MissLulu
Well-Known Member
Hello everyone,
I haven't been on here much these past few weeks, not since my son moved out. I have been logging on every few days and reading posts to keep up with what is going on with all of you but I haven't been replying or posting much. I apologise for that. I really want to be here for all of you the way you have been for me. It's just been a crazy busy time for a few reasons.
My son moved out of home on March 21, just as the lockdown restrictions were coming into place here in Australia. I live in one of the states with the highest level of restrictions, so my face-to-face contact with my son has been very limited since he left. He is still working (he works in manufacturing and his industry is considered essential.) I'm so grateful that he still has a job. He's still able to pay rent (for those who don't remember, he and his friends are renting a house from us). So far, they've paid the bond and all rent on time and as far as we can tell, they are maintaining the house - mowing the lawn etc. Well, so my son says re the maintenance! My husband has gone there now to check a leak in the garage so I guess we'll see. Under the restrictions, we can visit for maintenance (because we're the landlords), which is fortunate, but we don't want to abuse this and this is the first time either of us have visited since the level three restrictions have been in place.
The first week or two after he moved felt like heaven. I felt like I could breathe out. It's lovely not having to worry about his mood or whether he is coming home or not. However, I'm still not completely out of the woods in terms of my own head noise. The worries and "what ifs" are still there. He is living with three friends and of course none of them can leave the house other than to work. I'm worried that being in lockdown will push him back into a depressed state. Two of the housemates are young men I don't know well. I worry that there may be tension in the house and that my son might not respond well, or that they might all be smoking dope, or that he might break lockdown or... the list goes on.
I'm trying to park this worry. I know that none of these things are within my control and nor are they my business (unless they're doing something illegal on my property). I also have no basis (other than my son's previous history) to think that any of these things are happening.
My current method of dealing with all this is allow myself a few minutes before bed to acknowledge these feelings. After that I say a prayer for him and ask God to take my burden. At the moment this is working. I'm able to sleep and for the most part I'm feeling pretty good.
Which brings me to my thanks. The past eighteen months have been the most difficult of my life. There are things that have happened that I haven't even been able to confide here, because I can't bring myself to write them. I know that there will probably be more angst to come at some point. As long as I am my son's mother there will be some sort of worry or drama. I can't make him into someone he's not. He's doing well right now and I hope and pray this continues - but that's up to him. What you have all taught me is that I can control me. I can control how much of his drama I buy into. I can set boundaries to protect myself and my other children. I've done that and I feel better for it. When I first joined this group I thought I was beyond help, that I could never be happy again. I'm so much better than I was and that's largely due to the help I've received here. So thank you to every single one of you who has responded to me over the past year or so. You've helped me more than you will ever know.
I haven't been on here much these past few weeks, not since my son moved out. I have been logging on every few days and reading posts to keep up with what is going on with all of you but I haven't been replying or posting much. I apologise for that. I really want to be here for all of you the way you have been for me. It's just been a crazy busy time for a few reasons.
My son moved out of home on March 21, just as the lockdown restrictions were coming into place here in Australia. I live in one of the states with the highest level of restrictions, so my face-to-face contact with my son has been very limited since he left. He is still working (he works in manufacturing and his industry is considered essential.) I'm so grateful that he still has a job. He's still able to pay rent (for those who don't remember, he and his friends are renting a house from us). So far, they've paid the bond and all rent on time and as far as we can tell, they are maintaining the house - mowing the lawn etc. Well, so my son says re the maintenance! My husband has gone there now to check a leak in the garage so I guess we'll see. Under the restrictions, we can visit for maintenance (because we're the landlords), which is fortunate, but we don't want to abuse this and this is the first time either of us have visited since the level three restrictions have been in place.
The first week or two after he moved felt like heaven. I felt like I could breathe out. It's lovely not having to worry about his mood or whether he is coming home or not. However, I'm still not completely out of the woods in terms of my own head noise. The worries and "what ifs" are still there. He is living with three friends and of course none of them can leave the house other than to work. I'm worried that being in lockdown will push him back into a depressed state. Two of the housemates are young men I don't know well. I worry that there may be tension in the house and that my son might not respond well, or that they might all be smoking dope, or that he might break lockdown or... the list goes on.
I'm trying to park this worry. I know that none of these things are within my control and nor are they my business (unless they're doing something illegal on my property). I also have no basis (other than my son's previous history) to think that any of these things are happening.
My current method of dealing with all this is allow myself a few minutes before bed to acknowledge these feelings. After that I say a prayer for him and ask God to take my burden. At the moment this is working. I'm able to sleep and for the most part I'm feeling pretty good.
Which brings me to my thanks. The past eighteen months have been the most difficult of my life. There are things that have happened that I haven't even been able to confide here, because I can't bring myself to write them. I know that there will probably be more angst to come at some point. As long as I am my son's mother there will be some sort of worry or drama. I can't make him into someone he's not. He's doing well right now and I hope and pray this continues - but that's up to him. What you have all taught me is that I can control me. I can control how much of his drama I buy into. I can set boundaries to protect myself and my other children. I've done that and I feel better for it. When I first joined this group I thought I was beyond help, that I could never be happy again. I'm so much better than I was and that's largely due to the help I've received here. So thank you to every single one of you who has responded to me over the past year or so. You've helped me more than you will ever know.
