Andre is missing

[AprilH]

I also forgot to ask you, has he been in trouble for drugs since he has been in the Army that you know of? If not, and you get to talk to him, PLEASE let him know that the Army has programs in place to help troubled Soldiers like him. The Army ASAP program (Army Substance Abuse Program) is one of them...if he is having trouble with drugs like you say he is, the ASAP program would do a world of wonders for him, but remember, he has to WANT help...that is what I am seeing with my son, and the poor kid is only going to be eleven soon. Bless all their hearts, sometimes, they have NO CLUE what is best for them! Still sending hugs and prayers your way, and for Andre...

PS-They will also send all his personal items that he left behind to you through the mail once he is listed as 'DFR'.

 

[Coookie]

Oh my goodness. Many hugs for your worried and hurting heart. been there done that and it is a living hell. I didn't read all the responses but Janet is very wise in these issues (she helped husband and I greatly when our difficult child got stuck on stupid and went UA). Things would have been fine for him, dropped in rank, restrictions...but...he tested positive for pot and got a Less than Honorable discharge.

The local police would not get involved because he was Military and at that time 18. He was 17 in bootcamp.

I remember the worry like it was yesterday and the only thing I can tell you is that you have word that he is ok. Did his CO say if he was alone or not? It took some time but husband and I found out that our difficult child took off with 2 other guys, were planning on returning before the 30 days but what they didn't realize was that they would have the drugs in their systems... typical difficult child thinking. It is an action that our difficult child regrets to this day.

I was worried sick, husband got angry. You need to take care of yourself. Your difficult child made a choice, as ours did, one that he will have to live with.

I'm so sorry hon.

Sending many more hugs.

 

[susiestar]

Sweetie, you can't keep him safe. NONE of us can keep our kids safe.

Andre has had a drug problem for a long time. I am very surprised the Army did not force some treatment on him before this.

He will do what he feels he needs to. I think you will probably have to step back and let him bottom out. He really has to hit bottom and then WANT to get better before anyone, or anything can help him.

I know this is so rough on your tender and loving mommy heart. Are you taking care of yourself? I know the fibro can flare when things get bad.

Sending hugs,

Susie

 

[ChefPaula1965]

Good morning all!!
You are all so wonderful. I still have not heard anything since the last time I posted. I wish I had some way of telling him about the Army ASAP program.. About the 30 days limit.. (he went AWOL 02/16) it has almost been 30 days.. Andre has always done what Andre wants to do.. The Army is not telling me anything.. They won't even tell me if he left with anyone else..
My mommy heart bleeds for him.. Just when I thought he was finally up on the wagon.. He was doing SO very well!! when he took the "entrance exam" he blew it out of the water, one of the best scores in 5 years.. How can someone so brilliant make such awful mistakes?? ..
The local police will not help because , of course, he is an "emancipated adult" since he went into the Army and is missing on his own will.. AGHHH why don't even the police understand GFGism??
PS I just got an email showing that I will be back under the ChefPaula1965 name again and that they will combine all my posts..
Warrior Moms (and Dads)have a great day... BRB

 

[DammitJanet]

Sorry you still havent heard from him but Im not too surprised either. I cant tell you how many guys (and girls too) end up doing this sort of thing. My son was a MP for the Marines and one of his last jobs in the Corps was supervising in the Brig. He saw so much of this sort of thing.

 

[witzend]

There are many young men going AWOL from the service at this time. It would be good if they had some sort of amnesty type program that they could contact anonymously for advice.

Fingers crossed for him and you.

 

[FTN]

Deserting is not the end of the world. I knew several guys who deserted (120 plus days in one case) and were retained. They did their 45 days restriction, 45 days extra duty, half month's pay times two, and reduction to the next inferior paygrade and still lasted their four or six years. But if he has drugs in his system when he returns, he'll spend some time in the brig, maybe a month so long as he is compliant, then will be processed out with an other than honorable (OTH) or dishonorable discharge (daughter).

But this isn't always the case. I knew a guy that claimed to the CO that he didn't know that eating cocaine was doing it. The SOB walked away scott free.

Amnesty for deserters? The USS Abraham Lincoln was in Australia about six years ago. A few of the sailors found out the bartender deserted twenty plus years before. So they pulled the SOFA card and had Aussie police escort the Lincoln's MAA force (Master-at-arms, navy police basically) to the bar to arrest the guy.

