Abused children who love thier parents dearlyuntil the end

[BusynMember]

Janet, I understand. But, even if you had a bad relationship with your mom, and it sounds like you did, you did have a relationship and she loved your child. My mom and I had no relationship per her wishes and she didn't even know any of my children and left nothing to them either and never mentioned them as relatives. I had deliberately moved out of state to be away from all my DNA connections so I don't know if w hat happened to you could have happened to me. Plus my mother did have money and she paid for her nursing home care. Medicaid wasn't involved. Social Services were not involved.

There is another part to this story too. You may understand better why I stayed away when you hear this. Eight years before my mom got brain cancer, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor (benigh supposedly). She told everyone, including my father, not to tell me about it. She did not want me to know. Even my father, who was divorced from her, kept it from me. I have no idea why she didn't want me to know. Nobody else knows either. I can only guess she didn't want me to visit her. Not even then. I found out years later, but before she got brain cancer, which the doctors said had nothing to do with the tumor and which I don't believe. You can never really take out an entire tumor and it can turn to cancer. Whatever the case, after THAT experience, hello, if she didn't want me there when she had her wits about her, I wasn't about to be there no matter how sick she got. I did not feel it was my place or responsibility and I was not going to put my family on hold to care for her, even if my sister had refused. I know my sister had a hard time doing it alone (my brother lives in NJ), but again my sister had helped the rift along and I figured since she had a warm relationship with our mom, and our mom was good to her and her kids, it was HER responsibility.

So there you have it.

Some may think I'm coldhearted, but I'd counter with that not making any sense. We were not in any way close although I tried and she was cruel to me all my life and cruel to my kids. But for DNA, we were strangers. I am always fascinated (morbidly so) when somebody is beaten, raped, and even tortured by a family member yet they maintain contact once they are adults. Janet, it sounds like your mother was cruel, but somehow you overcame that to be a better person than her in the end. I could not be as big as you were. And I truly didn't think I should be. And, of course, she had my sister.

I find people interesting. I appreciate it when people share their reasons for what they do and I thank you and understand.

 

[GuideMe]

In all honesty, in the very beginning I had no choice. Social services in SC threatened to have me arrested if I didnt go down immediately to deal with her. Immediately as in the next 90 minutes. Thats approximately how far I lived from her. I had to leave my job, call someone to get Cory because he was in a mental health after school program and I would not be home in time to get him and Tony was out of town working. I had to beg my job to give me some FMLA which they denied after the first 5 days.

At least in 01, a child was responsible for a parent if the parent became disabled and wasnt able to get medicaid and my mom wasnt eligible for that.

After that, I found my mother's will in all her papers, along with a whole bunch of other awful stuff she had written to everyone from the President down to my former boss telling them what an awful person I was. I found out in her will she pretty much cut me out and left everything to my oldest son. Her wording for me was that I was allowed $10 per year for medication IF I was homeless and could prove I needed the medication. Only if I was homeless. That was her greatest wish for me.

In the end it didnt matter because I became her POA and I had to spend her down so she became eligible to get into a nursing home eventually. In order for me to even bring her to live with me I had to trade in my old single wide 3 bedroom mobile home for a 4 bedroom doublewide. Trust me, she paid for that one. I had lost my job by that time because I couldnt go back to work within the 5 days they gave me. I paid myself each month out of her savings what I would have made after taxes. Having her there was costing me money. It cost me my career.

Dang, that is horrible Janet. I am sort of glad you took her for all she was worth. Is that wrong of me to say that? Ugh, and I can believe they threaten you with jail. Something like that happen to my friend and I was beside myself, BESIDE myself, that there was a law like that and police acted upon it. That is total horse crap.