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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 758401" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Good morning, Trying. Again, I see myself in your posts. As others have said, you are not alone in this. We have all been where you are.</p><p></p><p>I too feel like I am repeating myself. You need to let go. *YOU* need to let go.</p><p></p><p>You say you are at the point where you don't care what happens to him...that you are at the point where you are so fed up that you wonder if his death would come as a relief to you. This is no way to live, for you or for your son.</p><p></p><p>Believe me, I have been there! I felt as if I had a decaying, black, empty hole in the center of my chest where the love for my child used to be.</p><p></p><p>How do we resolve our mother's love with the fact that we just can't stand them?!</p><p></p><p>The only way...the ONLY way...I could start to recover was to accept that it is HEALTHY and REASONABLE to not be around him when I can't stand to be around him (which is to say when he's acting like an @$$).</p><p></p><p>I can still love him. I can still hope for the best for him. But hey! Wow! I DON'T HAVE TO BE AROUND HIM WHEN HE'S ACTING LIKE AN @$$!</p><p></p><p>For me, a long, hard break was necessary. It was the only way to recover some sense of emotional centering. During that break I got a lot of counseling and did a lot of reading about PTSD, because in my opinion what we go through as parents of addicts is very similar.</p><p></p><p>Trying, YOU need to find a way to stop engaging with this craziness. Not your son, YOU. Take him completely out of the equation of letting go. This has nothing to do with what he says or does. YOU need to let this go.</p><p></p><p>Why on earth are you taking calls from a drunk in the midst of a pity party, when you've taken so many calls before and you know exactly where they lead?</p><p></p><p>"Don't call me when you have been drinking." *CLICK* No lectures. No logic. Just hang up!</p><p></p><p>Then go do something *YOU* want to do that DOES NOT involve thinking or talking about your son.</p><p></p><p>Right now you are stuck in a deep, deep rut of ruminating about your son. Once you have carved some new pathways in your brain and heart, it will feel right to go down those pathways instead.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 758401, member: 17720"] Good morning, Trying. Again, I see myself in your posts. As others have said, you are not alone in this. We have all been where you are. I too feel like I am repeating myself. You need to let go. *YOU* need to let go. You say you are at the point where you don't care what happens to him...that you are at the point where you are so fed up that you wonder if his death would come as a relief to you. This is no way to live, for you or for your son. Believe me, I have been there! I felt as if I had a decaying, black, empty hole in the center of my chest where the love for my child used to be. How do we resolve our mother's love with the fact that we just can't stand them?! The only way...the ONLY way...I could start to recover was to accept that it is HEALTHY and REASONABLE to not be around him when I can't stand to be around him (which is to say when he's acting like an @$$). I can still love him. I can still hope for the best for him. But hey! Wow! I DON'T HAVE TO BE AROUND HIM WHEN HE'S ACTING LIKE AN @$$! For me, a long, hard break was necessary. It was the only way to recover some sense of emotional centering. During that break I got a lot of counseling and did a lot of reading about PTSD, because in my opinion what we go through as parents of addicts is very similar. Trying, YOU need to find a way to stop engaging with this craziness. Not your son, YOU. Take him completely out of the equation of letting go. This has nothing to do with what he says or does. YOU need to let this go. Why on earth are you taking calls from a drunk in the midst of a pity party, when you've taken so many calls before and you know exactly where they lead? "Don't call me when you have been drinking." *CLICK* No lectures. No logic. Just hang up! Then go do something *YOU* want to do that DOES NOT involve thinking or talking about your son. Right now you are stuck in a deep, deep rut of ruminating about your son. Once you have carved some new pathways in your brain and heart, it will feel right to go down those pathways instead. [/QUOTE]
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