8 year old hates me and my new life, boyfriend etc

[Big Bad Kitty]

Hi, welcome to the board.

Just want to throw my .02 in on your situation.

Whether you only spend a couple hours with your b/f physically or not, you spend most of your time with him in your head. Does that make sense? Just judging by your posts, you are head over heels for this guy. Your child can see that a mile away. You could be playing connect 4/chutes and ladders/the game of Life/Monopoly/what have you with your kids, but your mind is on when am I going to see my FABULOUS boyfriend again. You said that you stayed in your not-so-good relationship too long. Good or not, that is her dad. And you are mooning over how great this new guy is. She did not get a chance to mourn the loss of her father first. Whether you stayed in that relationship too long or not, you jumped in to the new one too quick, in my humble opinion. Yes, you have to right to be happy, but this either needed to be kept from her to start with, or you should have waited longer before pursuing a love interest. To her, it may seem like you are not only trying to replace her father, but her as well.

I went through it with my oldest. She seethed at me for years and even resented my youngest for awhile. Nobody was there to tell me "hey, maybe you should kinda hold off...?" After reading these posts, I see that this is the general consensus, so I am not alone in my thinking. Many of us have gone through the same thing. That is the beauty of this board, to ask questions ahd hopefully learn from other's mistakes.

by the way, go White Sox

 

[flutterbee]

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree, BBK. I can see a child suddenly seeing their mother happy and being resentful that mom wasn't this happy with daddy. And I understand that that needs to be handled delicately. However, I see it all the time. Parents divorce and find new love interests. In almost all of the cases I've seen (just in life), it's been ok for dad to have a new love interest, but not for mom. Of course, that seems to be more prominent with sons than with daughters, too.

In my case, it had been years. I didn't date for long periods of time. Years. It wasn't like there was always someone new around. I can't remember how the conversation came about, but recently it came up with easy child when he had a friend over and I asked him if he would be ok if I started dating someone (this was PURELY hypothetical cause I'm not at all interested in dating). His response was, "If I like the guy." And he was very guarded and obviously uncomfortable. Yet, he has no trouble having a step-mom. He's 16 years old. And trust me, if it was someone I was interested in as more than just a friend, he wouldn't like him. been there done that.

I'm not saying that a parent should just go out and bring every date home. But, she didn't do that. She's also not shoving new boyfriend down their throats.

I think what's more likely is we are parents of difficult child's on this board. We are more likely to see these kinds of behaviors than parents of easy child's.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Again (both Heather and GoSox) that is the beauty of this board, the ability to support one another even if we disagree.

Whether I am right or not does not matter. As long as your child's issues are being attended to. Behavioral, mood, personality, what have you. We could spend forever trying to figure out the reason. I just shared my personal experience and how I thought it reflected on yours. I could be waaayyy off.

In any event. Keep in touch on the board and let us know how things progress.

 

[BusynMember]

Hey, cool!!! Another WHITE Sox fan!!!!

Hey, I want to check in one last time on the boyfriend. I so agree that you think he's terrific and probably think of him when he's not around. I don't think you shouldn't see him, but I'd see him only when your ex has the kids. I would NEVER bring his kids around. Goodness, the kids are probably more traumatic to your child than the boyfriend, although it's a package nightmare for many divorced children. I made the mistake once of bringing just a man FRIEND home with his kids. My daughter freaked out (this is a daughter who turned to drugs later on). She was convinced that this man and I had something going on and she flat out told me that she wanted her daddy and yelled it in front of him and called him names (this child was also a easy child at the time--I blame myself partly for her drug use). She also told me later that if I'm going to have "his bratty kids" around she wanted to "live with Daddy. I don't want them here." This was maybe a year after my divorce from my ex.
Two years later, I met my husband. At first I tried to involve him with the kids, but they were very unhappy still--only one of my three bothered to even try to know him. I decided to keep him seperate from my kids when I saw two out of three acting very upset about him. I have found that no matter how much we love our new bfs and think they rock, our kids mourn for their dads and don't like to see mom with them. Even after husband and I married, two of the kids didn't accept him. I was lucky that husband was understanding and didn't try to be "daddy." He didn't get involved in discipline--me and ex did that, which made it a little better, but it was still hard. And hub had no children to complicate things further.
There's really no need to expose kids to our relationships as we have every other weekend free and can see boyfriend then. We have a right to be happy, but my opinion is not at the expense of our kids.

