Thank you.
It is not good to forget, although it is common. It goes into the sub conscious and tends to come out later in life in flashbacks and night terrors and depression etc. Thats why i want my kids to know the story...they will remember at some time.
I personally, from what I learned, doubt your son just did this once, but I hope so. He may have hurt your kids. You need to ask them if anyone ever touched them...although if so, they may not remember or may not tell.
Your son is actually lucky. Our son was charged with first degree sexual assault of a minor. He was found guilty. He had to sign up as a sexual predator. I dont know if he still has to but he was re-arrested (is this a word??) once fof not signing up. I checked his court records. He still kept our last name.
My two younger kids are also adopted. So is my 34 year old daughter. But they all joined us very young. We wanted, at the time, to love a child with a low chance of being adopted so this 11 year old walked into our lives. I warn people now to adopt only infants, especially if there are young kids or pets in the house. These older kids have been through so much...they tend to be very damaged. This kid killed two of our dogs at the end, when he started getting careless. He was a child monster at 13, yet he was created by the adults who abused him. It wasnt his fault, but he was very unsafe. He shouldnt have been placed in a family, but nobody knew he was unsafe.
This boy acted like a lovebug to adults...pretended that he loved young children and pets. Years of abuse means years of damage. You dont know, sadly, how much or long your own son was abused by father. It would be unusual for a boy to abuse such a young child (four) if it hasnt happened to him. He may not even remember the abuse. Is this the father of all three?
I am sorry for your whole family. This is very difficult. I do understand SO and his fear. We freaked out and wanted nothing more to do with this boy. We just wanted to protect the babies. They were scared of him and we wanted them to feel safe. Heck, we didnt even feel safe around him when we heard about his worst. So we gave him back to the state and eventually they terminated our parental rights. And we stopped trying to help kids. Only the strong bond between hub and I saved the marriage and family.
I hope you get lots of help and do approach your other kids. He may not be interested in older kids of their ages, but you NEED to broach the topic. Also, what if father abused them? They need to feel safe talking to you if anyone hurt them or if anyone tries in the future.
I am so sorry. Never let your kids near the father!
