Advice please

[Mamacat]

My daughter cut off contact with me four months ago because i said no to signing for an apt. Then I told her how I have felt for the last nine years as I gave over and over to "help" her. I have asked twice to speak to my granddaughters. No response I've sent gifts for granddaughters for birthday and Christmas. No response. I'll send a box for granddaughters for Valentine's day. The only response I've had for four months is when I sent a text on her birthday. She responded "thank you, mom". My question is should I ask again to speak to my granddaughters? I'd love to speak tothem, but I don't want toget involved in her stuff again. I'm enjoying the peace. Also there's a part of me that feels like I'm begging. I've spent so many years trying to please her. I don't iike that feeling of again cowering to her. I'd love to hear y'all's opinions.

 

[BusynMember]

Send Valentine's to the grandchildren. That's all I'd do. The chances of to being able to see them on a regular basis until they are older are probably not good unless you kiss mothers feet. And even then there are no guarantees. These types of people don't change, especially by her age. But maybe you can sneak in a visit before she is cruel again...

Have you ever visited the estranged parents (the site?). They are all going through exactly what you are. And very wise survivors there helping the new members. Very worthy of visiting.I have been there when Goneboy said "Adios!" It helped A LOT.

Estranged Stories

There is a site for all, a group for those estranged from sons, from daughters, and Christian estrangees plus one group for Grandmothers. It's all about what you are going through and it is all very much like your story. You may want to try it there as well as staying here. But over there they are all going through the same thing...

Hope this helps!

 

[Mamacat]

Swot, thank you. That's what I was also thinking. I'll send some valentine goodies for granddaughters. Right now they are living in another state (I think). I have visited the estranged parents website.

 

[Tanya M]

I agree with @SomewhereOutThere

I would send the Valentine's and not push it.

I wonder if your daughter "wants" you to beg to see the kids as a way to punish you. Just a thought.

One thing I have learned from dealing with my son is no matter how much something bothers you never let them see it because it will be used against you.

((HUGS))

 

[BusynMember]

Oh, how cruel and true. Thde more these types of adult children think they can hirt us, the more they do. Never beg. Never grovrl. That seems to empower them.

 

[Joanieb]

I seem to be in a similar situation. This is the first time I have decided to cut off my daughter (after she said she was cutting me off first mind you). I decided this time I'm not going to buy into it and I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. I normallly have my 2 grandsons in my life once or twice a week so this is very hard for me with regards to the grandsons. I don't miss her or her dramas, lies, manipulating behaviour, histrionics and my wallet is getting fatter every day I don't see her. I do miss my grandsons horribly but I always said that I'm not going to let her use them to manipulate me and I'm sticking it my word. Thi said has been my decision and you need to make your own mind up how you deal with it but I'm really hearing you and empathetic. My grandsons birthday is the day before Valentines and I'm still thinking about that. I already paid for the decorations but I know I won't get an invite. She did that for my other grandsons birthday too. Drops them off for me to babysit all th etime but doesn't let me go to their birthday parties.

 

[Mamacat]

I seem to be in a similar situation. This is the first time I have decided to cut off my daughter (after she said she was cutting me off first mind you). I decided this time I'm not going to buy into it and I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. I normallly have my 2 grandsons in my life once or twice a week so this is very hard for me with regards to the grandsons. I don't miss her or her dramas, lies, manipulating behaviour, histrionics and my wallet is getting fatter every day I don't see her. I do miss my grandsons horribly but I always said that I'm not going to let her use them to manipulate me and I'm sticking it my word. Thi said has been my decision and you need to make your own mind up how you deal with it but I'm really hearing you and empathetic. My grandsons birthday is the day before Valentines and I'm still thinking about that. I already paid for the decorations but I know I won't get an invite. She did that for my other grandsons birthday too. Drops them off for me to babysit all th etime but doesn't let me go to their birthday parties.[/QUOTE



Our situations are very similar. My grandaughters moved to another state beginning of September. I haven't been aloud to speak to them since Oct.1. I miss them, but I don't miss all the stress surrounding my daughter. I always felt the day would come when I wouldn't be allowed to speak to them or see them. I'm not caving in. My life is much better now. She always said she wouldn't keep me from my granddaughters, which obviously was a lie.