 

[flutterbee]

I think it's far too easy to blame the mom for having a boyfriend and that's what is causing the problem. And it becomes very easy to ignore the fact that the behavior started to escalate BEFORE the boyfriend was in the picture.

I think it's more likely that this is a child who would have developed issues even if the parents had stayed married. Reacting with violent outbursts is not behavior we expect to see in neurotypical kids, no matter the driving forces behind it.

Throwing a boyfriend into the mix certainly complicates any picture. But the behavior started before. And she's stated repeatedly that he's not around the kids much at all.

MWM - you said that 'we have a right to be happy, but not at the expense of our kids.' I'm not passing judgment of any kind, but you yourself said that 2 of your 3 kids acted very upset about your husband yet you married him anyway.

I don't think it's fair to point fingers and say, yep this is what caused it because we here cannot possibly know that. I think this mom has enough guilt she is wading through. Let's not add to it.

I realize that this topic hits a nerve with me. It's been quite alright for my ex to remarry, but let me get interested in a guy and all hell breaks loose in my house. My son goes into depression, I start dating someone and all of a sudden it's my 'fault' my son is depressed. I hadn't dated anyone seriously before that instance for 6 YEARS. Don't get me started.

ETA: And not all of us get every other weekend free.

 

[BusynMember]

I doubt if your kids are fine with your ex remarrying, but, hey, I don't know your situation. Also, after six years, well, in my opinion that's different. I also don't think this boyfriend and his kids are the whole thing with this child, obviously. But I do think it's not helping at all and causing divided attention and extra chaos in the house (notate THREE kids). I went through this with PCs and it's JMO. I'm not a big fan of introducing kids to boyfriends and their kids for a long time (and to be 1 1/2 years the wounds are still quite fresh). I think it messes kids up even more. I think it's too much too fast so I gave my opinion, like we all do. In my family I KNOW my kids (who were all PCs at the time) were screwed up partly because of my dating in front of them. in my opinion only if we decide to leave hub or he leaves us, that still doesn't mean we can do exactly what we want to be happy, even if our kids are damaged by our choices, and I would go easy on the boyfriend and his kids. We all have a right to be happy, but we also have a responsibility to our children who in no way asked for our divorce. Seems like almost all my 11 year old daughter's friends are from divorces and have to deal with new bfs and gfs and spouses and kids from other people--most of the kids are quite resentful of at least one set, even if it has been years. Many are getting to the age where they can pick who they live with and want to get away from one of their parent's new spoues AND stepchildren. It's a choice we make, but I think it's unfair to be angry at our kids because they resent our new honeys and their kids. Heck, I know k ids who have to go through multiple boyfriends with their moms (and vice versa) and they vent to ME--they don't tell their parents how they feel. I stay at home so I'm kinda the neighborhood mom sounding board. I just wouldn't go there with dating, if I had it to do over again. The price to my kids mental health wasn't worth it. Again, we are all posting our own experiences and opinions. Yes, I married three years after I divorced. in my opinion it was a mistake. I'm positive my daughter, who tells me now how lonely and confused she felt, was swayed into drug use with a bad crowd partly because of this marriage, and he didn't even have any other kids. I think it would have been tons better to have waited another two years to marry. My daughter needed more of my attention and she didn't need another man trying to discipline her--she, and all three kids, resented that from him. I can't imagine what it would have been like if he had kids, even one child. I'm trying to help others maybe learn from my mistakes...JMO

 

[Marguerite]

There can be other reasons for a child rejecting a boyfriend. And as GOSOX told us, the problems with her daughter began before the boyfriend was on the scene.

BBK, you've come close to this other reason in your descriptions.

When a marriage breaks up, the children's world gets changed drastically. For our children, the world revolves around them. The sun rises FOR THEM in the morning, breakfast magically appears on the table, there is always dinner ready and snacks available too, unless a parent is being wilfully controlling and refusing the child access to the snacks of her choice. But in general - children grow up taking us and the stability of their environment for granted. And like it or not, it is mothers who are seen by most children as the providers of their needs. Sorry, fellas.

And now YOU'VE left. Naughty mummy. Everything was fine (according to her - she can conveniently forget, or self-censor, the arguing; or tell herself it wasn't THAT bad). She is expressing her anger with you at causing the upheaval in her world.

And still - she expects everything to revolve around her, and getting HER needs met. She requires/demands your undivided attention. You work three jobs - so when are you available for her? Are you still putting breakfast on the table? Still maintaining the old familiar family routines? Or does your new situation make other life changes necessary?

