Adult son back in jail for the nth time

[detachingmother]

Back to normal.

Terrible day.

Son called, and I thought, oh what the heck, just answer it, as he has been seemingly doing so much better. Hasn't been placing demands on me, yada yada, maybe he just wants to say he is having a good day again, and maybe report something positive.

Nope.

Fire blasting off one demand after another. Call his PO, give girlfriend money so she can call him, call his dad and have him send food from the online commissary store....oh and my personal favorite: write the judge and ask if he can be put on outpatient and tether instead....also the last straw. He "scolded" me for giving my younger son money, because somehow he thinks I am not giving him any because I am giving to my younger son, and he thinks younger son should just go get a bridge card (not food he needed, it was gas--that one was just completely stupid)! I am now disgusted with his behavior again. Sometimes makes me understand how girlfriend hit him. He can be an absolutey selfish, bleep...I couldn't get a word in edge wise, warned him "I love him" but I am about to hang up, if he doesn't let me talk. He didn't listen.
I hung up. Back to closed up mode. Give an inch and he wants to take a mile.

This is physically taking a toll. When I went to get my physical, there are now problems with my heart rate. Won't go under 111 even in most relaxed state.

Chest has been hurting. I just do not feel well enough to even deal with him.

I am sure it's partially anxiety...lots of changes in my own life, and even some good changes cause "stress", but I just can't.....

Don't want to go to the doctor. I just started two new jobs--do not want to risk that...one thing I really want is to work all the time. Hoping it passes, even though I know it's been a month or so in this state.

I do not like him at all today.

I know him being forced by the court to go to rehab probably isn't going to be the answer. I doubt highly this is his "rock bottom", but more like just a forced "break".

He simply doesn't get it. I am done now. I am leaning closer and closer to walking away from it all. If it weren't for this baby on the way, I wouldn't even be trying, but I just don't know now. I feel like this baby is holding me hostage and I know it's not right, nothing to do with her I know, but that's how I feel. He has always held me emotionally hostage, in one way or another. Resentment is the real feeling that I feel.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I know him being forced by the court to go to rehab probably isn't going to be the answer. I doubt highly this is his "rock bottom", but more like just a forced "break".

Even a "forced break" is more time away from the nastiest stuff, for the most part. It provides him with opportunity - not with a guaranteed outcome. The outcome is up to HIM. And, frankly, relapse is part of recovery so either way it may not be bottom yet.

He simply doesn't get it.

I read your description of him again. Did some of the other issues show up before drug abuse began? If not, then drug abuse may be driving all of it, but I doubt it. More likely, he has mental health issues and is not medications (or treatment in general) compliant, and "self-medicates" with street drugs. The tough part is... if they would just be medications compliant, then there is hope for the rest of the picture. But unmedicated, bi-polar or schizophrenia is a major problem, and he is dealing with both.