When the school is nitpicking

[TiredSoul]

Just curious of any other parents have experienced this. The more you contact the school and expect them to hold up their end of the bargain the more they nitpick at your child.

This school insists on punishing my child for every little petty behavior. It is absolutely unbelievable. It seems not one day goes by without my son getting in trouble for something ridiculous. Examples are touching someone's desk, saying oh no when he dropped something, bringing plastic BBs to school and giving them to other kids, etc.

I need some ideas of how to handle this. I have talked to the teacher. I have talked to the Special Education teacher. I have talked to the principal. I have even discuss this with the assistant director of special services for the district. These people are not listening to me. I have emailed. I have sent letters via certified mail. I have discussed this at meetings. Nothing is changing. Who do I contact next and how do I get them to understand the damage they are causing my child? My son already hates school so much that it's nearly impossible to get him to go. Then he has to deal with something petty nearly almost every time he goes to school. He has ADHD for crying out loud. I think they need to be educated. Any advice?

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[Wiped Out]

Ugh!! I am sorry your school is so difficult. I'm surprised people at the district level haven't been more responsive.
I'm sorry my memory is so bad; does your son have an iep? I would say look into a lawyer but I know how expensive that could be. Did you ever get an advocate? What do they say?

 

[BusynMember]

Don't act intimidated and don't back down. Get an advocate. That is mandatory. They did this to us until we had an advocate. We also called the Dept. of Public Education and talked to the Special Needs Director. The Dept. of Public Education was ready to investigate the school, which they freaked out at. Advocate helped.

Nobody ever said anything to my kids except, "Yes, sir" or "Yes, ma'am." That exaggerating, but they were not interested in messing with our kids because they knew we'd take it beyond the school district and bring in other people who could slap them down.They knew we would only tolerate one thing: Proper services and treatment of our beloved children. And they knew we'd go above them, if necessary.

Unfortunately, school districts are like a Good Ole Boy's network and if you let them do stuff to you or your kid, they will. You have to supersede the school district and look outside of it for support. We didn't find it helpful to talk to the teachers or principals or even the superintendent. They are all on the same team. What was helpful was when they realized they had to do what was right or possibly lose money and become investigated.

My two kids never had any teacher not treat them well. It just didn't happen. We had too of a strong team and they didn't want any trouble. My kids actually were treated great and both got tons and tons of help.

Call your Dept. of Public Education tomorrow and ask for the name of your free parent advocate. There is one in every state. Then talk to the Special Needs Director and tell him/her your story and the trouble you are having getting help for your child and be sure to add that he is now being picked on. They won't like hearing that. Looks like your son has some cognitive problems too, and he should have an IEP. Give that one over to your advocate, but tell the Special Needs Director that the school is not giving him a Free and Appropriate Public Education. That is against the law.

Good luck!

 

[TiredSoul]

He has had an IEP since kindergarten for all the good it's done. I have an advocate from PAVE who attended the re-evaluation meeting. They recently conducted an FBA in which they said the only issues they have are with productivity and work completion. Funny. When they nitpick and don't support his needs then he has behavior problems. Its a vicious cycle.

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[Confused]

Schools really need to not only be more understanding and caring, but really need to learn the needs of the children and follow through. Some are good don't get me wrong, but it never hurts to improve themselves! Im so sorry your son is going through all this, I hope everything gets better for him.

 

[shellyd67]

difficult child is having same issues with his Learning Support Teacher. It's a hate/hate relationship. SD has been OK but they are always going to defend the teacher. A few more weeks and school is out. Thank goodness !! An advocate is the way to go and we will be finding one next year for difficult child. Good Luck

 

[luckybugjb]

I realize this is from 2014, but it’s 2023 & I’m dealing with the same stuff. It’s nice to know it’s not just me. It’s nice to get that validation every now and again that it’s not just me “being one of those mom’s about my kid.” Thank you for this.

 

[Arrinae]

I realize this is from 2014, but it’s 2023 & I’m dealing with the same stuff. It’s nice to know it’s not just me. It’s nice to get that validation every now and again that it’s not just me “being one of those mom’s about my kid.” Thank you for this.

I'm going through something similar with my 7-year-old. "He's 7 years old, he's too mature for potty humor!" Seriously? He makes noise while he works absent-mindedly. "He's being loud and disruptive!" He spills milk while eating breakfast and goes to clean it up "He did it on purpose!" He's startled when a kid blows their nose too loud and reacts verbally "He's making fun of her." Half the time they accuse him of mocking someone, but he doesn't know what mocking means. The boy is in gifted reading classes and writes better than his classmates. He is a little impulsive and were getting him evaluated for ADHD, and trying to work with the school while still listening to him cause we want to get both sides of the story. The school calls at least once a week and the stress is really getting to us. might have to look into the free parent advocate soon.

 

[Crayola13]

In the 1980s, public schools became less strict about that type of behavior. Now, it seems many parents are getting calls like these on a weekly basis. I think some teachers expect a little too much from children behavior wise in the low elementary grades these days. Also, most teachers used to not stay in contact with parents in the past, unlike now. If your son were in a private or parochial school, they would be less tolerant of that kind of behavior. Is your son in a public school? I think an evaluation for ADHD is a good start. I would be meeting with the principal and all your son’s teachers.

 

[Arrinae]

In the 1980s, public schools became less strict about that type of behavior. Now, it seems many parents are getting calls like these on a weekly basis. I think some teachers expect a little too much from children behavior wise in the low elementary grades these days. Also, most teachers used to not stay in contact with parents in the past, unlike now. If your son were in a private or parochial school, they would be less tolerant of that kind of behavior. Is your son in a public school? I think an evaluation for ADHD is a good start. I would be meeting with the principal and all your son’s teachers.

public and we've met with the principal, his teacher, the counselor, and the psychologist multiple times and they just want him on pills or think its a learned behavior. They already told us that if it weren't for their policy not to suspend students before they reach 3rd grade they'd have suspended him.

 

[Crayola13]

The behavior you describe doesn’t sound serious enough for suspension. I hope things go more smoothly.