I would also be seriously thinking and cataloguing ALL the changes in her life since the split. Stop thinking it's all your fault - you see far less of her now, there are many other influences in her life. What are they? What has been happening elsewhere?

My best friend split with her husband before I ever met her. He was physically and emotionally abusive; she also suspects he was sexually abusing both children. At the time of the separation (he left her for the woman next door, would you believe) her son was 2, her daughter was 5. Both had witnessed the beatings. After the beatings, he would want sex. One sick dude.
She raised the kids on her own. He had access but didn't fight too hard when the kids refused to visit (especially the daughter) and when he moved interstate the visits stopped almost completely.
She raised the kids herself, but tried to be a friend to them, especially her daughter. And the girl was a big handful. Tantrums galore. An expert in deflecting unwanted attention and criticism, but grabbing any positive attention. And she lived in the certain knowledge that her mother was always there for her.
Then about ten years later, my friend (who by this time was back in the workforce full time) met a lovely man. Her daughter also liked this man very much - he had been a favourite Middle School teacher. But when romance developed - oh no, not acceptable at all. She was furious with her mother. "How dare you have a boyfriend! You're not allowed to have a boyfriend until I'm grown up and have left home!" [I'm not kidding - this fifteen-yar-old really did say that]
Her mother's response was, "If I can't have a boyfriend, then neither can you." Perhaps not the most mature response, but it worked better than anything else.

That relationship foundered, but not because of the daughter, who did slowly come round to the idea - he WAS her favourite former teacher, after all - but because this wonderful man was also very unstable and could not allow himself to be happy. Unfortunately, my friend gave her daughter credit for somehow recognising that the relationship was doomed. She painted her daughter as a model of perception, for being able to recognise that this man would not be ideal boyfriend material for her mother. Of course this is wrong - the daughter was objecting, because her mother's loyalties were now divided. Daughter was now obviously no longer the centre of her mother's universe. She had to share her mother, and had no intention of doing so without a very loud fight.

These days - now even the mother can reluctantly see that her daughter has big problems. She will be 30 in a few weeks' time and has never seen the therapists she so desperately needs. It took another five years before my friend met another man she liked, but she now has a boyfriend who her daughter accepts.

For my friend the boyfriend problem was purely one of "I've had enough to deal with lately, I need your undivided attention and loyalty, I refuse to share you with anyone."
Plus, there have been underlying problems which may have been the result of her father's abuse; may have been the result of the split and associated problems; may have simply been hereditary psychiatric disorders now galloping out of control.

It would help to know. But most of all, it would help to get help. I wish my friend had got help for her daughter, while she was still young enough to be made to see a psychiatrist. Too late for her now. Not too late for your daughter.

Be prepared to consider that it's not your fault; that maybe your daughter is just being a selfish little git. Hey, it's normal. it's what kids do. But also be prepared to consider that she may need expert, independent counselling to get her over this hump.

Good luck with it all and keep us posted on how you get on.

Marg

 

[GOSOX]

Wow... lots of advice from a lot of different people.
I want to make clear again that even before she knew I had a bfriend she was having tantrums.
I also want to make clear that prior to my leaving I was home all of the time.. I work a school schedule and I was home after school each day and all night.My X rolle din between 6-7 and then did nothing.


Now that I HAVE to work 3 jobs I see them less 1.5 hours... yes I know it makes a differnce and wreaks havoc with their daily after school schedule but what else am I supposed to do?
( Please dont really tell me.. I have HEARD IT ALL!)

Yes.. I know work when I dont have them. ( which I do)

Unless one of you wants to pay off all of my debt that I have run up over the last year to live.. ( not nonsense stuff) .. my rent...gorceries..there is NO OTHER CHOICE.
My trial is in March. At that time I am hoping for my settlement ( within 60 days) and then I can drop one of the jobs..so.. him.. lets see.. my choice is to work more jobs and feed my kids... and have a nice place to live for my kids... or go to shelter ( which I am not knocking I know many people that have used it) then that is ONE MORE UPHEAVEL..

My boyfriend does not LIVE with me.
As stated in a prior post my kids and I see him every other with-e on a Saturday and sporatically in between only interacting with the kids in a 15 minute increment.

I also am FROM a divorced home.
I understand.

I am a professional person.
Educated.
Work in a school.
I know the drill.
I see the high risk kids.
I am doing the best that I CAN!

