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Young difficult child is out of jail...
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 456716" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I have no actual advice Tammy. Your difficult child seems determined to continue to put himself in horrible positions, and along with himself, puts you and your husband in the path of his own mess making situations too. At the same time, I get that your a mother with a mothers heart. The only advice I feel I can offer is that if it gets pushed to a choice, you cannot give up your life with your husband to try to help your difficult child. Frankly difficult child isn't doing much if anything to help himself. Just remember, you didn't break him, you can't fix him. If you all reach that breaking point, this isn't a minor son you are speaking about. Your husband has to come first if it gets to that point. He too loves your difficult child, Know what I mean?? He's also pretty realistic it sounds about having basic expectations from difficult child. I see you wanting to help, and your husband wanting to help. Perhaps just in different ways. I just would hate to see your marriage in trouble so I guess that's my advice. Meanwhile I hope your difficult child finds a suitable apartment and agrees to take his mental health more seriously alongside helping his addictions. He's got a rough road ahead either way. I always tell those I care about that when trying to help someone means you are making more efforts than they are, it's time to step back and reassess your approach. If it hasn't worked before with difficult child, figure out of theres something new going on to give a sign it would be different this time. I know it would be so hard for you to watch him flailing without you and your home base to count on. Perhaps its time to decide how much of your life you're willing to risk damaging and just when you think you'll be able to tell difficult child that its your way or the highway. If you can't find an answer of what it would take you, it might be that its never going to be a cut and dried decision for you and that you just have to bite a bullet. </p><p>Hang in there though. No judgement from me regardless of how this plays out. I just worry about you and how much you are relied on when your difficult child's mess up. It truly isn't healthy at the stage your difficult child has a wife and babies. Not for him and not for you. Not for his marriage and kids either. Less motivation to get it together for them when he can coast at home with you and husband. If his marriage following apart and no access to his kids won't motivate him to seek medications, treatment etc and make real changes, how then is he ready to respect your home and not put your marriage at risk? How many lives can he ruin of those who try nothing but to help him before he is forced to hit bottom and figure out things on his own? Just food for thought and given with true caring and hope that this all gets sorted in a healthy way for every one of you all. Hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 456716, member: 4264"] I have no actual advice Tammy. Your difficult child seems determined to continue to put himself in horrible positions, and along with himself, puts you and your husband in the path of his own mess making situations too. At the same time, I get that your a mother with a mothers heart. The only advice I feel I can offer is that if it gets pushed to a choice, you cannot give up your life with your husband to try to help your difficult child. Frankly difficult child isn't doing much if anything to help himself. Just remember, you didn't break him, you can't fix him. If you all reach that breaking point, this isn't a minor son you are speaking about. Your husband has to come first if it gets to that point. He too loves your difficult child, Know what I mean?? He's also pretty realistic it sounds about having basic expectations from difficult child. I see you wanting to help, and your husband wanting to help. Perhaps just in different ways. I just would hate to see your marriage in trouble so I guess that's my advice. Meanwhile I hope your difficult child finds a suitable apartment and agrees to take his mental health more seriously alongside helping his addictions. He's got a rough road ahead either way. I always tell those I care about that when trying to help someone means you are making more efforts than they are, it's time to step back and reassess your approach. If it hasn't worked before with difficult child, figure out of theres something new going on to give a sign it would be different this time. I know it would be so hard for you to watch him flailing without you and your home base to count on. Perhaps its time to decide how much of your life you're willing to risk damaging and just when you think you'll be able to tell difficult child that its your way or the highway. If you can't find an answer of what it would take you, it might be that its never going to be a cut and dried decision for you and that you just have to bite a bullet. Hang in there though. No judgement from me regardless of how this plays out. I just worry about you and how much you are relied on when your difficult child's mess up. It truly isn't healthy at the stage your difficult child has a wife and babies. Not for him and not for you. Not for his marriage and kids either. Less motivation to get it together for them when he can coast at home with you and husband. If his marriage following apart and no access to his kids won't motivate him to seek medications, treatment etc and make real changes, how then is he ready to respect your home and not put your marriage at risk? How many lives can he ruin of those who try nothing but to help him before he is forced to hit bottom and figure out things on his own? Just food for thought and given with true caring and hope that this all gets sorted in a healthy way for every one of you all. Hugs! [/QUOTE]
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