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When WE backslide
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 755111" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>Busy,</p><p></p><p>Maybe I'm wrong, but I think nearly all of us in difficult situations such as ours have doubts. So much of what's going on with our difficult children is not rational, so questioning ourselves is not uncommon. Years ago I remember telling my therapist that maybe I should have been more strict with my DS. She said "that's possible, but that might have also made things worse. You'll never know."</p><p></p><p>The 'what ifs' and 'if only' are just that. None of us are perfect, and the best we can do is to learn and grow and make amends if we do see our mistakes. Even then, I have had to be careful because making amends to unhealthy people sometimes can hurt us. In those cases I just try to be a better person going forward.</p><p></p><p>My difficult daughter has not spoken to me for over two years. I have tremendous grief (because that means I also don't see my grandchildren), but I also know it is better for me not to be the target of her verbal abuse. My difficult son threatens no contact, and I recently blocked his number. He blames me for his getting in trouble for marijuana years ago. What he doesn't acknowledge is that his real problems were his defiance, entitlement, disregard for rules, etc. I don't want anyone in my life who is not kind to me. Sometimes I don't honor myself, but more and more I do. </p><p></p><p>You're human, do something nice for yourself today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 755111, member: 19832"] Busy, Maybe I'm wrong, but I think nearly all of us in difficult situations such as ours have doubts. So much of what's going on with our difficult children is not rational, so questioning ourselves is not uncommon. Years ago I remember telling my therapist that maybe I should have been more strict with my DS. She said "that's possible, but that might have also made things worse. You'll never know." The 'what ifs' and 'if only' are just that. None of us are perfect, and the best we can do is to learn and grow and make amends if we do see our mistakes. Even then, I have had to be careful because making amends to unhealthy people sometimes can hurt us. In those cases I just try to be a better person going forward. My difficult daughter has not spoken to me for over two years. I have tremendous grief (because that means I also don't see my grandchildren), but I also know it is better for me not to be the target of her verbal abuse. My difficult son threatens no contact, and I recently blocked his number. He blames me for his getting in trouble for marijuana years ago. What he doesn't acknowledge is that his real problems were his defiance, entitlement, disregard for rules, etc. I don't want anyone in my life who is not kind to me. Sometimes I don't honor myself, but more and more I do. You're human, do something nice for yourself today. [/QUOTE]
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