Update on Nichole

[Hound dog]

Nichole won't be going to school next quarter. Because of attending those summer classes she only had 600.00 left on her loans for this school year. The cost of the paramedic program is 1200 plus an additional 400 for books.

easy child could only spot her 400. I had decided to help (she didn't know it) if we got the tax return, and pay for her books at least. As I believe the school will let you owe them til end of quarter. They did it with me this time due to loan paperwork mix up.

But no tax return means no way she can go. Except I'm tempted to see if my Mom has managed to get her college fund back from my stepdad's vulture kids. They stole hers and my two neices college funds when their Dad died. Huge mess. Mom has been fighting them in court. It's not a huge amt of money, but it would be enough to cover her this quarter. Stepdad set up college frunds for the grandkids for this type of emergency.

So with no money, she has decided to work fulltime and save up. (I want to see this.) I reminded her that the house rules requires she pay 100.00 a month rent. Nichole couldn't believe it! But But she was saving for SCHOOL!!! Uh, yeah. And so is Travis, and he is paying 100.00 a month in rent. BUT she and boyfriend are moving out in the fall! (last time it was the spring)

It is a house rule. Period. No Free Lunch.

She was less than happy. She'll get over it. Once I reminded her that her disabled brother could manage it, she stopped trying to argue the point. lol

I'm so not happy about this school situation. I honestly don't think she'll return in the fall. She'll be stupid like her mother, because she really is a carbon copy of me at that age, and let opportunity slip right thru her fingers.

And she still hasn't started. Home preg test came back neg. She's still having symptoms. But she finally reached her cw at welfare for the insurance mess. Hmmmmm. Seems husband never sent cw the paperwork. grrrr This time Nichole filled it all out and will be walking it into cw on Monday. Soon as she has that card in her hand she's headed to fam doctor who is also her OB doctor to find out what the heck is going on.

Life can be beautiful, so I hear. lol

 

[ctmom05]

Daisy......

It sounds as tho you are regretting some of your poor choices, but please do not call yourself stupid - you've done a lot of learning.

 

[Hopeless]

Lisa - Sending positive vibes for Nichole to stay focused and go back to school in the fall. It was really very thoughtful of easy child to offer $ to Nichole. Hopefully Nichole will be able to get into the doctors this week and see what is going on with her. Is she having any pains??

My difficult child starts college at the end of this month. Her plan is to take the next quarter off (summer) as her baby is due July 15th and then she plans to go back to college the next quarter. Since she is just starting college at the end of the school year, aid money was limited, so I told her we could help her out with books and lab fees. She called me on Friday and said that she got enough in aid money to pay tuition, books and fees. She seemed really excited about it and she had made all of the arrangements of meeting with the school counselors, signing up for classes, aid, etc. on her own. I am very proud of her for doing these things.

 

[Hound dog]

Hopeless

Good for difficult child!! You should be proud of her. I hope she does well in school and enjoys it.

Nichole is cramping pretty bad, but having preg symptoms. I don't know if the IUD could be causing her to miss her period, or if God forbid, she's preg again. Either way she needs to be checked. I don't know why it would cause her to miss a period when they've been normal since she started using it.

Hugs

 

[mstang67chic]

I know she got a negative on the pg test and I don't really know about IUD's but any chance it could be a tubal pregnancy?

 

[flutterbee]

When you didn't post about Nichole's test, I was worried that she was, in fact, pregnant again and you were not ready to talk about it. And I wasn't going to ask. I figured you would let us know when you were ready. So, I'm glad the test was negative and I hope she gets things resolved with the doctor visit.

The difference between you and Nichole is Nichole has you fighting in her corner and encouraging her to do the right things. She seems to be on a roll with what she wants to do with her life. Hopefully, she won't lose sight of that.

 

[Hound dog]

Mustang

I don't know a whole lot about IUDs either. I do know you can have a tubal pregnancy with one, and when we looked it up I was surprised to discover people actually have a fetus emplant in the uterus with one in. (I thought that was the whole point with it?)

If her cramping gets worse she'll be hauled to the ER. Rght now she says it's like really really bad period cramps. But since she is up and moving around....They can't be too horrible.

 

[ctmom05]

When we were growing our family, I got pregnant with an IUD properly in place, which was not a tubal, as confirmed by ultrasound.

The IUD was removed. I miscarried 2 months later, at 14 weeks.

