14 yr old took adhd pills to school

[dlclark]

Yesterday, just after lunch I recieved a phone call from the Vice Principal of my 14 year old daughters school.

Just a little background about Ashley.
She has been on ADHD medications since she was 10.
this 8th grade year she is definetly trying to find herself.
pink hair dye in her bangs they hang in her face and usually see only one eye (when the temporary color washed out she used a pink sharpie to recolor it). After we had told her no permanent hair dye. she is wearing more eyeliner then ever before.
some of her friends have color in their hair, black skinny jeans, very basic t-shirts.. Hollister and Abercrombie just hang in her closet. she is the talk back queen.

I know she is trying to find herself, but we don't think we like this Ashley much.
she is a follower most of the times. and more immature than others her age.


Back to the phone call

between 1-2 hour she was walking with a friend in the hall at school and she droped a small box and out rolled 7 pills

3 Vyvance, 1 Adderol and 3 Tylenol 3 from a surger I had last year.
so she ws sent to the office.

She has never been in trouble at school per the VP and believes Ashley had the ADHD medications in case she had ever forgotten to take hers at home.
the Tylenol 3, I don't know why.

Ashley thinks we are making it a bigger deal then the school, since she is never in trouble, and the teachers adore her.
so with the school protical, she is suspended for 4 days, can't go back till next Wednesday. two days before school is out for the summer.

what type of punishment does this warrant? we have taken her cell phone and laptop for now.

What can we do to give her some freedom to find herself, while hoping she knows right from wrong?

I

 

[AnnieO]

Wow. Sounds like difficult child 1, medications aside. Hair dyed black and in her eyes, black skinny jeans, tank tops and a huge zip-up hoodie. LOTS of really pale foundation including on her lips and way, way too much black eyeliner. Listens to "screamo" music. Talks back a LOT.

We had a bottle of about 25 27-mg Concerta vanish about 6 weeks ago. Tore apart both kids' rooms, could not find it. Doesn't mean it isn't there, just that we're not looking in the right place.

What can you do? Err... Not much, I'm afraid. However.

"No respect - no privileges". (Stole this from another CD board person!) Keep the cell and laptop until she can prove she is mature enough to handle them. A week to start, if she keeps up the 'tude, make it longer - and tell her that's what you will do.

Don't worry about the clothes and hair and makeup. I did similar when in jr. high & high school - only it was a lot of blue eyeliner and eyeshadow with my black clothes. This will resolve itself eventually. As long as what she is wearing doesn't morally offend you, it's all good. Let her shop at Goodwill for a while - Hollister & Abercrombie are going out of fashion anyway.

The behavior needs an adjustment, and the "no respect - no privileges" may get through. Or not. But whatever you do, don't argue about it - you are the parent. Your home, your rules.

And good luck. I'm sending you lots of hugs!

 

[KTMom91]

The clothes, hair, etc.? Let it go. Miss KT was a flat out mess till 10th grade. The more you say, the longer it lasts. The screamo music? Yup. Finally I just let out a huge ugly scream, saying I wanted to sing along. She laughed. Now she likes songs with words in them.

The medications? I would say they were for reselling. Adderall is a premium item. I don't think she should be carrying her medications on her "just in case." She can call you if she forgets.

As for the punishment? Taking the cell and laptop is good. And she should earn them back by behaving like a civilized person. Your house, your ballgame.

Good luck!

 

[trinityroyal]

I agree with StepTo2 and KTMom.

The clothes and the music, the less you fuss about them, the sooner the phase will pass or at least be adapted into something a little less...um...out there. I used to be the teen goth queen in HS. Now, I still wear lots of black and lots of leather, but I've adapted the look so that it's more "stylish" and corporate, less "threatening". I guess you could say I grew out of it, but there are definitely shades of the teen in my current look.

As for the ADD medications, I'd be worried that they're for sale too. No reason to take them to school. She can call you if she forgets.

As for consequences, I think you've made a good start. Make clear to her what your expectations are as to how she can earn her privileges back.

Good luck,
Trinity

 

[dlclark]

How does she earn privileges back?
what is a realistic time frame?

I agree with StepTo2 and KTMom.

The clothes and the music, the less you fuss about them, the sooner the phase will pass or at least be adapted into something a little less...um...out there. I used to be the teen goth queen in HS. Now, I still wear lots of black and lots of leather, but I've adapted the look so that it's more "stylish" and corporate, less "threatening". I guess you could say I grew out of it, but there are definitely shades of the teen in my current look.

