20 year old son on the streets, heartbroken mom

[Night Owl Mama]

Thank you for posting Jmom. The more I read these stories, the more convinced that addiction and untreated mental illness pretty much produce the same results in our kids. I have often felt my son was addicted in a way, to rage. His behavior is strikingly similar to my brother's who was an addict from age 15.

I am thankful that so far my son has not chosen the path of drugs and alcohol,but the path he is on is destroying him nonetheless. Off his medications, he is completely irrational. His brain and thinking is muddled. It breaks my heart that he would choose to be that way. He says he doesn't want to be that way, but he does not make his mental health a priority and we all suffer. At least out of our home he bears the full brunt of it. Society won't be as kind and understanding as we have been.

 

[RN0441]

Night Owl:

Welcome. You have your hands full! It sounds like you have a good plan in place. It is all so very hard. It's so hard to understand by thinking we are helping our children we are actually hurting them. When you feel you've done all you can do it's time to let go.

My son has a problem with addiction but I do understand the feelings that you have for your son and how he makes your home unlivable. I have felt the same way with my own son. It's truly heartbreaking and I have been mourning him for five years now.

Hang in there; you are not alone.

 

[Lil]

I think every raging tantrum he has ever had was due to one of the following:
1. Food (not having his preferred foods available)
2. Screen/media usage restrictions (i.e. You cant use xyz until you first do abc..)
3. Unexpected events such a cancellation of plans, being late, etc.
4. Sensory overload (noise, too many people talking)

Still, he has the ability not to rage. These things have happened in other places and he kept his cool. And the rage and verbal cruelty that comes out at home is totally out of proportion to the situation. If he acted that way in public he'd be arrested. There is a part of me that thinks he almost needs to experience that to "get it".

This sounds SO much like my son, at least 2 and 3. He especially does not handle the unexpected or roadblocks well. And, like yours, he has the ability to control it. I've seen him in full screaming tantrum, answer the phone to one of his friends, "Hey, 'sup?" and have a normal conversation, hang up and continue his tirade. It's infuriating.

We're struggling right now with whether to kick him back out. He was allowed back after his apartment building had a fire that made him homeless.

Mine has issues with marijuana usages as well. I think it's self-medication, but whatever it is, it has to end. Ours will have to accept help or leave.

If I had younger children, I would not be trying so hard to help this one. You can't have someone violent and abusive setting the example for your younger kids.