On Nancy's post---this isn't exactly about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but shows how confusing adoption is to kids and how we have to go out of our way to be understanding. The Family Tree bit that my kids have to do each year drives me nuts. We tell the kids to use our family tree, AND whatever they know about their biological family. When my kids ask their nationality, we tell them "Julie, you are Korean and we're all a little Korean too because you're a part of us and we love you. Niciole, you are African, Irish and Italian and we all...etc. etc. etc. I am amazed at how well my particular kids accept their racial differences. I dont' think anyone should adopt interracially if they don't have friends of other races that they see routinely. I read a sad story on an adoption site by a biracial teen who said her family was very loving, but she felt like the outcast because she was the only nonwhite person in it. She wished her parents had adopted another biracial or black child so she'd have somebody in the family who understand first hand racial prejudice. She also said she found it very odd that she lived in an all white neighborhood and that her parents had only white friends. I did tons of reading on almost anything adoption before we got our first child. It took us two and a half years to bring him home, so we had tons of time. I read everything I could and this child's post affected me forever. Thus we adopted two asian kids and two kids who are black. Also, there was nothing I didn't read on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)..."High Risk", the Keck book, internet sites, etc., so that we were aware just in case. I still think it's overused in adoptive kids...lol. Attachment issues are routine for older adopted kids, but not necessarily that serious (again, like my son who was adopted at six). At any rate, I've really enjoyed my kids and can't imagine only having my one biological son. He was my second most challenging child, next to my 20 year old, so, even though he was very wanted and living with his bio. parents, he gave me similar grief as a teen that my daughter did. I think intelligence, Executive Function (if it's good, all kids have an edge), biology etc., prenatal care etc. all mix in with what makes our kids....who they are. I don't buy the "they attach in the womb theory." It's just a theory and the kids I adopted very young are the most attached at all. We had one child we saw being born and she's always been our little cuddle bunny and her teacher talks about how much she loves us all and likes to write stories about her wonderful family. My 20 year old smiled at me the minute I got her from the airplane---she was 5 months and very spoiled, but cuddly and loving. My 6 year old was rather detached, although NEVER a behavior problem. Lucas, the two year old who is now 11 and autistic, always semeed very happy with us and seemed to attach quickly (told ya we had that stupid bonding assessment). Guess we lucked out until Mr. 11 came into our house and terrorized us. Now THAT is full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) at it's very worse (shudder). I would never adopt an older child again due to our expeirnece with him. The County Worker said he was the most troubled child he had worked with in 15 years with CPS! Without a doubt, adoptive kids have unique issues, but many, if not most, grow up well-adjusted and do fine. They just aren't on message boards because ya don't post if you're doing well /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif )
