Annual Tears, Jeers, & Grumbles Mother Day Thread

[AnnieO]

This will be Year 5...

In 2006, Jett brought me a paper vase with paper flowers. I was touched. Then he told me he had to take it to BM because it was really for her. (He forgot it, but it ruined my pleasure...)
In 2007, he brought me a bunch of tissue-paper flowers in a terra cotta pot. I was a little tentative on this one. Yup, sure enough. Gave him lots of hugs anyway.
2008, his sped teacher had him create TWO things - one specifically directed at a Step-Mom. I was happier about this one! The one he made for BM vanished that afternoon before he went to her house. Pretty sure Onyxx made it disappear, but husband got a bunch of nasty messages from BM about me taking it. Whatever.
2009... Jett got with MY mom to get the money to buy roses from school for me. OK, at least he did this. Asked her what to do about BM. She very seriously, gently let him know that he would have to work that out with US or BM's boyfriend. So the Friday before comes, I get roses, and then he announces to me that I have to share them with BM. (I knew this was coming... Mom spilled the beans... But to have to share them with that woman burned my rear.) I got three of them ready for her anyway because he didn't need the drama from our home, too. He left them again. Still. Of course, it WAS the first time I got a Mommy present from Onyxx... So... It was nice. Two weeks later is when she got violent on me for the first time (anyone rememember "Bobby the Bruise"???).

So this year? I'm finally establishing a speaking relationship (well, sort of - facebooking) with husband's oldest son... Onyxx is heading for disaster at a fast pace... Jett is beginning to try to push buttons and I'm ready to strangle him at any given moment. husband has really turned into a Dad... And we are looking at another child... I don't feel like anything's going on this Sunday. Honestly if I get to call my Grandma, maybe see my Mom and get some sleep I'll be happy. But I'm not holding my breath on the sleep. I did tell husband - I want an actual heating pad. That's all. But even that... Sigh.

Mother's Day should be optional.

 

[hearts and roses]

Actually, the best mother's day is the one I plan for myself =

Last year I wanted to go to church. On the way home, I stopped and bought everything I needed to make Lemon Mascarpone filled crepes with raspberry drizzle. I made everything, served it and ate it up. They had to clean up. The rest of the day I planted some flowers, did a few chores, read my book and they took me to dinner. It was pleasant, not over the top. Oh, and easy child wrote me a beautiful card, as she always does.

 

[SRL]

Actually, the best mother's day is the one I plan for myself =

Last year I wanted to go to church. On the way home, I stopped and bought everything I needed to make Lemon Mascarpone filled crepes with raspberry drizzle. I made everything, served it and ate it up. They had to clean up. The rest of the day I planted some flowers, did a few chores, read my book and they took me to dinner. It was pleasant, not over the top. Oh, and easy child wrote me a beautiful card, as she always does.

heartsandroses, I must warn you that you're sounding almost cheery about this thread. You're in serious danger of being evicted to the "Sigh...Isn't Mother's Day Just Wonderful" thread. Can't you dish up something grumpier than this?

 

[candiecotton]

we dont do anything for mothers day either . all i want to do is sleep the day away ( i wirk till 4:30 am sunday mirning& i get to sleep about 5:30-6 am ) i dont ant breakfast in bed , i dont want $5 cards all i want is to sleep. but of course there will be no mention of mothers day only what did i get for the mother in law because she needs more stuff . ( she has 6 children 11 grandchildren) & anything we get her will be " isnt that lovley here put oit on the table" then of course it will be there till its broken so theres no point in getting her anything.
of course G will com out & hubby will ask me what am i cooking for dinner . ( i dont want to cook )

i think the nicest thing that anyone does for me is @ the bar i work in the DJ wil remind everyone to wish me happy mothers day ( im the only mom on staff) & then im being wished happy mommas day from 1/2 the gay community here ( they already call me momma ) & i will get a text from a friend in the US & ill text her too .
i had actually forgotten it was sunday now im going to have to do something for the mother in law sigh

 

[hearts and roses]

heartsandroses, I must warn you that you're sounding almost cheery about this thread. You're in serious danger of being evicted to the "Sigh...Isn't Mother's Day Just Wonderful" thread. Can't you dish up something grumpier than this?

I can't help myself! Mother's Day only hoovered when I was married to exh! His idea of a perfect Mother's Day was spending it sitting at his mother's house while our daughter's entertained her. No lunch, no dinner, no outings, just trapped inside while our girls whined about going home. One year, I sent him along to his moms, girls in tow, and stayed home to plant my annuals. The only other bad year was a few years ago while difficult child was in the full throws of difficult child-ness and completely ignored me all day. Other than that, I love Mother's Day!

