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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758509" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>10 percent is not 98 percent or 100 percent. It's 10 percent. You don't help him or yourself staying rooted in fear and dread. That said, I would not send the razors.</p><p></p><p>Despite your son's addictions and diagnoses he has demonstrated a very high level of functioning in his job. And he seems able to find friends who are supportive. And girlfriends. I recognize these women leave soon when they see how he lives.</p><p></p><p>My profession involved a great deal of diagnosing of people with substance abuse issues. I understand Borderline. I understand cutting. I understand manipulation. These things change nothing. He needs to stop drinking and using drugs. Period. Always I kept in mind that substance abuse and dependence nearly always came to look like mental illness, of one sort or another. And even if mental illness predated substance use, nothing changes. He needs to recover. I don't see how mental health professionals can diagnose when people have been drunk for years and years, without taking into account they've pickled their brains. The brain needs time to cleanse. The personality needs time to be in this world and with the body/mind, without toxic sustances. The individual needs time to acclimate and adjust and mature, without substances. Only then will a diagnosis make sense. That is how I believe.</p><p></p><p>You don't help him or yourself by staying rooted in the worst possible outcome. He needs you to be strong, positive, and to believe in him and the power of change, of hope. But most of all, he needs you to have boundaries. And you need them too. I believe you would benefit from your own recovery process. I believe time apart, with limited phone callling would benefit him and benefit you. I sound like a broken record, because I am. I am sorry to go on and on, with this. I will not say it anymore.</p><p></p><p>I recognize that it's very hard to be this hopeful person when we've been beaten down by these unreleenting and horrible ccircumstances. But sometimes, trying I feel you prefer to stand in fear and negativity. I don't know if this makes you feel safer, or what. That if you expect the worse, you won't have as far to fall. I don't believe that.one bit. I wish you would get some distance from him, and let him work on his problems by himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758509, member: 18958"] 10 percent is not 98 percent or 100 percent. It's 10 percent. You don't help him or yourself staying rooted in fear and dread. That said, I would not send the razors. Despite your son's addictions and diagnoses he has demonstrated a very high level of functioning in his job. And he seems able to find friends who are supportive. And girlfriends. I recognize these women leave soon when they see how he lives. My profession involved a great deal of diagnosing of people with substance abuse issues. I understand Borderline. I understand cutting. I understand manipulation. These things change nothing. He needs to stop drinking and using drugs. Period. Always I kept in mind that substance abuse and dependence nearly always came to look like mental illness, of one sort or another. And even if mental illness predated substance use, nothing changes. He needs to recover. I don't see how mental health professionals can diagnose when people have been drunk for years and years, without taking into account they've pickled their brains. The brain needs time to cleanse. The personality needs time to be in this world and with the body/mind, without toxic sustances. The individual needs time to acclimate and adjust and mature, without substances. Only then will a diagnosis make sense. That is how I believe. You don't help him or yourself by staying rooted in the worst possible outcome. He needs you to be strong, positive, and to believe in him and the power of change, of hope. But most of all, he needs you to have boundaries. And you need them too. I believe you would benefit from your own recovery process. I believe time apart, with limited phone callling would benefit him and benefit you. I sound like a broken record, because I am. I am sorry to go on and on, with this. I will not say it anymore. I recognize that it's very hard to be this hopeful person when we've been beaten down by these unreleenting and horrible ccircumstances. But sometimes, trying I feel you prefer to stand in fear and negativity. I don't know if this makes you feel safer, or what. That if you expect the worse, you won't have as far to fall. I don't believe that.one bit. I wish you would get some distance from him, and let him work on his problems by himself. [/QUOTE]
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