16 too soon?

[lookingforhelp]

When is it too soon to kick them out? Do I have to wait till he is 18?

My 16 1/6 year old son has that I can do what I want attitude. He is verbally abusive to me and I can't take it anymore. I want to help, but I don't think I am always helping if I don't allow him to do it on his own.

Right now he is with his grandparents. The only problem is that they don't have rules and since he has been there he has been arrested for shoplifting. (He has never stole anything) He runs wild there.

I have been researching places that might be able to help him. Resident programs or schools cost way too much, they would leaves us penniless, and do they help?

Our insurance will cover some help at the mental hospital. Should I take him there first and try to get him help? OR just leave him with his grandparents and let him learn from his mistakes?

 

[meowbunny]

I think you have to do what is right for you, your family and your son. I doubt you can kick him out legally at 16. Even if on the streets, you'd still be responsible.

You could try filing a CHINS (Child in Need of Services) for your son, especially in light of the recent shoplifting charge. That might get you some help. Possible an out-of-home placement like a group home, foster home or, possibly, an Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

Before considering a mental hospital, you probably should get him tested to try to find out what you are dealing with. It may be the typical teen garbage, it may be much worse but you won't know without the evaluations. I'm sure someone will come along to help you with this.

In the meantime, welcome and good luck in your quest.

 

[Suz]

Hi LFH-

I don't know enough about your son to have an educated opinion. There are too many variables. Is he diagnosis'd with anything? medication history? Social history? Any evaluations? Therapy? Can you tell us more about him and do a profile signature?

Also, you don't indicate where you live. In the US we are responsible for our kids until they are 18 or "emancipated." In PA there is no such thing as an Emancipated Minor.

Welcome!

Suz

 

[Hound dog]

I'd be hesitant to kick him out at 16. Like someone else said, you'd still be considered responsible for him til he turned 18.

Welcome to the board.

Hugs

 

[Sunlight]

I would be worried that you could be responsible for his shoplifting fines like I was for ant when he was under 18. I do not think you can throw him out. ant was living with my brother when he shoplifted and I was still held responsible!

Call your social services and ask them if they do have a CHINS petition or a petition of incorrigibility. then file it.

 

[lookingforhelp]

Thank you everyone. I am new to this forum. I will try and update my sig.

My son has a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD. He is text book ODD, from what I have been reading lately. I just had him evaluated about 6 months ago. We have always had the same challanges we have now, but didnt know it was any different than normal boy things. We thought we were just bad parents and needed to be more diciplined.

School never really came out and said I should have him tested, just that he was lazy, didnt try, negative, disruptive, argumentative, didnt respect authority, etc...

...hmmm

I had never heard of ODD until 6 months ago, when he asked me for focus medication to help him in schoo. I took him to a Pyscologist (sp) and the evaluation said ODD. I didnt know what that was. I started researching it and that is my son.

I dont really want to kick him out. I am responsible for his actions financially until he is 18. But I dont know what else to do? I also have my daughter in the house is almost 2. I dont want her to see him so verbally abusive. I dont want to be abused by my own son either. I can have him live with his grandparents. I just wish they could be structured with him. I know he is better off with me, but I dont know how much more we can take.

 

[meowbunny]

His asking for medications to "focus" in school gives a real head's up to me. Many of the ADHD drugs are used by kids in middle and high school to get high, snorting be the most common method. And if my guess is correct that this really why he wants these medications, the odds are even higher he is using other drugs.

If you haven't done so, get him drug tested first chance you can but don't give him any warning it will happen. Something tells me you have a lot more to worry about than ODD right now. I'm so sorry and I so hope I'm wrong.

While he is with his grandparents, make some phone calls. Find out what your options are. That is, does social services have any suggestions, does the school. Call your county mental health agency and see what they have. Call the police and find out what you can do if he is using drugs or what can be done about an out-of-control teen. Get as mahy answers as you can. The more you know about what is available, the better chance you will have of fighting to get him some help.

 

[Hound dog]

It's awful, but I'd also have him drug tested before starting medications. I know teens here trade their ADD ect medications around and their being used recreationally. Since he actually Asked for something, I think I'd be suspicious.

Never hurts to check, and better safe than sorry.

Hugs

 

[BusynMember]

My daughter abused ADHD medications. I'd be VERY suspicious of a disturbed teen who asked for it. My daughter, who is now clean, tells me they can go for $10 a pill. The kids crush them in pillcrushers and snort them, either alone or with other things, like cocaine. Some kids steal their younger siblings prescriptions. I have come to hate stims. My daughter claims she was addicted to stimulants and that it was hard to kick them. Is there anything in the family, any mood disorders or substance abuse? ODD behavior is pretty much the rule for kids with bipolar too.