mom_to_3
Active Member
Today was the end of what could have been a new beginning for our difficult child. Almost two weeks ago, (against you all's better judgement) we allowed our difficult child to move back home for a "hand up". My husband and I had felt that she had reached her bottom and was putting herself in danger. She assured us that she wanted better for herself and was willing to do whatever we wanted to make this work out for her.
I helped move her, we paid for and I helped wash and fold 15 loads of her laundry (in a hot laundry mat) because everything she owned was disgusting. I drove her around looking for a job, pushed her to keep going, when she got a job I took her to goodwill to purchase some of the required color and style of clothing that her job required. We bought her new underwear, a couple of pairs of jeans, new shoes and a few tops. I transported her to work, had her beautiful son here for a few days and of course I watched him when she worked and even when she was home because she wouldn't.
We told our difficult child that we expected her to be working 60 hrs. a week, that there was no reason for her not to be. She had no bills, no responsibilities, no nothing just plenty of time to work to save money so that she could buy a car, insurance, and get back on the road to the freedom she desperately wants. She was very concerned that she wouldn't have enough "me time". I made available the numbers for the free medical and free dental care she needs and provided transportation to and from her work. She got herself fired today! :grrr:
She never worked the 60 hrs. or even 40 hrs. for that matter, I think the most she worked was 24 hrs. She couldn't wait to get home and talk on the phone, play on the computer and sleep. I had to remind her to take a shower every day, I had to bug her to do her laundry and wash her sheets. I even had to tell her to move her stuff from the washer to the dryer and then to get it out of the dryer! Then all she did was left her clothing crammed and wrinkled in a laundry basket.
You know, I think in her mind she WAS doing what was expected and requested of her. From about day two, it has been a disaster and has quickly gone down hill from there. Getting fired today was the topper. I was most unhappy, especially since she told me the reason she was fired was because she (Her words) "challenged" the store OWNER about her lack of hours! :smile: And the fact that the owner was not happy that her clothing was not neat and pressed. DUH! What do expect would happen to you? Words were heated between the two of us all afternoon. When my husband got home, even more heated words were exchanged. I'm leaving a lot out, but our difficult child decided she should go back to the place she left. She could only stay there a couple of days and then would be moving to another state to live with a girl she met on the internet.
My husband took her home late this evening. When he got back home, he went to bed and when I went in to talk to him, he was crying. We both bawled like babies. We love our difficult child. We don't like her. We wanted to help her, we wanted a better life for her. I don't believe it will ever happen in our life times. She won't allow us to help her, nor will she or can she help herself. She makes the same bad choices over and over and over again with the same disastrous, painful results. She absolutely refuses mental health care or medication. There is not one thing we can do, but watch the train wreck that she is..........crash. Repeatedly. My husband refuses to maintain contact with her for self preservation reasons. I on the other hand believe that we (again) need to put our relationship with her "in it's place", accept was it is and what it isn't and to allow her what place in the family she wants.
When she left to go back to the apt. she came from, I hugged her, told her I loved her and that I hoped she could find what she needed and what would make her happy. I told her that I had had a different vision of how I wanted things to turn out, but was sad that it didn't happen for her. She hugged me back and apologized and said we get along better when we don't live together.
I read someone else had a post going about greiving. This is the second major greiving that I have had to do for my daughter that is alive. It's horrible! On Monday I will be going to my family Dr. for anti-depressants. We'll be okay with some time, I just needed to get this off my chest. It really stinks to be a parent of a difficult child.
I helped move her, we paid for and I helped wash and fold 15 loads of her laundry (in a hot laundry mat) because everything she owned was disgusting. I drove her around looking for a job, pushed her to keep going, when she got a job I took her to goodwill to purchase some of the required color and style of clothing that her job required. We bought her new underwear, a couple of pairs of jeans, new shoes and a few tops. I transported her to work, had her beautiful son here for a few days and of course I watched him when she worked and even when she was home because she wouldn't.
We told our difficult child that we expected her to be working 60 hrs. a week, that there was no reason for her not to be. She had no bills, no responsibilities, no nothing just plenty of time to work to save money so that she could buy a car, insurance, and get back on the road to the freedom she desperately wants. She was very concerned that she wouldn't have enough "me time". I made available the numbers for the free medical and free dental care she needs and provided transportation to and from her work. She got herself fired today! :grrr:
She never worked the 60 hrs. or even 40 hrs. for that matter, I think the most she worked was 24 hrs. She couldn't wait to get home and talk on the phone, play on the computer and sleep. I had to remind her to take a shower every day, I had to bug her to do her laundry and wash her sheets. I even had to tell her to move her stuff from the washer to the dryer and then to get it out of the dryer! Then all she did was left her clothing crammed and wrinkled in a laundry basket.
You know, I think in her mind she WAS doing what was expected and requested of her. From about day two, it has been a disaster and has quickly gone down hill from there. Getting fired today was the topper. I was most unhappy, especially since she told me the reason she was fired was because she (Her words) "challenged" the store OWNER about her lack of hours! :smile: And the fact that the owner was not happy that her clothing was not neat and pressed. DUH! What do expect would happen to you? Words were heated between the two of us all afternoon. When my husband got home, even more heated words were exchanged. I'm leaving a lot out, but our difficult child decided she should go back to the place she left. She could only stay there a couple of days and then would be moving to another state to live with a girl she met on the internet.
My husband took her home late this evening. When he got back home, he went to bed and when I went in to talk to him, he was crying. We both bawled like babies. We love our difficult child. We don't like her. We wanted to help her, we wanted a better life for her. I don't believe it will ever happen in our life times. She won't allow us to help her, nor will she or can she help herself. She makes the same bad choices over and over and over again with the same disastrous, painful results. She absolutely refuses mental health care or medication. There is not one thing we can do, but watch the train wreck that she is..........crash. Repeatedly. My husband refuses to maintain contact with her for self preservation reasons. I on the other hand believe that we (again) need to put our relationship with her "in it's place", accept was it is and what it isn't and to allow her what place in the family she wants.
When she left to go back to the apt. she came from, I hugged her, told her I loved her and that I hoped she could find what she needed and what would make her happy. I told her that I had had a different vision of how I wanted things to turn out, but was sad that it didn't happen for her. She hugged me back and apologized and said we get along better when we don't live together.
I read someone else had a post going about greiving. This is the second major greiving that I have had to do for my daughter that is alive. It's horrible! On Monday I will be going to my family Dr. for anti-depressants. We'll be okay with some time, I just needed to get this off my chest. It really stinks to be a parent of a difficult child.
