Went Too Far Update...

[Skool Teacher]

Well readers,

Since I last wrote, my wonderful daughter contacted me. First two texts were inquiries on how long was she being kicked out. I did NOT respond either time. 3rd contact was some long winded email on how she messed up, how she was sorry, why she did it, how she was young and was going to mess up. She even offered to pay rent.

I blasted her from A-Z and told her she was not going to be able to live at home anymore because she went to far this time. I told her that I had never backed up any of my many years of thousands of threats--till now. I also informed her that she would never get the chance to lie to my face, be nasty in my home, disrespect me or the house rules, continue to make bone head decisions that end up costing me money or STEAL from me again. I told her that I loved her and cared but it was time for to grow the hell up and make adult moves since she has now committed an adult crime against her mother. I told her that her time in this nest was over and it was time for her to flap her wings and fly. I sent another email asking for the confirmation emails for the purchases she made with my credit card in her name. I'm trying to recoup most of the money from the items she ordered.

She replied with a rant of how she only had $5, how she only had a few days to stay where I dropped her off before she would be homeless, how she was sick and going to die. She then told me that since I was done with her to at least give her the stuff she bought or the money from it. She told me she wasn't sending me nothing concerning the confirmation emails for the stuff she ordered. She then went on to ask what was she supposed to do???

I replied to her rant with... Figure it out! Good Night! I haven't heard from her since.

Thanks to all who replied, for the hugs, words of wisdom, suggestions and advice. I greatly appreciate it. Last week was a very difficult week especially emotionally but each day I pray for GOD to protect and guide my child and to help me be strong. That's all I can do at this point.

Day at a time. I'll keep you all posted as this story continues.

 

[BusynMember]

Great job standing your ground and not letting daughter use emotional blackmail. You are strong and your daughter needs that from you. It isnt ok that she stole from you. She needs to feel the consequences. If she doesnt, next time she could steal from a stranger and get charged.
Jmo

 

[pigless in VA]

at least give her the stuff she bought or the money from it.

Wow. The girl has some gall.

I know last week was tough, but I suspect from your description of her that she will ramp up. I'm not sure what that might mean for you, but at least be mentally prepared for more galling behavior.

 

[Tanya M]

3rd contact was some long winded email on how she messed up, how she was sorry, why she did it, how she was young and was going to mess up. She even offered to pay rent.

And this is a play right out of the Difficult Child handbook. They are desperate so they will tell usy what they think we want to hear.

She replied with a rant of how she only had $5, how she only had a few days to stay where I dropped her off before she would be homeless, how she was sick and going to die.

Here she sees that you are serious so she has amped it up using a classic manipulation tactic to try and make you feel guilty / sorry for her.

I replied to her rant with... Figure it out! Good Night! I haven't heard from her since.

You did GREAT Skool. She will figure it out, they always do. You have thrown her a major curve ball. You have left her wondering what has happened.

So now, it's my guess that one of the following will happen. She will really amp it up with even more drama and quite possibly lies about what's going on, anything from people are after her to being beaten up. Or, you wont' hear from her for a few weeks. This is a d_cs way of punishing us the parent. It's the "I'll show them, I won't contact them and then they will worry and wonder about me"

Again, you did really well. Hang in the Skool. Stay close, we are here for you.

 

[TheWalrus]

Or, you wont' hear from her for a few weeks. This is a d_cs way of punishing us the parent. It's the "I'll show them, I won't contact them and then they will worry and wonder about me"

This makes me awful, but this is never a punishment when my Difficult Child does this to me. It is a relief, and usually a much-needed break from her drama and chaos. I hope she never figures that out.

 

[Skool Teacher]

This makes me awful, but this is never a punishment when my Difficult Child does this to me. It is a relief, and usually a much-needed break from her drama and chaos. I hope she never figures that out.

Walrus, question... What is FOG and JADE? I'm new to this site and trying to figure out some of the lingo and acronyms. Also what does d_cs mean? I keep seeing this in reference to our children so I kinda figure it's a way of describing a child or your own child. Curious.

 

[Tanya M]

FOG = Fear, Obligation, Guilt
JADE = Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain (commonly used in Al-Anon)
d_cs = difficult children
If you type the D and the C together the site will automatically convert it to Difficult Children

 

[Skool Teacher]

FOG = Fear, Obligation, Guilt
JADE = Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain (commonly used in Al-Anon)
d_cs = difficult children
If you type the D and the C together the site will automatically convert it to Difficult Children

Thanks Tanya M!!!