adhd possilble odd...does it get any easier?

[help us cope]

hoping to get some insight from those who are much more experienced with all of this. this is only the beginning for us and we fell at a complete loss and ignorant to this diagnosis, the medications, the counseling....how many @#$% conditions are out there that need to be identified? what medications seem to be the most common? how do families deal with this and still stay a happy family??

 

[Suz]

Hi Help Us Cope,

I noticed that you are new to our board. Welcome!

At first I wondered if you posted in this forum accidently but having read your post again I better understand what you are asking.

The answer to your first two questions......."A Ton."

There are a ton of different dxes that can be mistaken for ADHD, a ton of different medications you can try, and a ton of various counseling/therapies to experiment with. I'll bet the parents here have tried most-or all- of them. What will be successful depends upon the chemical makeup of your child, how accurate the testing is to determine an accurate diagnosis and how astute a therapist is in helping the individuals involved or the family as a whole.

My best advice it to educate yourself like you are doing now. Start reading. Read our FAQ/Board Help forum- that Chandler Papers. Read the articles we have on the board. Read the Archives of all of the forums. Reading and educating yourself will lead to new questions and new directions to explore.

You have a very long road ahead, I won't kid you.

The best advice I have for your marriage is for you and your husband to maintain a united front. Get counseling if you have to. But you must stay on board with one another. My 25 year marriage was a casualty of years and years of stress, differing parenting styles, insufficient communication. Don't allow that to happen to yours.

Oh, and a date night where no talking about kids helps, too. Obviously, we didn't do that often enough...

Suz

 

[Hound dog]

Welcome to the Board

Suz gave you some great advice.

Knowledge is the key. The more you know, the better equipped you are to handle what comes your way and to help difficult child. You as parents will be difficult child's best advocates. No one knows difficult child like you do.

I think the best thing I ever did was to insist my husband go to every single appointment, and every single IEP meeting. That way he has always had the same information as I had first hand, instead of me trying to remember everything or interpret what the docs said. Plus he could give me his take, or add info for the docs. My husband was a major PITA as far as my difficult children were concerned when they were young. By the time we were a couple of years into the process, he had learned enough that we were finally on the same page and started to see lasting results.

You have to be good to yourself. Raising difficult child's is tough work. If you aren't up to snuff the whole family is going to feel the effects. And taking time for yourselves as a couple is a huge deal. It's not hard for the stress of gfgdom in a house to pour over into every other aspect of your lives. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, or to take it when offered. Take breaks from time to time even if it is just taking a long walk.

You've found the Board. And that's already a huge help. You'll find support here that can't be found anywhere else. I wish I'd found the board when my kids were little. I think alot of things would have turned out differently.

hugs

 

[CAmom]

I'm not really qualified in any way to offer advice, but, as the mother of a 17 1/2 year old who is now in a court-ordered Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I can, sometimes, clearly see what I/we might have done differently. Not that doing so would have been any guarantee of a different outcome, but, who knows...

I would say, as has been suggested, make sure you and your husband are equally involved and agree on EVERY issue in advance, before you respond to your child about those issues.

But, most importantly, if I had it to do over again, I would put my own feelings aside and allow my son to fully experience the consequences of his actions, DESPITE the pain it caused me.

I can't tell you how many times I, by trying to make things easier for my son, stepped in to help ease the pain for him (me)in regard to the consequences of his behavior.

Now, at almost 18 years old, sadly, he's still expecting me to do that.

 

[ScentofCedar]

Hi, help us ~ welcome to the site!

I am glad you found us.

The parents here are rich sources of information and support, and you will be surprised what a difference having access to the site makes in your ability to cope on a day to day basis.

Barbara

 

[KFld]

When my difficult child was first diagnosed with adhd I know I read everything in site about it. I am a big one for gathering all the information I possibly can.
Welcome to the site. There is a great group of people here who have been there done that.

 

[Fran]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>Hi and welcome. I used to think if I had a crystal ball and could see if difficult child was ok at 25, that I wouldn't worry and struggle so much. Unfortunately there is no crystal ball.

I don't know if it gets better but it definitely gets different. The issues you deal with now will be manifested in other ways as difficult child masters the areas which are weak at present.

I can't really say if it is easier but I know I wanted to be able to look back and feel assured that I turned over every stone to find a way to help my son. We can't control the outcome of our children but we can control what we do as parents. Hopefully they will both be enough.

Take a breath. Don't get boggled by the language. Look at your child and see where he is struggling. Research ways to help those issues. Labels change over the course of a lifetime and the criteria for professionals to label will change. Focus on learning about your child and what you can do for him.

You aren't alone. We all had 6yr olds that scared the pants off of us. We survived with some scars and some improvements. I have very little guilt but my son struggles even today. </span>

 

[Sue C]

Hi Help Us Cope,

Welcome to our little world! I think the quote on Suz's signature says it best in regard to raising our kids:

"We did the best we could with what we knew...And when we knew more, we did better!" ~ Maya Angelou

Learn what you can, try to apply it, don't beat yourself up when/if it doesn't work. To be perfectly honest, some of our kids get better and some don't. My older difficult child is quite the success story. So far Melissa is another thing, but I remain hopeful.

Hugs,
Sue

 

[Mikey]

Hi Help Us Cope. I'm new too, and have found the people here very supportive, understanding, and wonderful.

The only thing I would say is don't accept everything you're told the first time by your docs. There are so many different diagnosis's that look like each other, mask each other, or otherwise affect each other that the first year can seem like malpractice lawyer's dream of misdiagnosis.

Truth is that it will take time - maybe quite a bit of time - to really work out what's going on. You may end up finding that the initial diagnosis was not quite right, or that the initial treatment doesn't work quite right. It's a process, and one that can be emotionally draining.

We've dealt with ADD for over 4 years with my son, and it's taken 4 years to get the right treatement, the right therapist, and the right medicine for him. The key is to not give up, don't be afraid to ask questions, don't be afraid to change docs or treatments if it isn't working for your child, and listen to the mommy and daddy voices God blessed most parents with.

But more than anyting else, don't give up.

Welcome to our little community. I hope you find the peace and comfort in this community that I am coming to discover.

Mikey