A Mom (with no kids...)

[Chasejazz]

Rolling on the floor laughing here. So. Funny. I would have been honored to be part dog or cat. Gee. I need to get one of those tests.

I cannot believe this woman, your daughter. She's a spoiled brat. Please, please don't let her use you as a whipping boy. You are a good enough mom, like the rest of us. That's all anybody gets. Nobody human is perfect.

Sometimes I am angry. I see happy families. Adult kids who visit their parents, right here on my street. Mother's Day, etc.
I buy small things during the year to put for myself under my small tree at Christmas. I spend a day here and there with my ex-husband as we're still friends, just couldn't be married.
I don't know where the line is between being a "good parent" and a "good enough" parent...
I never in all my life would have imagined things would turn out this way. Never.

 

[Copabanana]

I never in all my life would have imagined things would turn out this way. Never.

I have felt this way too. I am reading a book that I like called Happiness is a Choice. By Barry Neil Kaufman. I got it used for less than 4 dollars on abebooks.com. It's worth it. This is the same guy who wrote Son Rise. The book about his autistic son and how he grew up to be fine.

His is a lemons to lemonade philosophy. But what other good choice do we have? We can be all stunned and bummed that we have arrived to this disaster (me) and stay there in that misery or we can learn to take charge of our internal states, and change. We can't necessarily control our external circumstances. But some, yes, we can. But our internal world, our thoughts and attitudes, and our behaviors, we can modify.

 

[Chasejazz]

I have felt this way too. I am reading a book that I like called Happiness is a Choice. By Barry Neil Kaufman. I got it used for less than 4 dollars on abebooks.com. It's worth it. This is the same guy who wrote Son Rise. The book about his autistic son and how he grew up to be fine.

His is a lemons to lemonade philosophy. But what other good choice do we have? We can be all stunned and bummed that we have arrived to this disaster (me) and stay there in that misery or we can learn to take charge of our internal states, and change. We can't necessarily control our external circumstances. But some, yes, we can. But our internal world, our thoughts and attitudes, and our behaviors, we can modify.

Thanks. I love to read! I will look into getting the book. Have a great night!

 

[BusynMember1]

Copa, Kay makes me feel very guilty about adopting her. "You took me out of my country and tried to change who I am!"

I think her adoption is part of her problems. It hurts me that she is looking for her "real mother" but she really needs to do it. I often wonder about her genetics. She is so distirbed.

Thank you.

 

[Tanya M]

You said you have a 37 year old son who is homeless-wandering, but you seem to have done a lot of work in dealing with it. I'm not quite there yet.

Yes, I have done lots of work to detach but I also spent many years enabling and staying stuck in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) I wish I would have found this site years ago!! I literally could have saved tens of thousands of dollars and my sanity!
My husband and I tried everything to help our son. I know first hand that giving them money and things will never solve their problems.
The main thing I did to detach was to accept that my son was going to live his life on his terms and any hopes and dreams I had for him would never come to reality. I also realized that the hopes and dreams I had were mine, not his.
I don't think I will ever understand or like the way my son chooses to live his life but it's his life, not mine. I need to live my life and he needs to live his life.
It's been several months since I have heard anything from my son. We have gone over a year not hearing from him. These types of lapses of communication used to really bother me where I would get sucked into the "what if's", what if he's dead, hurt, in jail, overdosing, etc........... I came to a place of letting go of all of that when I allowed myself to grieve. I grieved for the sweet little boy I once had, I grieved for the lost hopes and dreams, I grieved for the relationship I wish I could have had with him. You see, grieving is not just for when someone dies but that being said, I also had to accept that he very well could die and I would never know.
This has not been an easy journey for sure but I am living proof that you can move on from the chaos, you can move on to live a happy and fulfilled life.

 

[SeekingStrength]

My adoptive parents are an Italian mother and a Black father. Their children, who are my siblings by adoption, are of course mixed race.
There was no shock factor here -- as my kids, though knowing I was adopted, were raised in a very cultured environment, just like I was.
Just another twist to the craziness.
My 85 year old mother said I should have told MG, "at least the DNA test didn't came back part German Shepard. Then she might have had to take up barking....".
My mom's a riot.
My parents are wonderful people.
Thanks guys.

I love your mom.

 

[Chasejazz]

I love your mom.

Me, too. She's a One Of A Kind, that's for sure.