SeekingStrength
Well-Known Member
husband and I have a 37 yo son who has tried all the cr*p I read that your sons and daughters are trying on you. He started manipulating around the age of 17yo - hateful and refusing to following house rules. I have posted many times about how we tried, unsuccessfully, to get him removed from our home. We were told by law enforcement that, unless he caused us harm, they could not remove him if this was his legal address (no matter his age).
Go forward to a few years ago. husband and I were sick and tired of nothing working, nothing getting better. We knew we had to stop the enabling and I found this forum. What a difference that made in our mindset, and ultimately our happy meter!
And, once we cut off all money, things went just like these wise forum folks predicted. Lots of diatribes, vile emails, hateful phone calls, etc, etc. Eventually, his long-time girlfriend kicked him out so where does he go? He tells a sob story to my parents and they start the enabling. Because....they "had to". He had been so mistreated. Ex girlfriend was a total jerk (according to our son and my parents believed it). They had known for years that husband and I had always been unfair to him; our son started telling them that years ago. They paid $$ for an attorney because his ex took him to court for some bad stuff. He got off on all of it. Then, he decides he wants to sue her(!) Our son has nothing except what my parents have given him.
Which brings me to this. My parents are totally done. Son has stolen money from them, lied to them, lied about them, been hateful. The last straw was a check he forged for $700 on their account.
It has been over a year since my parents started enabling him. (To be fair, my dad has been against it every step of the way, but nobody tells my mom what she is going to do/not do.)
A glimmer of hope is down the road now, finally, maybe, hopefully. Because husband and i can think of nobody left who can/will enable him in the style which he "deserves". (He has actually used that very expression - "what I deserve")
Learn from me! This has been going on 20 years. Possibly nothing would have improved without all the enabling, but DEFINITELY nothing improved with it. The result has been a lot of angst and hurtful words and miserable times. And, our son, using folks to avoid working and pay for his addictions.
Go forward to a few years ago. husband and I were sick and tired of nothing working, nothing getting better. We knew we had to stop the enabling and I found this forum. What a difference that made in our mindset, and ultimately our happy meter!
And, once we cut off all money, things went just like these wise forum folks predicted. Lots of diatribes, vile emails, hateful phone calls, etc, etc. Eventually, his long-time girlfriend kicked him out so where does he go? He tells a sob story to my parents and they start the enabling. Because....they "had to". He had been so mistreated. Ex girlfriend was a total jerk (according to our son and my parents believed it). They had known for years that husband and I had always been unfair to him; our son started telling them that years ago. They paid $$ for an attorney because his ex took him to court for some bad stuff. He got off on all of it. Then, he decides he wants to sue her(!) Our son has nothing except what my parents have given him.
Which brings me to this. My parents are totally done. Son has stolen money from them, lied to them, lied about them, been hateful. The last straw was a check he forged for $700 on their account.
It has been over a year since my parents started enabling him. (To be fair, my dad has been against it every step of the way, but nobody tells my mom what she is going to do/not do.)
A glimmer of hope is down the road now, finally, maybe, hopefully. Because husband and i can think of nobody left who can/will enable him in the style which he "deserves". (He has actually used that very expression - "what I deserve")
Learn from me! This has been going on 20 years. Possibly nothing would have improved without all the enabling, but DEFINITELY nothing improved with it. The result has been a lot of angst and hurtful words and miserable times. And, our son, using folks to avoid working and pay for his addictions.
, 1 timehe stole my 140 dollars, and they didnt belive me even though thins has happend 5000000 times before, we ask him 5 times in a week, says no everytime, then parnets start getting pissed at me for blaming him. then we got the fukin bastard, i did, they didnt do anything, the older paretns get the slower they get and domer, and oblviious, not all parents. hes beat me, i went to a mental hosiptol, becasue my parnets thought i was getting to pissed at what my brtoehr kept doing . hes drviven my dirtbike wheelie up the str, swear to god i hope he dies whith litteraly crap on top of him, wiith a sign on his grave, says genuine bastard and coward. heres my solution. DONT GO YOUR WHOLE LIFE LIKE THIS. DITCH THE WHOLE ACT, HELP HIM BUT IF HES BAD JUST DITCH HIM, SEND HIM OOUTTTTT. OR ELSE THIS IS LIFE U GONA HAVE FOR MANY MANY YEARS. 10 20 30 MB TIL U DIE
