Update

[toughlovin]

Ag I am totally with you on all of it. It is true that the likelihood of him getting in recovery is lower with his attitude and it seemingly being you doing more of the work than he is. But there are cases where people go into treatment unwillingly and do find recovery and the want while there. That did not happen withy my difficult child and we have spent way more than 10K on treatment for him over the years and in the last year.

However I dont really regret the money we have spent for two reasons. Especially when he was younger it did give him some drug free time for his brain to continue to develop without drugs in his system. I think that probably will make a difference in the long run at least I hope so. And the last year of treatment after treatment, with my working much harder than he was to get him into treatment etc. did help me get to the place I am now. I think that is why your sponser said this is for you. I have gained some peace knowing that I did everything I could possibly do to help him. If he had died along the way and I had not done everything then I would be full of regrets. At this point if something happens to him (hopefully not) then at least I know within my own heart that i did everything. I think that is key to finding peace in the chaos that is our difficult children lives.

And it helped me let go so that I can let my difficult child now really try to find his own way hitchhiking around the country homeless with no money etc. Now all I want is for him to stay in touch with me so that I know he is alive and surviving.

So I say go for it, spend the money on his treatment and time will tell whether he made use of it or not.

I am also with you on the eating/food issues thing. I have lost about 45 pounds.... i need to lose quite a bit more and havent been able to the last year BUT I have kept off so far what I have lost. I too am finding ways to cope without drowning my sorrows in sweet stuff.

DDD I think there are those of us who dont eat when stressed, and those of us who use food to cope with stress. Neither of those options are real healthy.... and our goal at this point is to find ways to be healthier in spite of the stress we are all under.

TL

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh Im glad you got the car and yes it makes sense to wait till tax time. Someone will snap it up then. I guess Im assuming it is a car that you arent carrying a note on.

I really hope all the best for your son. Sure wish we could get Dr Drew to help all these kids. Ya know, that is something to think about. Nancy, do you remember years ago when Dr. Riley used to post on here? Maybe we could send Dr Drew an email asking him to check out this forum and he might become a contributing member. If nothing else he could refer the parents of his teen patients here. Though heaven help me, I dont want Michael Lohan...lmao.

 

[buddy]

In my totally not experienced opinion, you had every right to get your car how ever you needed to and in the end you probably did him a favor.

Wow these kids push the whole " your the parent not their friend " thing. I can say for sure I always pictured having some level of social life and "friendship" with my son. Not giving up my role but like with my parents....we are friends and they were confidants to me even as a minor. They took stands when ever necessary. But we call and talk to eachother etc. Always meet for lunch or dinner.

But, I feel like in my parenting experience, I have to be willing to risk any friendly encounters --now or.in.future--sometimes. I just have to do the right thing. A different reason from you, I realize, but filled with grief some days. It makes my heart hurt for you.

Will he have to pay for this somehow? I think I missed that.

Anyway, my clumsy way to say you did nothing wrong. He crossed a line and needs to accept that he is the one who broke the trust.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Buddy, good point about being willing to risk any friendly encounters with your children in order to be their parent.

difficult child has to pay $1800 in fines, 5 month suspended sentence and 2 years probation.

difficult child is to pay $50 a month to court for fines. I am paying 2 months worth while he is in rehab. My laptop is ancient and I am keeping his. Oh well.

If he doesn't pay after that, oh well.

His drivers license just expired. Can't get a new one with a warrant out. Oh well.

He does not need a license though. I am selling car. He will have to find a sober house with transport. Oh well.

I filed police report for unauthorized use of vehicle. Have a year to sign complaint and have warrant issued. There isn't a need to do that now as he is in rehab. Will only complicate things.

As my sponsor tells me, do things for MY comfort, not for his.

 

[buddy]

I love that. I can even imagine, like others here with delayed kids, I will have to embrace that to a healthy degree. Glad you have the computer. Not even close to equal but very good start.