Adult Borderline (BPD) and bipolar daughter pregnant?!!

[Alejandra]

Hi everybody! Haven’t posted in a long time , after all the chaos with our daughter ,she got help and doing “well” for almost 3 years ...working a full time job, taking her medications, going to her doctors, living in her own place and now... she thinks she is pregnant !! Seriously?? I don’t even know what to said ...
I know she is an adult and make her own decisions but , how do I even respond to this news? She has bipolar and Borderline (BPD) on Top of depression and anxiety , how is she going to do this and of course no husband or boyfriend ...is always something !!! We have our boundaries and she knows that ...is such a stressful situation , how can she do this to herself? I really don’t get it! Sorry for venting but I need advice ...

 

[RN0441]

Welcome back.

Is she actually pregnant or does she just think so? I think before you react, you need to know that she is actually pregnant.

Does she know who the dad is, if in fact she is pregnant? In your signature it says she lives with her boyfriend.

I think it is wonderful that she has been on her own doing so well for so long. I am not sure what ramifications a pregnancy would have for someone with her illnesses, but I'm sure others will be along that have more knowledge in that area.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Alejandra and welcome back.

Gosh I applaud you and your daughter for how well you have been doing. I think RN gave you good advice to stay present. Really. You don't have any good information yet, and even if you did, how much control do you have, really? She will make her own decisions over which you may have some input if she asks you but ultimately the choices will be hers. I think now is the time to breathe deeply.

Now is the time to do more of what you have been doing so well. Boundaries!! You know what you can do. And you know what you should do. That is to keep very clear about your proper lane, (and hers) and enforce it. I think the more we are able to stay out of our adult children's business the more apt they are to pull on their strengths and to make good and responsible decisions. It seems clear to me that is what's been going on with you and your family. Your daughter has risen to the occasion, because you have allowed this.

Whatever reality there is (we don't yet know it) and whatever she decides, will be helped by practices you've already been successfully following, to let her live as she can and will, and staying focused upon your own well-being. That's what I think.

 

[Alejandra]

Hi Alejandra and welcome back.

Gosh I applaud you and your daughter for how well you have been doing. I think RN gave you good advice to stay present. Really. You don't have any good information yet, and even if you did, how much control do you have, really? She will make her own decisions over which you may have some input if she asks you but ultimately the choices will be hers. I think now is the time to breathe deeply.

Now is the time to do more of what you have been doing so well. Boundaries!! You know what you can do. And you know what you should do. That is to keep very clear about your proper lane, (and hers) and enforce it. I think the more we are able to stay out of our adult children's business the more apt they are to pull on their strengths and to make good and responsible decisions. It seems clear to me that is what's been going on with you and your family. Your daughter has risen to the occasion, because you have allowed this.

Whatever reality there is (we don't yet know it) and whatever she decides, will be helped by practices you've already been successfully following, to let her live as she can and will, and staying focused upon your own well-being. That's what I think.

Thank you for responding... Yeap you are right and I was repeating that to myself lol, I know better now.
She is not with that boyfriend she had and I am thankful for that, she was in a very abusive relationship, so is awesome that she did really decided to take care of herself leaving him , unfortunately it seems that she always choose abusive man as boyfriends ( well, that is what she said) because I honestly don’t know this new guy she has been dating for the past 6 months, he is the father and YES she confirmed yesterday her pregnancy, Ashe thinks about 6 weeks but on Friday will have an ultrasound and get all the details. Anyway...is just so hard because when’s our think everything is going well ...but hey it is what it is and I have learned to accept things and let go. The hardest part is just knowing that she may not have the support of a partner , she is alone

Welcome back.

Is she actually pregnant or does she just think so? I think before you react, you need to know that she is actually pregnant.

Does she know who the dad is, if in fact she is pregnant? In your signature it says she lives with her boyfriend.

I think it is wonderful that she has been on her own doing so well for so long. I am not sure what ramifications a pregnancy would have for someone with her illnesses, but I'm sure others will be along that have more knowledge in that area.

Yes, she said is confirm and she knows who is the dad but the guy don’t want her to have the baby. And that boyfriend was 3 years ago and she left him. Yes, I think is great that she has been doing so well but now this ...that’s exactly how it goes with her... doing well and then the drama begins ,she is alone and with her mental illness , I can’t even imagine!

 

[RN0441]

You just have to put your faith in the Lord. She is a grown woman and many women raise children on their own. Not ideal yes, and with her illness yes but you cannot change this.

It is what it is. Just be there to love her and take one day at a time.

Good luck.

 

[Blindsided]

Thank you for responding... Yeap you are right and I was repeating that to myself lol, I know better now.
She is not with that boyfriend she had and I am thankful for that, she was in a very abusive relationship, so is awesome that she did really decided to take care of herself leaving him , unfortunately it seems that she always choose abusive man as boyfriends ( well, that is what she said) because I honestly don’t know this new guy she has been dating for the past 6 months, he is the father and YES she confirmed yesterday her pregnancy, Ashe thinks about 6 weeks but on Friday will have an ultrasound and get all the details. Anyway...is just so hard because when’s our think everything is going well ...but hey it is what it is and I have learned to accept things and let go. The hardest part is just knowing that she may not have the support of a partner , she is alone

Yes, she said is confirm and she knows who is the dad but the guy don’t want her to have the baby. And that boyfriend was 3 years ago and she left him. Yes, I think is great that she has been doing so well but now this ...that’s exactly how it goes with her... doing well and then the drama begins ,she is alone and with her mental illness , I can’t even imagine!

My daughter is 41, pregnant for the first time. She has been treated for depression, but our problems have been much worse than that, because of her alcoholism. The second she found out she was pregnant, she quit drinking, smoking, and taking anything but prenatal vitamins. I still wait for the other shoe to fall and there are hints all is not completely okay, but I am better prepared. I told her I would always be here but only to support her during sobriety. I have reminded her of those boundaries. So far, everything is moving in a positive direction. I will be flying there for the birth of my first bio grandchild. She is to be induced on the 30th. I will be there for 2 weeks. I am very apprehensive because I have never met the baby daddy and I haven't seen my daughter in 4 years. I had given her over to God. This was never on my radar. I am so glad I learned to Let Go and gain that strength here in this group. I am choosing to enjoy every second I can. I will be thinking of you.