 

[BusynMember]

I'm sorry if I seemed hard on you. I was divorced and ya do what ya gots ta do. As far as work, I only worked one job, but that job was exhausting and I was wasted when I got home. My kids did not get the best of me. I was lucky--ex paid child support with regularity. If you have a deadbeat dad, well, you're in trouble until the courts get to him. I don't understand how daughter can "hate" boyfriend if she rarely sees him though--to me that means it's best just to can the 15 min. she sees him and leave him out of it. One less issue. (((Hugs)))

 

[flutterbee]

Go Sox -

No more guilt. You are doing what you have to do. Even people that stay married go through upheaval, financial crises, etc. Life happens. We make the best of it.

I think it sends an unhealthy message to our children when we say that we are willing to sacrifice everything - even a chance at our own happiness - just so they don't have to be unhappy for a minute. Studies repeatedly show that today's youth are more narcissistic than ever. We are creating an 'It's all about ME' culture.

You are not doing anything wrong. You are working to provide for your family. Lots of families work multiple jobs to make ends meet. At the turn of the century, families (including children) worked 16 hour days, 6 days a week. You're a long way from that. And you're children are learning the value of work.

You're not parading one new man after another. You are in a committed, stable, HEALTHY relationship that makes you happy.

So, please, stop the guilt. It's an unproductive and wasted emotion.

I'm kind of surprised at some of the reactions here as all of us parents of difficult child's have had fingers pointed at us: too strict, too lenient, too involved, not involved enough, not consistent, not flexible. WE know how people react. We've heard it all and dealt with it all - including the guilt that comes with it all. We've all second-guessed every move we've made. And we've all tried our damndest to help our kids.

My parents divorced when I was 8. For me, it was a relief. The tension was gone. My home life was full of turmoil until that time. I remember asking my mom why she stayed married to my dad for so long. I was probably 10. Not every child of divorce reacts the same way.

Listen to the professionals. While you're seeking out the evaluation for your daughter, does your school offer groups for children of divorce? Our elementary school had groups run by the school psychologist and guidance counselors for children of divorce. It might be worth looking into. It couldn't hurt.

Hang in there. Stop blaming yourself. The reaction you are seeing from your child is not what would be expected from a neurotypical child.

(((hugs))))

 

[GOSOX]

Thank you Wyntersgrace and everyone else.
My children got here at 6 and it has been wonderful.
So far so good.
We did beading and fun things...my boyf called once and I kept it brief and she did not say a word and we just went right back to beading.

I am 1/2 way done with reading "The Explosive Child" and my bought my next book today for myself, " Eat Pray Love" I have heard good things about it
.
As for the, " explosive child" I really like it and it is enforcing what I have already learned from my parent expert that I see. Who by the way wrote, " When your kids push your buttons." The book has been a " bible" ( no offense) for myself and friends alike.

With the " Explosive Child." I find it confusing though.. trying to switch fast from plan A, B and C. It is like I need it in slow motion! ( like kids are like that ..ha!)

Talk to all of you later.. off to finish my book.

 

[Marguerite]

Take it slowly. Also, take what works for you and leave the rest. Just keep it in mind.

You don't seem to realise it, but you are probably doing the best you could be doing under the circumstances. Try to avoid guilt - all it does is slow you down. While it's important maybe to try to find possible causes/triggers for her hateful behaviour, you need to not let this introspection drag you down with it.

I gave the example of my friend's daughter to try to show that there can be many causes for this type of behaviour, sometimes working together, and sometimes there is no easy answer. At least you are asking questions now, unlike my friend. Also, in my attempt to try to describe possible scenarios, you may have misunderstood and thought I was criticising you. I wasn't. I sometimes drop into a form of "what the child might be thinking", which certainly doesn't reflect what I think about you, not in any way. But I have learned, that if you understand what your child might be thinking or feeling, it gives you an advantage in dealing with them.

It's a lousy deal in life when you have to work as hard as you are right now. It's not easy. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. I've had my moments of working multiple jobs. I watched easy child work two, sometimes three jobs (one of them technically full-time hours) while also studying full-time at university. There are a number of people on this site with similar ghastly schedules foisted on them by circumstances. I wouldn't wish it on a dog. I really do hope the settlement goes in your favour and is nicely uncomplicated. I am concerned from your description that your daughter's problems pre-date the boyfriend and also pre-date your extra working hours - it does seem to indicate a lot more is going on than just the 'simple stuff'. I do think you are right to be concerned about her.

Back to "Explosive Child" - with the apparently confusing switching between plans A, B, C - don't try to do too much, just go slowly at whatever pace you can handle. It works best when you have a good instinctive 'feel' for it, which takes time and practice. But even a little, should also show a little improvement. The limit on how much it can help - if there is an underlying disorder which is limiting her ability to moderate her behaviour, you will find improvement only so far and no further, until she gets any more professional help. However, any improvement you can give her can also make it easier for you and doctors to perhaps find a more specific diagnosis. It's like, remove all the variables you can, and what's left is more easily identified.

I've heard a lot about the other book you mentioned. I'll also look at the website you posted. Thanks for the link.

I'm glad you had a more pleasant evening. Every positive is good groundwork.

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Marg

 

[SRL]

I've been following this thread because in many ways I grew up in your daughter's shoes. Parents had a lousy marriage. Mom was miserable and sought divorce. For us kids that translated into some problems being better (less fighting between parents to witness) but it also made a whole lot of things worse: mom went from stay at home to huge financial problems forcing her to work long hours and sometimes two jobs but still just barely having enough to live on, various babysitting arrangements, weekend visits to the other parent, both parents jumping into relationships quickly after the divorce, moved from a farm house with property to an apartment...and in my own case my mother's exhaustion and mental health issues resulted in some very bad treatment of us kids. I was an A/B student, easy child kid, independent, strong-willed, never got in trouble in school,...and at home I gradually started flying some difficult child flags, culminating in all heck breaking loose when my mom started seeing someone seriously and moved him into our house. My rebellion didn't take the form of non-compliance, getting in trouble at school, etc. I had a sharp wit and tongue and knew precisely where to direct it to do the most damage, plus I realized I was very effective at power struggle and it wasn't long before I had my brothers listening to me over my mom.

Neurologically there was nothing amiss with me. What was "wrong" was that my once stable (albeit not ultra happy) life had become incredibly unstable and everything and everyone that was familiar was gone. To me what was wrong was that my mom basically traded in one set of problems for another set that was just as bad and eventually worse. I had no control over anything that was happening. I started fighting against anyone that was involved in removing the original stability or threatening it even more (both parents and SO's). While anger of that nature is very damaging to relationships I do believe it can serve a very useful purpose in effectively building a wall to help protect the individual from further hurt.

If my mom were to write her side of the story the same events would be interpreted from her viewpoint-her unhappiness in marriage and desire to get out of the house of a controlling spouse, her desire to build a better life, her frustration over the economic situation (70's recession) and inability to do anything beyond just getting the bills paid and food on the table and even that was challenging, her resentment at us kids because we stood in the way of her finding and/or maintaining a relationship.

I don't mean this in any way to be judgemental, but the reality is that divorce turns a child's world upside down and knowing what we went through, it's always far more surprising when kids accept it easily and adjust well. My mother's dreams to build a happier life for herself and us kids were all normal, healthy desires. Likewise my desire to have my life stable again and resentment towards those individuals who had torn it apart were normal. My mother and I represented colliding viewpoints of the very same situation. It's taken me years as an adult to see my parent's sides more clearly and to come to the point of understanding I'll never be able to see it as they did through their own eyes. Time was the only help for me: now that I'm an adult, a parent, a wife in a challenging marriage, and know what it takes to put food on the table and a roof over, I can see more what she went through but as a child all I was interested in was my own upheaval and hurt and how unfair it all seemed. My two brothers handled it differently than I did--one complacent, the other mostly shut down and didn't have super close bonds with either parent.

There can be other reasons for a child rejecting a boyfriend. And as GOSOX told us, the problems with her daughter began before the boyfriend was on the scene.

Just a thought here-sometimes a child rejects a boyfriend because they're sensing something the parent isn't seeing. In my mother's case, SO#1 just happened to neglect mentioning he was still married when he moved into our house with his very young children. SO#2 was a generous man and encouraged my mom to quit work to rest up from her year's of hard work and exhaustion--an admirable gesture...had he not gone on a drinking binge a year later during which time they had to use all the money she'd withdrawn from her retirement account to live on. I don't mean to insinuate that your SO is either of these, but I always think it's worth at least hearing a child out because sometimes they have insight we don't.

Gosox, again I don't mean to be judgmental--I'm just sharing my experiences with you because I recognized some of my reactions in your daughter. I know you're working hard to make a living and working hard at parenting. I feel for you because I know what kind of great upheaval this whole set of circumstances brought into our home when we were going through it. You mentioned seeing a parent educator to help you through this but is your daughter seeing a therapist to help her through *her* own issues? We did a brief stint in family counseling but the focus was to get the family functioning again and came much too late. I've wondered if if it might have been more effective if some focus had been on us kids and helping us to heal and cope first, and only later on our behaviors/interaction and how they impacted the family.

 

[Shari]

Gosox,

This has been an interesting thread. I've been reading the posts and responses, and haven't had much to add - everyone is quickly and aptly stating anything I'd have to offer.

I did hear you say, tho, that following the guidlines from the Explosive Child is hard, and its like you need everything to go in slow motion. I just wanted to tell you that I felt the same way when I first started using that method with my son. I felt like I was so slow thinking thru everything that I was totally ineffective. However, it did get easier and we started seeing a difference in him.

Many, many hugs. You had to choose between 2 really not-so-great options (stay in a bad marriage or make a go of it alone). You made your choice and you're doing the best that you can - and NO ONE should ever feel guilty for that.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

See, what SRL was saying...that's ALL I meant.

Maybe I'm a little rough around the edges is all.

Quick, someone get the belt sander.

 

[Shari]

BBK - that will hurt.

 

[GOSOX]

Happy New Year..
It was EXTREMELY smooth with my daughter.
We house sat for a friend.
My boyfriend was there and his children for New Years and a sleepover.
I could not believe why it went so well.
I am complete shock still.. hours after dropping the children off to their father.
Anyhow.. I was happy at the time and so was she.
Thats all the matters.
Of course as we are leaving and dummy me states, " wasnt that New Years fun?" No I hate them all " was her reply.( even though she was laughing .. sledding.. face painting.... video gaming it..( which is big as I dont allow) Its like I want her approval? Perhaps she has loyality to dad and feels guilty?
Anyhow.. it went smashingly well and no explosions. I headed off two with verbal cues and not pushing.


Ok.. lets see a few clarifications:
Yes.. the " Explosive Child."
I am trying to read it and perform it.. not TOTALLY natural yet.. although it is very much in sync with the Bonnie Harris Book I read and I see her as well every other week or so..
.. so it is all coming together.
A question.. although I know you have to " pick your battles"... where do draw a line .. or not... When she began to be mouthy this with-e.. i had to decide " is it worth it to say something or not .. let is slide and talk to her about it later...
I cued her... and then felt it out from there.... FOR SURE I am getting the "try to get in there BEFORE the explosive episode," Because as we all know.. it is foolish to try and stop it in mid motion.
I guess it will come togther.
Mouthyness is a trigger for me and she knws how to push my buttons.. so I guess.. every situation is different?

Lets see what else..

My daughter and I also had a chat about Xmas eve and her strong need to be with her dad.( this was N years eve while the rest of the clan was watching a film... and she and I dont do TV much so we were chatting reading on a couch )

I believe I told all of you on Xmas eve she was sobbing and it turned sour with punching and swearing etc. She ended up with her Dad picking her up here for Xmas eve.
I asked her if she " just wanted to be home for Xmas." She stated yes and started crying.. telling me she loves to wake up at home and not here. ( we have lived in that house since 1996 and she knows only that home) so it is in haste for me to even compare my apt to that for her.
I keep thinking.. will it make a difference when I get a house again?
I guess not.. any ideas?
Yes.. I know.. start new traditions etc... but as you all know. the smells and sounds of home are so powerful.
At times I think would it have been different if I made HIM leave. ( I tried and he wouldnt)
Anyhow.. thats where its at.
Thanks for all of the advice.
This is very interesting.

GOSOX

 

[DDD]

I sincerely hope that 2008 brings peace and happiness to you and yours. We all have to make our own decisions and then live with
how it ends up. There is no magic ball...darn it! DDD

 

[Star*]

GoSox, ('scuse me) BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRRRRR VVVVVRRRRRRRRR VBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRVVVVR BRRRRRRRRR
eeeeeeerrrr eeeeerrrrrr eeeeeeerrrrrr schhhhh schhhh schhhhh schhhhh

(little sanding to do there eh eh) THERE YOU GO YOU SMOOTH KAT!

I loved the book about pushing buttons - it was fantastic! You're lucky to have her for a parenting coach.

Star

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Careful Star.


I think you caught one of my, erm, buttons.