She does not have a phone, we just can't allow it. That would end in a nightmare. We took the WII away because of it's ability to surf the net as well. We can't let her have ANYTHING with that capability. She has proven time and time again she can't be trusted. We know she get's singled out by kids because she does not have the normal things kids have but she doesn't act like a normal kid! I am very sure we are the talk at many dinner tables because of this.
12 Year old Step Daughter with ODD & Histrionic PD we're begging for help!
- Thread starter Tallgirl5
- Start date
She does not have a phone, we just can't allow it. That would end in a nightmare. We took the WII away because of it's ability to surf the net as well. We can't let her have ANYTHING with that capability. She has proven time and time again she can't be trusted. We know she get's singled out by kids because she does not have the normal things kids have but she doesn't act like a normal kid! I am very sure we are the talk at many dinner tables because of this.
Many parents think we are way too strict. They aren't the ones living this 24/7.
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
You are absolutely doing the right thing by not allowing her access to any devices. Unfortunately, she is probably gaining access via her friends' devices at school, or even the school devices themselves. Does your D have an IEP by chance?
She does not because she is an honor roll student. We have to hound her to do her homework but other then that a very smart kid. School is aware of her issue with electronics, she is monitored at school.
School is fully aware of her diagnosis. Luckily we have had very few issues at school with her behavior so far. Knock wood
So what if the other parents don't like how strict you are? Let them talk. They are idiots. I would like to see them handle this half as well as you are doing!!!! I know we were the talk of the town when Wiz had his problems, especially because our daughter was usually the target of his rage. The funny thing was that I had a LOT of parents come to me to ask how to handle problems with their own kids because I refused to hide the problems we were having. If my kid was stupid enough to act out in front of the whole school, he could deal with the whole school knowing that he had a problem. Parents talked behind their hands about how awful I was for not hiding that stuff but every time they had a problem it was my phone they were calling.
Don't let the other parents being stupid cause problems for you. Know that they are still trapped in junior high and you had the good sense to grow up and become an adult. Even then, I know it is not easy to ignore them. Still, do what you must for your daughter. Come here to vent. Know that we understand because we have been there.
It is great that she is on the honor roll!! The school should still make whatever accommodations that she needs. If the doctor says she needs this or that because she has problems, the school should be able to make them. If they say no because she is on the honor roll, that is a type of discrimination, I am sure. Just because she is getting good grades does not mean she doesn't need help to stay there. If her grades slip even a little, or she contacts strange men from the school computers, make sure the school knows.
Make sure the school monitors her closely. Chances are their idea of monitoring her is to be in the same room and have 30+ other students in the room all online. That didn't ever fit my idea of close monitoring. My son was able to get into hacking forums and porn in those situations. Make friends with the school tech guy(s) if you can. I was able to do this. I took cookies to them at times. They let me know that my son was getting into all sorts of things that no kid should be getting into, especially at school. I was able to ask his teachers where they were when this was happening. They were supposed to be watching him closely when he was on the computer so this would not happen. I did not want him on a computer at all at any time. The teachers told me that it would be impossible for teachers to teach him without him having access to the internet.
Bunch of bovine excrement if you ask me! I had to get the school superintendent involved at this point. He couldn't figure out why his teachers would be unable to teach things like math and English without the internet. He wondered if he needed to turn the internet off to the entire school if they were so dependent on it. They had these things called books that you opened and they had these things with writing on them that you could turn. This writing meant something, it actually was information that you could teach from! I about fell out of my chair as the superintendent went through explaining this to my son's teachers (with a book to illustrate for them in case they didn't know, poor things might not have seen one as they were so dependent on the internet!). It was so funny to me. It was incredibly embarrassing for them and for the principal who also had to sit through this meeting. Needless to say, my son was off the computer at school for a while.
If the internet is the problem it seems to be, you absolutely can use the info from her doctors (get them to give you information saying she should not be allowed online at any time and that it is a real safety risk as she contacts men for sex any time she is online) to get at least a 504 if not an IEP. The fact that she has good grades is wonderful, but she also needs the support of the 504/IEP. She should qualify under Other Health Impaired. I think that is the box that would be checked. Don't let them fob you off saying she doesn't need it because her grades are fine. Grades are not the only thing going on in her life, or even her life at school. It only takes her a minute or so to post an ad on Craigslist for sex, or less to check an ad she has already posted. I know you do NOT want to deal with that!
I know it seems like more than you ever wanted to cope with! No one ever wanted to do all of this!! Keeping your daughter safe from meetings with nasty older men is worth it though. She may not realize the danger she puts herself in, but you do. Until she can care for herself, It is up to you to do it for her, even when it is unpleasant.
Don't let the other parents being stupid cause problems for you. Know that they are still trapped in junior high and you had the good sense to grow up and become an adult. Even then, I know it is not easy to ignore them. Still, do what you must for your daughter. Come here to vent. Know that we understand because we have been there.
It is great that she is on the honor roll!! The school should still make whatever accommodations that she needs. If the doctor says she needs this or that because she has problems, the school should be able to make them. If they say no because she is on the honor roll, that is a type of discrimination, I am sure. Just because she is getting good grades does not mean she doesn't need help to stay there. If her grades slip even a little, or she contacts strange men from the school computers, make sure the school knows.
Make sure the school monitors her closely. Chances are their idea of monitoring her is to be in the same room and have 30+ other students in the room all online. That didn't ever fit my idea of close monitoring. My son was able to get into hacking forums and porn in those situations. Make friends with the school tech guy(s) if you can. I was able to do this. I took cookies to them at times. They let me know that my son was getting into all sorts of things that no kid should be getting into, especially at school. I was able to ask his teachers where they were when this was happening. They were supposed to be watching him closely when he was on the computer so this would not happen. I did not want him on a computer at all at any time. The teachers told me that it would be impossible for teachers to teach him without him having access to the internet.
