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Weird and continued roller coaster ride.
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 730065" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p>SWOT, Thank you for the offer for a medium but in my life I have so many out of the world things happen that I just listen to my intuition and angel guides. </p><p>My daughter came over last night with a plan of attack for her situation. She looked tired and sick, she has a bad head cold. She gave me the money for her car note, all of it, she asked me if I could go ahead and pay it on line, she did not have time and it would have been late. She does not like when we are at odds and comes over and tries to make things right between us but it only lasts for a few days and then she is back to lying and awful.</p><p>Sam, So glad you got to enjoy the love fest, lots of good energy comes from love, being loved and giving love, my motto 'the only things that really matter are love and kindness'.</p><p></p><p>I have many things swimming in my head about my future. So much of me wants to sell both homes and live in a highrise. I keep remembering how much fun it was to stay with my aunt that lived in a highrise, I was very young but remember it like it was yesterday. I loved looking at all the views and the trains going by underneath.</p><p></p><p>So much can change for me and my family in the next few months. I do not know which direction it will take. I listen to the advice on this board and one of the suggestions that stays with me is 'Only do what you can stand'. I have had to be tough in the past and it did not bother me, I have had to be tough recently and I am so tired getting my patience tested on a regular basis. Last month I asked my husband to take me to a port so I can get on a ship by myself and just take a break, sit out on the balcony, enjoy the ocean and listen for God's next instructions and direction. My husband was having a hard time and did not want to be alone so I decided to stay home.</p><p>It has been a rough winter. My emotions are shot, I am tired yes I am a very tired mom, I feel old and weathered and I know it is from trying to have dealings with my daughter.</p><p>When my daughter went to college overseas 16 years ago, it was the most peaceful, prosperious time in my life. So many things fell into place, I did miss her, I just did not miss her constant B.S. Odd thing is that she called me everyday and the nice thing was that when I thought she was giving me a line of BS I just did not answer the phone or get off quickly, I know she missed me deeply or else she would not have called everyday. I remember years ago I met a man that was married to a woman, the woman died by suicide and the man told me that she had what was called womb syndrome, where she could not get a healthy seperation from her mother and when her mother did not move with her she ended up killing herself. </p><p>I know that I love my grandmother endlessly and completely, she is my soul mate but when she passed I was deeply sad but knew it was part of the life cycle and had comfort that she was guiding me from above, the reason I mention that is because my siblings use to tease me about being a deep and true 'grama's girl'.</p><p>I see that my daughter desperately needs me. She hates me and deeply loves me, she hates that she needs me so much, she wishes me ill will and she would be horribly grieved if something happened to me. I can't stand the off and on with her disorder. I can't stand to be on the receiving end of her madness, I can't stand how hopeless and scared I feel when she is manic out of her head and I can't even see her when I look into her eyes.</p><p>My daughters off and on keeps me on edge, I know in life there are so many normal off and on's but with her the peaks and valleys are so deep and so high. My husband, (son was) and I are even tempered, it was very hard to live with her.</p><p></p><p>If my daughter could just balance herself, do the right things and keep herself employeed, it would be much easier to detach, I am still working on detaching no matter which way she turns because I have to do this for my own health and well being. My daughter can be so rotten and yet there are glimpses of goodness in her, lately not very much or very often but there are glimpses.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 730065, member: 22416"] SWOT, Thank you for the offer for a medium but in my life I have so many out of the world things happen that I just listen to my intuition and angel guides. My daughter came over last night with a plan of attack for her situation. She looked tired and sick, she has a bad head cold. She gave me the money for her car note, all of it, she asked me if I could go ahead and pay it on line, she did not have time and it would have been late. She does not like when we are at odds and comes over and tries to make things right between us but it only lasts for a few days and then she is back to lying and awful. Sam, So glad you got to enjoy the love fest, lots of good energy comes from love, being loved and giving love, my motto 'the only things that really matter are love and kindness'. I have many things swimming in my head about my future. So much of me wants to sell both homes and live in a highrise. I keep remembering how much fun it was to stay with my aunt that lived in a highrise, I was very young but remember it like it was yesterday. I loved looking at all the views and the trains going by underneath. So much can change for me and my family in the next few months. I do not know which direction it will take. I listen to the advice on this board and one of the suggestions that stays with me is 'Only do what you can stand'. I have had to be tough in the past and it did not bother me, I have had to be tough recently and I am so tired getting my patience tested on a regular basis. Last month I asked my husband to take me to a port so I can get on a ship by myself and just take a break, sit out on the balcony, enjoy the ocean and listen for God's next instructions and direction. My husband was having a hard time and did not want to be alone so I decided to stay home. It has been a rough winter. My emotions are shot, I am tired yes I am a very tired mom, I feel old and weathered and I know it is from trying to have dealings with my daughter. When my daughter went to college overseas 16 years ago, it was the most peaceful, prosperious time in my life. So many things fell into place, I did miss her, I just did not miss her constant B.S. Odd thing is that she called me everyday and the nice thing was that when I thought she was giving me a line of BS I just did not answer the phone or get off quickly, I know she missed me deeply or else she would not have called everyday. I remember years ago I met a man that was married to a woman, the woman died by suicide and the man told me that she had what was called womb syndrome, where she could not get a healthy seperation from her mother and when her mother did not move with her she ended up killing herself. I know that I love my grandmother endlessly and completely, she is my soul mate but when she passed I was deeply sad but knew it was part of the life cycle and had comfort that she was guiding me from above, the reason I mention that is because my siblings use to tease me about being a deep and true 'grama's girl'. I see that my daughter desperately needs me. She hates me and deeply loves me, she hates that she needs me so much, she wishes me ill will and she would be horribly grieved if something happened to me. I can't stand the off and on with her disorder. I can't stand to be on the receiving end of her madness, I can't stand how hopeless and scared I feel when she is manic out of her head and I can't even see her when I look into her eyes. My daughters off and on keeps me on edge, I know in life there are so many normal off and on's but with her the peaks and valleys are so deep and so high. My husband, (son was) and I are even tempered, it was very hard to live with her. If my daughter could just balance herself, do the right things and keep herself employeed, it would be much easier to detach, I am still working on detaching no matter which way she turns because I have to do this for my own health and well being. My daughter can be so rotten and yet there are glimpses of goodness in her, lately not very much or very often but there are glimpses. [/QUOTE]
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