 

[hearts and roses]

{{Lisa}} I missed out on the opportunity to attend college when I was younger. My mom told me that I couldn't go, so I didn't go. It wasn't that simple...first, I didn't know I could have gone despite her, and second, I'm not so sure I would have made a really great effort at that time. Following the end of my first marriage, I went back and carried a 4.0 GPA - I was ready. I continued when I moved away from NY and kept it up while juggling work and family for another 2 years taking classes sporadically. I am still not finished, but closer. When I'm ready and the timing is right, I will return. Life is full of second and third and fourth chances, etc.

Sometimes, as you know, it takes some of us a little "life learning" to get there, Know what I mean?? If Nichole does not return to school, it's on her. It is not a reflection of YOU and/or your past, or your efforts. You've done all you can.

I hope the cw comes through quickly so she can go get checked. Any chance she can hit a Planned Parenthood office in the meantime? They will examine her on a sliding scale. And she can get a free pregnancy test if she has no insurance. Worth a shot.

Sending hugs and prayers~

 

[Star*]

Daisy,

Peoples lives are a lot like Christmas presents - some gifts get opened right away - and others are purchased early, wrapped and hid in the attic, but your Mom doesn't find them for 30 years - HEY I can play voice of the Mummy at 43 If I want to! = I think it's going for around $100 on Ebay - and mine is brand new. lol

And (tapping foot, eyebrow raised, arms crossed) Don't you NEVER EVER call yourself stupid again. You just didn't get all your presents opened right away either - but you are now - and THAT my friend is not dumb - it's very smart.

I have no dummies for friends. I have friends that have hearts and make poor choices, (self included) but no dummies. Got that sister?

 

[Hound dog]

Yes ma'am, Star ma'am.

I am brilliant. So brilliant that I outshine the Sun in all it's glory.

I just have to learn the hard way.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Lisa,

I agree with the others - YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!! I love the way Star expressed this, lol!!! NEVER EVER say that again!!!

And, now on to Nichole - I hope and pray she goes back to school in the Fall. I've got every body part crossed that she gets to the doctor soon and she is ok.

And, as has already been said, whatever decisions she makes, they are her decisions and absolutely no reflection on you as a parent!!!

Thinking of you. WFEN

 

[Mikey]

Heather, re:

The difference between you and Nichole is Nichole has you fighting in her corner and encouraging her to do the right things. She seems to be on a roll with what she wants to do with her life. Hopefully, she won't lose sight of that.

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but this point is a real problem for me. wife is constantly reminding me of my own cheatin' ways when I was McWeedy's age, and that I need to be a little more empathetic and understanding (if not forgiving).

My reply is the same as yours above: the difference is that when I was young, I had nobody at home to tell me right from wrong. I occasionally got encouragement for reasonably good choices (when I made them), but received virtually no guidance (and suffered no consequences) for bad choices - especially when I made them over and over and over again.

That's the point I try to make to wife: McWeedy has two former difficult children for parents. While we don't always agree on the right way to react to McWeedy's acting out, we do agree that he generally makes poor choices. And we let him know it, and offer to help (even when he doesn't want it).

And yet, despite having two people who have been there done that trying to keep him out of trouble, he's getting into the same mess I was (or worse) when I was his age. For me, that's the most frustrating thing. Unlike me at that age (without guidance), McWeedy does have guidance, support, and opportunities I never had; and to him, those benefits might as well be toilet paper.

Don't have much to offer, other than wanting to put in my two pennies on your quote.

Mikey

 

[scent of cedar]

This is what I was told by a very good therapist: Whether the kids seem to be listening or not, whether they do as we suggest or not, the simple fact that we speak the words giving them a right way to go will stay with them. One day, they will hear the words. Those words will help them know how to get out of wherever their current poor choices bring them.

The therapist told me always to remember that we are teaching our children in everything we say and do ~ whether it looks like they hear us, or not.

That is why it is so important that we not condemn our kids for their poor choices. They will remember that, too ~ and when that day finally comes that they are ready to walk a different path, they won't believe in themselves enough to do it if we have implied either that what they are doing now is a right way to go, or that there is something intrinsically wrong with them.

Addiction is addiction, and it can happen to anyone who gets caught in that net.

Lisa, I know this is hard for you. I think it is better for Nicole to learn this lesson now though, than later. We bailed difficult child out so many times ~ and every time, it was the wrong thing to do. Knowing that helping is only delaying the lesson ~ and that the lessons get harder, the older the kids get ~ is the only thing that keeps us from doing more for him now.

Even after all we have been through with him, that hard-won understanding really is the only thing that stops us from bailing him out again.

I am hoping with you that things turn around for Nicole.

This may be the thing that will help her see that this person she is with is not someone she should have in her life.

I'm sorry this is happening, Lisa.

Barbara