Bunch of bovine excrement if you ask me! I had to get the school superintendent involved at this point. He couldn't figure out why his teachers would be unable to teach things like math and English without the internet. He wondered if he needed to turn the internet off to the entire school if they were so dependent on it. They had these things called books that you opened and they had these things with writing on them that you could turn. This writing meant something, it actually was information that you could teach from! I about fell out of my chair as the superintendent went through explaining this to my son's teachers (with a book to illustrate for them in case they didn't know, poor things might not have seen one as they were so dependent on the internet!). It was so funny to me. It was incredibly embarrassing for them and for the principal who also had to sit through this meeting. Needless to say, my son was off the computer at school for a while.
If the internet is the problem it seems to be, you absolutely can use the info from her doctors (get them to give you information saying she should not be allowed online at any time and that it is a real safety risk as she contacts men for sex any time she is online) to get at least a 504 if not an IEP. The fact that she has good grades is wonderful, but she also needs the support of the 504/IEP. She should qualify under Other Health Impaired. I think that is the box that would be checked. Don't let them fob you off saying she doesn't need it because her grades are fine. Grades are not the only thing going on in her life, or even her life at school. It only takes her a minute or so to post an ad on Craigslist for sex, or less to check an ad she has already posted. I know you do NOT want to deal with that!
I know it seems like more than you ever wanted to cope with! No one ever wanted to do all of this!! Keeping your daughter safe from meetings with nasty older men is worth it though. She may not realize the danger she puts herself in, but you do. Until she can care for herself, It is up to you to do it for her, even when it is unpleasant.
HMBgal
Well-Known Member
Have you tried the GizmoGadget? She can call, text (although it's tedious), has GPS on is so you can see where she is. Grandson has one and costs me 2 bucks a month. You can call it, set up certain contacts. etc. Of course, if she refuses to wear it, it won't do any good.
Ok, had a meeting today with X's principal today. She has no access to the internet at all. School is shocked at her behavior at home because she is a total angel at school. Principal said she can either mask it very well or has amazing control. How can she have so much control at school and zero at home?? Over the weekend again more lying, stealing and food hoarding. As mentioned before she has a MAJOR issue with food. She has been banned from bringing food outside of the kitchen/dining room because she refuses to put leftovers in the garbage. We will find banana peels, apple cores, half eaten muffins all shoved between couch cushions or in drawers.
We did a "room sweep" this past weekend and found a jar of peanut butter(in the closet), a stack of kraft singles(in a drawer), a bag of chips hidden in a book case... We left the house for 10 mins to run to the hardware store. We did the room sweep when we got home. Her father told her to stay out of the kitchen while we were gone. We found a still frozen can of Strawberry Daiquiri mix behind her mirror with a spoon! We also found her sisters fall jacket(that we were trying to find last week and she denied having) and one of my B12 syringes still in the wrapper(this scared us). When asked X just says "I don't know" and shrugs and will ask why we haven't sent her away yet. That has never been an option or even on the radar!
We live in a prison with locks on all the doors. We can't leave her alone for 10 mins. How can she be perfect at school and awful at home? We were trying to justify it to ourselves saying she can't help it, but obviously she can. I'm also very aware our issues seem very mild compared to some people on here and feel terrible to even complain. We have zero control over her at home. Rules mean nothing to her. She does what she wants, when she wants. Lies, cheats and steals.
We did a "room sweep" this past weekend and found a jar of peanut butter(in the closet), a stack of kraft singles(in a drawer), a bag of chips hidden in a book case... We left the house for 10 mins to run to the hardware store. We did the room sweep when we got home. Her father told her to stay out of the kitchen while we were gone. We found a still frozen can of Strawberry Daiquiri mix behind her mirror with a spoon! We also found her sisters fall jacket(that we were trying to find last week and she denied having) and one of my B12 syringes still in the wrapper(this scared us). When asked X just says "I don't know" and shrugs and will ask why we haven't sent her away yet. That has never been an option or even on the radar!
We live in a prison with locks on all the doors. We can't leave her alone for 10 mins. How can she be perfect at school and awful at home? We were trying to justify it to ourselves saying she can't help it, but obviously she can. I'm also very aware our issues seem very mild compared to some people on here and feel terrible to even complain. We have zero control over her at home. Rules mean nothing to her. She does what she wants, when she wants. Lies, cheats and steals.
Dr's have told us it's very common with ODD & ADHD. Everything has to be locked up. If we buy a bag of brown sugar for baking and leave it in the cupboard, it will be gone in less than a week. Entire bag. Same with family sized box of cereal, granola bars. ice cream. Gone in days....Zero quantity control at all. Instead of having a yogurt cup for a snack she'll have 4. If i make pasta for dinner instead of a shake of cheese on it she'll use half the container. Same thing for butter, cream cheese, mayo....
Lila256
Member
My stepson has this issue with food as well (and the inability to trust him with anything connected to the Internet), to the point where his psychiatrist referred to it as a "food addiction." We had to lock absolutely every door in this house except for his bedroom and one bathroom. He would also leave rotten food and the wrappers everywhere. He would also steal Splenda packets and suck the powder out. He would even continue to eat the rotten food he had hoarded in his room. It was like he was always starving to death, despite being overweight. I do not miss managing that issue! 
It is absolutely maddening, I get it.
It is absolutely maddening, I get it.She's been going for years, several different ones. So far nothing helps.
Lila256
Member
This is so our experience as well. Nothing helps.