As for the ADD medications, I'd be worried that they're for sale too. No reason to take them to school. She can call you if she forgets.

As for consequences, I think you've made a good start. Make clear to her what your expectations are as to how she can earn her privileges back.

Good luck,
Trinity

 

[dlclark]

but, she pushes my buttons until I am yelling.
her hair is blond with highlights she just added a bit of pink around her face.
she thinks we are making a bigger deal out of this then the VP at school.

Wow. Sounds like difficult child 1, medications aside. Hair dyed black and in her eyes, black skinny jeans, tank tops and a huge zip-up hoodie. LOTS of really pale foundation including on her lips and way, way too much black eyeliner. Listens to "screamo" music. Talks back a LOT.

We had a bottle of about 25 27-mg Concerta vanish about 6 weeks ago. Tore apart both kids' rooms, could not find it. Doesn't mean it isn't there, just that we're not looking in the right place.

What can you do? Err... Not much, I'm afraid. However.

"No respect - no privileges". (Stole this from another CD board person!) Keep the cell and laptop until she can prove she is mature enough to handle them. A week to start, if she keeps up the 'tude, make it longer - and tell her that's what you will do.

Don't worry about the clothes and hair and makeup. I did similar when in jr. high & high school - only it was a lot of blue eyeliner and eyeshadow with my black clothes. This will resolve itself eventually. As long as what she is wearing doesn't morally offend you, it's all good. Let her shop at Goodwill for a while - Hollister & Abercrombie are going out of fashion anyway.

The behavior needs an adjustment, and the "no respect - no privileges" may get through. Or not. But whatever you do, don't argue about it - you are the parent. Your home, your rules.

And good luck. I'm sending you lots of hugs!

 

[DDD]

Believe it or not I have not been there done that........even raising eight teens, lol.

But I do know one thing for sure...IF you yell, you lose. Drive to an area away from home and scream bloody murder but do NOT let your teen have the thrill of "knowing" you were sent over the edge.

It's all a power game. You must remain "the boss". Hugs. DDD

 

[trinityroyal]

How does she earn privileges back?
what is a realistic time frame?

I think this depends on how much you can expect from her and what her "currency" is. What is it about her behaviour that gets up your nose the most?

An example from Andy, one of our other posters. She told her daughter not to expect anything from Andy until daughter could be civil to her for a month. For each breach of civility, the calendar got restarted.

I don't know if something that extreme will work for your daughter, but perhaps a shorter timeframe such as a week or a couple of days. It really depends on how much she can handle.

For example, with my difficult child, we do stuff like this in increments of a 1/2 hour, or even 15 min. He just can't keep it together longer than that. If he builds up a 1/2 hour of the expected behaviour, then he earns a privilege.

I don't know if I'm helping at all, but so much of this is subjective and depends on what you want your difficult child to change.

Trinity

 

[trinityroyal]

But I do know one thing for sure...IF you yell, you lose.

And this is excellent advice too. With LOTS of practice, I've managed to get a really good deadpan-and-monotone going. The more difficult child escalates, the calmer I become and the quieter I speak. If he gets worse, I simply say that I"m not going to allow him to treat me with such disrespect, and I walk away.

WAY harder to do than it sounds, but well worth the effort.

 

[alongfortheride]

Perhaps you can add a little research project on the effects of abusing amphetamines. If she's selling them, then she should know what they could do if they are misused...stroke, heart attack, death, etc. Could be alittle eye opener. I'm sure she thinks that she takes them so what could be the harm. Around finals time in high school ADHD medications are famously abused, the kids think that they have a reason to!

 

[Suz]

She's at a prime age where peer pressure to bring/share/sell medications is rampant.

I believe in natural consequences for behaviors. Since there was no good reason for her carrying those medications (and face it, the Tylenol 3 were "stolen" since then were not prescribed for her) so I would search her person and her backpack before she leaves every day for school and when she gets home.

When she's in school I'd also search her room, top to bottom, to see if anything else is going on.

Privacy? Nope. She's going to have to earn it again.

Suz

PS. Dianna, please do a more complete signature with info on yourself and your kids.

 

[Suz]

Dianna, I also wanted to support the idea of ignoring the hair and clothes. You pay for the clothes so you have some control there. As for hair, when Rob was going through goofy styles and colors I was in the bathroom with him helping him put the dye goop on his hair. If it's not a safety issue or illegal, it's a "Basket C."

