while she laid on the couch and did nothing just completely ungrateful for all that anybody does for her.

I just don't know what to do anymore I see her as a 24 year old adult it has no desire for a future she is codependent on these worthless criminal boys and I just don't understand it anymore I don't know what to do.

Please if anyone anyone has any suggestions

 

[Crayola13]

Does she talk like that to her daughter?

 

[BusynMember]

in my opinion its time for her to grow up and move out. Does she work or contribute to the house?,
You can offer to keep the child under your roof, but if she were mine, she would be gone. She is not a young girl anymore and you do her no favors by housing and paying all her bills as thoigh she IS a child. Does she go out snd party too? Usong YOUR car? Use drugs or drink a lot?

We are not obligated to take care of ungrateful twenty four year old women who abuse us. Its your decision, of course.

There is nothing you can do to stop an adult from acting poorly, but you dont have to allow her to do it under your roof. Its not safe for her to bring these dangerous men around you, her daughter,vor anyone else who lives with her. You are her mother now, not her mommy and you dont have to enable her horrible behavuor. You cant change anyone but yourself, however you CAN change how YOU deal with her. You dont have to take it.

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you have yhe strength and courage to cut off her money snd give her a month to get ready to move out. You can not take care of her forever. Living this way can make you sick and YOU matter! And your nicer sons deserve a peaceful place to visit. She is not the boss of all of you unless you allow it.
Put her on notice. Jmo. Or she may turn 30 or 40 and still be on your couch barking orders. This is not okay.

 

[pigless in VA]

Welcome, Kellie. I suggest that you change your screenname to something more private.

I'm sorry that your daughter is not behaving like an adult. She IS being abusive, and that is not your fault. I suspect you are reluctant to kick her out, because you are terrified for the safety of your granddaughter. I have a friend in the same circumstance, and she has yet to kick out her daughter due to wanting to provide stability for her granddaughter. The problem is that if you continue to allow her disrespectful and princess-like behavior, it is destructive to everyone else in the family. I hope talking with the parents here will give you some clarity and ideas on how to cope with your stressful situation.

Do you think your daughter is taking drugs? Is that why you mentioned "criminal boys?"

 

[RN0441]

The others gave you great advice. I don't have daughters so not in my realm of understanding but if you treat her like a teenager and do everything for her, she will act like one.

The kids that we write about on these forums tend to be like that. Not easy parenting.

Tough love.

Good luck.