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Family of Origin
When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670163" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Feeling. I have not called. I am still praying on it. I do not feel ready to open that door. I am protecting myself, by not calling. Strange. The danger is not the degree you are facing Feeling. But it is there. My attempts in the past to have a conversation with my two have been so....offset? It is risky, at best, to even try. It is entering the swirly whirly, the deepy dark. This I know. So for now, I will hold off, and continue to think that if they attempt contact with me, and sound like the people I love and knew, then it is time to open the door, slightly. Manipulation has been such a large part of this tornado, or perhaps they were trying to reach out, then the addictive behavior took hold again. Who knows. I will hold them in my heart and prayers and hope down deep inside that they can step away from their nightmare, but<em> I will not enter it.</em></p><p></p><p>You are certainly one to ask, because you do understand, coming from a place of desperation. Do not ever feel you cannot ask Feeling. I know in the asking of it, you are coming from a place of concern. I will and must find peace. I have every right, should I even say a duty, to protect myself from further hurt after the many experiences and hurts I have had from my adult children. </p><p></p><p>There is that old saying "You always hurt the one you love"</p><p></p><p>I think our G-F-Gs get into the habit of hurting us, over and over, taking advantage of family ties. They think that whatever they do doesn't matter because we are <em>supposed</em> to love and forgive them. All throughout this site, I see posts where G-F-G-s have burned family bridges the heaviest and the hardest. They have abused the love of their loved ones.</p><p></p><p>At first, I believe it is because of the explanation above, that we are "supposed" to forgive them in their minds eye, then as they go deeper into their addiction, we are easy targets. As we enter into the whirl of their manipulations, we get caught up in it. We LOVE them, we can't help ourselves, until after so much devastation, beaten down and dazed, we have to see the destruction for what it is. And stop it. On our end. Because we have no control of what our adult children do. It hurts, perhaps the biggest hurt we will ever encounter.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]LIanrHb6Uw8[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you Feeling, prayers are powerful, powerful indeed. Likewise, my thoughts and prayers go out to you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I feel my stressful past history can be overcome, not completely, it will always be there as a part of me. Like tinnitus, constant ringing in the ears, it will always be there. If I focused on it, I would surely go mad. There will be days when something will trigger memories, and I will have to learn there is a road I go down. But I do not have to go ALL the way down that road.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think there is something wonderful about being able to apologize. We all make mistakes, and saying sorry helps both the transgressor and the one who is hurt. In working with children, countless times a stubborn little one will refuse to apologize when wrong, as if in doing so, it is painful. I have taught kids to apologize when necessary, because it helps themselves and the one they hurt, make amends.</p><p></p><p> I do agree the <em>over apologizing</em> has got to stop, and saying sorry <em>when there is <u><strong>no </strong></u>fault.</em> </p><p></p><p>How wonderful it is to share thoughts with a friend who understands.</p><p>I am very thankful.</p><p>Leafy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670163, member: 19522"] Hi Feeling. I have not called. I am still praying on it. I do not feel ready to open that door. I am protecting myself, by not calling. Strange. The danger is not the degree you are facing Feeling. But it is there. My attempts in the past to have a conversation with my two have been so....offset? It is risky, at best, to even try. It is entering the swirly whirly, the deepy dark. This I know. So for now, I will hold off, and continue to think that if they attempt contact with me, and sound like the people I love and knew, then it is time to open the door, slightly. Manipulation has been such a large part of this tornado, or perhaps they were trying to reach out, then the addictive behavior took hold again. Who knows. I will hold them in my heart and prayers and hope down deep inside that they can step away from their nightmare, but[I] I will not enter it.[/I] You are certainly one to ask, because you do understand, coming from a place of desperation. Do not ever feel you cannot ask Feeling. I know in the asking of it, you are coming from a place of concern. I will and must find peace. I have every right, should I even say a duty, to protect myself from further hurt after the many experiences and hurts I have had from my adult children. There is that old saying "You always hurt the one you love" I think our G-F-Gs get into the habit of hurting us, over and over, taking advantage of family ties. They think that whatever they do doesn't matter because we are [I]supposed[/I] to love and forgive them. All throughout this site, I see posts where G-F-G-s have burned family bridges the heaviest and the hardest. They have abused the love of their loved ones. At first, I believe it is because of the explanation above, that we are "supposed" to forgive them in their minds eye, then as they go deeper into their addiction, we are easy targets. As we enter into the whirl of their manipulations, we get caught up in it. We LOVE them, we can't help ourselves, until after so much devastation, beaten down and dazed, we have to see the destruction for what it is. And stop it. On our end. Because we have no control of what our adult children do. It hurts, perhaps the biggest hurt we will ever encounter. [MEDIA=youtube]LIanrHb6Uw8[/MEDIA] Thank you Feeling, prayers are powerful, powerful indeed. Likewise, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. I feel my stressful past history can be overcome, not completely, it will always be there as a part of me. Like tinnitus, constant ringing in the ears, it will always be there. If I focused on it, I would surely go mad. There will be days when something will trigger memories, and I will have to learn there is a road I go down. But I do not have to go ALL the way down that road. I think there is something wonderful about being able to apologize. We all make mistakes, and saying sorry helps both the transgressor and the one who is hurt. In working with children, countless times a stubborn little one will refuse to apologize when wrong, as if in doing so, it is painful. I have taught kids to apologize when necessary, because it helps themselves and the one they hurt, make amends. I do agree the [I]over apologizing[/I] has got to stop, and saying sorry [I]when there is [U][B]no [/B][/U]fault.[/I] How wonderful it is to share thoughts with a friend who understands. I am very thankful. Leafy. [/QUOTE]
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When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
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