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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 758400" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Trying, do you have a plan for what you will do if he doesn't get on the plane? Perhaps, for your own peace of mind, a wellness check by the police is not such a bad idea. It's hard for me to give advice on that because our system is different here in Australia.</p><p></p><p>But if he doesn't get on the plane, what then? Do you think you can start to enforce some communication boundaries - eg turning your phone off at certain times of the day to give yourself a break, or insisting that he not call you when he isn't sober? I don't know what will work for you, but I do know that when I started to put boundaries in place for my son, things improved for me. It wasn't necessarily linear - we definitely had ups and downs - but he has seemed to take responsibility for himself since my husband and I made it clear that we wouldn't be subsidising him anymore.</p><p></p><p>It seems so cruel and hard to do (and it is against a mother's instinct, I think) but when we pull back and stop enabling the behaviour, we give our children the opportunity to live their lives their own way. He might surprise you.</p><p></p><p>For me it was baby steps. We set a timeline for ourselves - we didn't make huge changes overnight. Perhaps you and your husband could talk about what this might look like for you. </p><p></p><p>Let us know what happens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 758400, member: 24721"] Trying, do you have a plan for what you will do if he doesn't get on the plane? Perhaps, for your own peace of mind, a wellness check by the police is not such a bad idea. It's hard for me to give advice on that because our system is different here in Australia. But if he doesn't get on the plane, what then? Do you think you can start to enforce some communication boundaries - eg turning your phone off at certain times of the day to give yourself a break, or insisting that he not call you when he isn't sober? I don't know what will work for you, but I do know that when I started to put boundaries in place for my son, things improved for me. It wasn't necessarily linear - we definitely had ups and downs - but he has seemed to take responsibility for himself since my husband and I made it clear that we wouldn't be subsidising him anymore. It seems so cruel and hard to do (and it is against a mother's instinct, I think) but when we pull back and stop enabling the behaviour, we give our children the opportunity to live their lives their own way. He might surprise you. For me it was baby steps. We set a timeline for ourselves - we didn't make huge changes overnight. Perhaps you and your husband could talk about what this might look like for you. Let us know what happens. [/QUOTE]
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