 

[Christy]

I don't know much about the military but I wanted to let you know that you and you son are in my thoughts. I hope you get some information soon and things work out in the best possible way.
Take care,
Christy

 

[ChefPaula1965]

Hi again everyone!!
I have been gone for 3 weeks due to surgery..
No work, no computer.. you know how that goes??
Andre is still missing... the police found him in Florida and arrested him for driving his bicycle drunk.. he got 2 misdimeanors and 2 fellonies (something about posession)...
when the Sherif's dept released him--- not to the Army, mind you-- to my sister, she thought she was putting him on a bus to go back to the base..
My sister, not being used to GFGness... just took him to the bus stop (as if he were a "good little boy") and dropped him off....
Of course Andre did NOT go back to base.. we are back almost to square 1... no one has any idea where he is.... and the scary thing is that he will be 18 on May 4th!!!! if he gets caught again after that......... well, he will be tried as an adult.. Right??
Is there a chance, that even with drugs in his system, he can ask for "amnsety" and ask to go through the drug program (ASAP right?) ... I have found out that his 1st sargent had not reported him missing to the rest of the Army (my sister had called the local base to see if she could take Andre there) and they said (03/21/08) that they had no reports of him going AWOL... is this good news..
Thanks so much to all of you for your support...... The surgery was prety much unexpected and came quicker that anticipated ........ all the information from those of you with military experience or expertise is really helping me know which way to try to go..
Andre did call me from his cell on Saturday... he was very vague about everything.. just wanted to let me know his cell was being turned off because he could not afford it any more.. I guess him calling me is a step in the good direction,.
Hugs to all
Paula

 

[Star*]

Cp,

Hi and hugs. Sorry about the surgery - hope you are feeling better. Not to make you feel worse - but most kids at 17 in this country are tried as adults. Especially if his felonies are serious charges.

And I never say never about the courts and stuff because there might BE a program that they will put him in to help him sober up. IT's all just so sad and sadly there are not many police offices that take CIT. (Crisis intervention training) There are some police that do understand about mental health issues. I guess if he calls back - I would ask him to go to your sister and get a phone card or a trac phone so you can at least keep track of him. I know not knowing is hard.

Hugs for your pain....prayers for your boy.

Hugs
Star

 

[dreamer]

I believe it highly possible he will be tried as an adult even if it is before May 4. Becuz I believe he is considered an adult by being in military?
Does not sound like it would have mattered if someone HAD been able to stay with him and gotten him ON the bus- once it arrived where it was headed, he might have just slipped away from there, anyway? I am wondering if him not showing up is maybe just a slowness of paperwork coming forward, but I am afraid it WILL catch up to him, and as much time as now has passed? Sounds like he has gotten himself in deep doo doo. Plus, I am not sure but I think the military heavily frowns upon service members being arrested at all, for anything.
I am sorry you are haveing to deal with htis......hope your surgery recovery is going well, otherwise.

 

[ChefPaula1965]

Thank you Star.. and dreamer...
Since Feb 14th when Andre went missing I have only heard from him 2 times....
I have called his cell phone daily.... to let him know that I love him...
and hope he answers...
so him not having a phone won't make a HUGE difference in the number of times we get to talk??? sadly enough!!
Thanks PaulaI am also very affraid of the consequences of his behavior.. he is used to his grandmother "resucing" him from any and all of the consequences up to now... He acts like a "caged animal" when being made to toe the line.... he is in BIG DOO DOO!!

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Paula,

glad that you have checked in and updated us. Hope you are fully recovered from your surgery.

Sorry that Andre is still on the run and obviously making bad choices. It's clear that the military does consider your son an adult and will treat him as such should they get "their hands on him". As far as the courts go, I suppose that will depend on the magistrate or judge.

Hope all is going well with your other two little ones.

Sharon

 

[ChefPaula1965]

My biggest issue with all of this is that the Army is acting like they don't want him.. and don't want to get him....
I have given them information such as cell number... I have told them about the arrest and where he was when he was arested... they seem to just not care!!!!
They will not put any effort into finding him... but neither will they even "nab" him when he is handed to them.... how can I get something done??

 

[meowbunny]

The military really doesn't want to do much with the problem kids. He might get prison time for going AWOL when they catch up to him, which could be 20 years later. Unless he committed a crime before he left, they really won't put much effort into finding him. The military has all the faith in the world that their men will ultimately be found and taken care of. Until then, their priority is with the servicepeople who are on active duty and actively training.

I am sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is when your child doesn't call and at least let you know they're alive and surviving. No parent should have to go through that. For now, take care of yourself as best you can. It sounds like Andre will contact you when he can. I know that's not much, but it is better than nothing.

Many hugs and much understanding. May Andre find his path home soon.

 

[Hound dog]

Praying hard that phone call was a good sign.

(((((hugs))))))

 

[Shari]

Paula...

First, hugs.

Second, all you can really do, beyond hiring a PI to find him (and I bet one would - rather quickly, too), is communicate to him positive options. Beyond that, the ball is in his court and the Army's court.

He's not "missing" because he's been in contact. He's just choosing to not tell people where he's at. And this close to 18 and already in the Army, he's already an adult.

I'm making an assumption that the Army has an online community much like the Marines. In the case of the Marines, if you know what company/platoon/etc he was in for basic, with some diligence on a computer, you should be able to contact other parents of other recruits in the same company. I'm not sure how they'll take this sort of info, but you might at least get names of people he met in basic and/or others who may have gone awol as well. Its a place to start, the worst they can do is tell you nothing or not to ask.

But even if you find him, the Army won't come running to pick him up. You might be able to get local police involved and have him held, but I don't know how that works.

I'm sorry you're in this position. I wish I had some real answers to help you.

Hugs.