hopeandjoy66
Member
For days now I have been throwing this around. Last week, I realized that I could be taking advantage of someone Else's enabling. My husband and I have stopped our enabling of my 31 year old step son. Our opinion is he should be doing anything that grown man should do.
(Just a quick recap about him difficult child. He is bipolar, lives alone in a run down place and right now sits all day long fairly down in the dumps... TV and video games.. No motivation to do anything. He doesn't have a job but collects disability from the government. When he is in this frame of mind, he doesn't get into trouble but does nothing for himself. However, if he decides to try a little pot or starts to go manic because he stops taking his medications, all hell brakes loose very quickly.)
He is where my predicament is...
difficult child's mom/ ex wife of my hubby, is a first class enabler. She comes to difficult child's house to empty the mailbox and takes him to the bank to pay his bills as he doesn't even make an attempt at doing this for himself. She picks him up on friday to spend the weekend with her. She does his laundry makes meals for most of the week for him to heat up. She pays for everything. She does everything you really could imagine a good "sacrificing" mom would do for her son. (I say with a chuckle)
Anyhow, it some how hit me last week that I sit here smugly with my" I am not an enabler" sign on my forehead but deep down difficult child's mother is keeping everything under control. I am relying on her to keep things running smoothly for difficult child. I do believe that if she didn't do the things she does, then everything would be in a constant state of chaos. He would have no power as bills wouldn't be paid ect... ect.... He just doesn't care and before you know it he would be homeless. So Ex does all the work and we have no cares.
Do you see why I am asking about hitching a free ride. Life is good this way for me and husband. No Chaos. Smooth as silk, but in reality as soon as difficult child goes off the rails that is when the true test of whether we are enablers or not, shines through.
Maybe I just think about things to much.
Hmmm
(Just a quick recap about him difficult child. He is bipolar, lives alone in a run down place and right now sits all day long fairly down in the dumps... TV and video games.. No motivation to do anything. He doesn't have a job but collects disability from the government. When he is in this frame of mind, he doesn't get into trouble but does nothing for himself. However, if he decides to try a little pot or starts to go manic because he stops taking his medications, all hell brakes loose very quickly.)
He is where my predicament is...
difficult child's mom/ ex wife of my hubby, is a first class enabler. She comes to difficult child's house to empty the mailbox and takes him to the bank to pay his bills as he doesn't even make an attempt at doing this for himself. She picks him up on friday to spend the weekend with her. She does his laundry makes meals for most of the week for him to heat up. She pays for everything. She does everything you really could imagine a good "sacrificing" mom would do for her son. (I say with a chuckle)
Anyhow, it some how hit me last week that I sit here smugly with my" I am not an enabler" sign on my forehead but deep down difficult child's mother is keeping everything under control. I am relying on her to keep things running smoothly for difficult child. I do believe that if she didn't do the things she does, then everything would be in a constant state of chaos. He would have no power as bills wouldn't be paid ect... ect.... He just doesn't care and before you know it he would be homeless. So Ex does all the work and we have no cares.
Do you see why I am asking about hitching a free ride. Life is good this way for me and husband. No Chaos. Smooth as silk, but in reality as soon as difficult child goes off the rails that is when the true test of whether we are enablers or not, shines through.
Maybe I just think about things to much.
Hmmm