As for the talk back stuff, now's the time to perfect how to talk to your kid without engaging. This is the link in our PE archives I've referred to the most. I couldn't have survived without some of the advice shared here:

http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=685

Suz

 

[BusynMember]

The Tylenol 3 is a no-brainer. Lots of kids abuse codeine. Now for the rest: My daughter got addicted to ADHD drugs. The kids would bring their own medications or fake ADHD and get a script or steal them from younger brothers. Adderall is $10/pill. I would ask her WHY she wants to bring them to school. They are widely abused--crushed into pillcrushers and snorted either alone or with other medications. I personally wouldn't give my kids ADHD medications because, as they become teens, they certainly know their value and how much they are abused and how easy they are to get. I"m not telling you to stop giving them to her, but I would certainly be the one to administer them, then I"d keep them under lock and key. All which won't matter if she wants to abuse them as they are everywhere at school.
I would want to know why she brought them, and I wouldn't say, "Poor dear. The punishment is too harsh." in my opinion she is using drugs and it's a good idea to crack down NOW and not go into denial, like we did. THAT was disastrous for all of us.
My daughter's appearance became alarming as she abused drugs--black, black, black (even black lipstick). We made her take it off, but she probably wore it at school anyway because I'm sure her "friends" had some handy. A change in attitude, looks, and friends are big red flags for drug abuse, even if the kids act like little angels to adults.
I had no idea my daughter was into stimulants. I thought she was just using pot sometimes, which was bad enough. Turns out, now that she's clean, that I realize how often ADHD medications are abused by teens. It is a big problem. As for consequences, I'm not sure what to tell you because nothing stopped my daughter from getting deeper into drugs, not even homeschooling. My daughter started her descent into drug hell at the ripe old age of twelve. We never would have guessed or, if somebody told us, believed. She also had never been in trouble before.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

 

[standswithcourage]

I too think the adhd medications were for resale. It is very easy to do that. Was she at school? At our high school no one can even have a Tylenol on them. they have to get everything that is medicine from the nurse. I would make sure the nurse gives her any medications she may need.

 

[dlclark]

she was at school, she dropped a small box and out rolled 7 pills 4 adhd pills and 3 of my tylenol 3 from a surgery from January.
she thinks I'm making a bigger deal than the school is.
she doesn't have her cell or laptop right now.

I too think the adhd medications were for resale. It is very easy to do that. Was she at school? At our high school no one can even have a Tylenol on them. they have to get everything that is medicine from the nurse. I would make sure the nurse gives her any medications she may need.

 

[standswithcourage]

Well if she dropped that and those pills rolled out she could get into trouble for having them on her person at school. Usually students have to get any controlled substance from the nurse. It seems it was on her person for a different reason. It is very easy to sell those piills at school. I am sure it is very tempting. Hang inthere. Also if you have any piills like Tylenol 3 - put them up where she cannot get them. You never know!

 

[BusynMember]

She was either going to take them or sell them. My bet is on selling them. I think he's more into drugs than you know, a very common thing. I would try my best to ground her from whomever she is hanging with. I don't know if you can--we couldn't, but we certainly tried.

Don't minimize this. I'd give her a surprise drug test. They sell them at pharmacies.

 

[gottaloveem]

She was either going to take them or sell them. My bet is on selling them. I think he's more into drugs than you know, a very common thing. I would try my best to ground her from whomever she is hanging with. I don't know if you can--we couldn't, but we certainly tried.

Don't minimize this. I'd give her a surprise drug test. They sell them at pharmacies.

I agree with MidwestMom

 

[susiestar]

There are very few, if any, schools around that will tolerate a student having medication of ANY kind on their person with the ONE exception being asthma inhalers - and you have to do special paperwork with the office for inhalers. The only other exception would be a child who needed medications for a serious heart problem - and you still have to go through a HUGE process to get that allowed.

But, giving her the benefit of the doubt, say she truly did just have the ADHD medications on her person in case she forgot a dose. Why would she have the pain medications on her person? She is lucky it happened in school - if it had happened at a store or the mall she would be IN JAIL. Because it is illegal to carry these medications around in unmarked containers. They must, BY LAW, be in a container labelled with the info from a pharmacy. PReferably the pharmacy container.

Drug test her. Ignore the hair things, keep the cell and laptop away from her, and drug test her - esp for pot, meth, opiates and benzodiazepines (xanax and valium and the like).

Sorry.