The title did say "cheers", didn't it?

 

[jal]

My difficult child is still young (almost 8) so I get the cutesy things that are done at school and that is just fine. He also likes to make homemade cards for occasions which is cute. As a rule I like a little time to myself and then usually I enjoy visiting my Mom and Dad. Usually, my Mom makes a mean strawberry & rhubarb pie this time of year and has hermom (my grandmother up) and we enjoy that.

My B-day also falls before this day and I don't expect anything from husband (on mothers day), but he always comes through with a card or something small. I could have shot him on my b-day this year as he bought me a Pandora bracelet and 3 charms to start off with...so he better NOT buy anything for m-day.

My perfect time would be for difficult child to have a babysitter and husband and I to take the boat out on my parents lake. Sun, warmth and relaxation would be heaven! (Especially since we took difficult child out last weekend in the boat and he was a NIGHTMARE!) I called my mom tonight to chat and they were just talking about it again (her and dad). She thought for sure my ears were ringing because of their talk. I'm sure all the people who live on the lake saw my pi**ed off expression when I took difficult child off the boat and sent him to the car! UGH! He's not too fond of being on the boat (can't move around, as he is so active) so I think a lot of it he pulls to get off of it, because once he is home he is just fine. i wish he could just verbally tell me he doesn't want to go instead of acting out. It would make life so much easier!

 

[Fran]

SRL, good idea about buying ready made food.

 

[Shari]

Well, here's my jeer and sneer MD post...Wee's horse has a very large saddle sore! Which means my ride on Sunday may not happen!!!! Grrrrr.

Or maybe....I'll put him on easy child 2/difficult child's horse. There's a thought.

 

[timer lady]

I don't expect much this year....really haven't since my mom died. To me the celebration was about her.

The worst holiday in the world to many adopted kids is Mother's day ~ they are so conflicted on that day. husband recognized it & made sure the tweedles got me cards....this year I expect nothing. I have plans to get some flowers planted in my garden & my patio cleaned off.

 

[Marguerite]

I'm with hearts&roses. Mothers Day for me has become what I make of it. No expectations - if a kid has to be reminded it's Mothers Day, then any "Happy Mothers Day!" texted from them is meaningless. Although I suspect that is what happened last year - it was the first time EVER, that all the kids remembered to wish me a happy Mothers Day. OK, two of them texted it and that was all I heard form them. But hey, they remembered.

I learned to hate Mothers Day when the kids were in the local primary school (primary roughly = elementary). The school used Mothers Day (and also Fathers Day) as a fundraiser. We were supposed to send in a gift valued at about $5, pre-wrapped, about a week before. Then on the Thursday before, we had to send in money with our child. So first we had to buy a gift, then we had to send in more money so our kid could buy something form the pile of contributions. We pay twice, out of our own pocket, for something the child is supposed to think of himself.
I hated it in every way and tried to opt out.
I even sent notes telling them formally that I did not want my child to participate. difficult child 3 was fairly oblivious anyway, so the argument the school used on me ("We didn't want him to feel left out") was spurious. He really wouldn't have cared, he only knew about it because they hammered at him about it. I got a note home telling me that someone in the school office had generously loaned difficult child 3 the money to buy my Mothers Day present, and could I please pay her back at the first opportunity? I was cranky because I had warned them; but the person who had lent difficult child 3 the money was not the person I had told in my note and I felt it wrong to punish the innocent office lady for the SNAFU. I did make a loud enough noise though, to make it clear that if the school wanted a donation from me, I would give it. But I did NOT want my child being pushed into buying something for me because people always took advantage of his naivety and got him to buy the rubbish nobody else wanted (and that should not have been put on sale).

I really was cranky - this exploitation of my boys had begun with difficult child 1, he came home a few times with something atrocious and often forgot he'd even bought anything. I would find a crumpled card months later, turned to papier mache in his bag, with a crumbled bath bomb staining the lining.

The crud I got via this system - I got really, really cheap mass-produced bath bombs which I had already discovered in a store as being unfit for the purpose. They were available for $1 each (so much for the "$5 value, please" insistence by the organisers - they would often break up a gift purchased for $5 to wring every cent from the kids who really did not know any better) and stained the bathtub badly.
I think the absolute worst gift I got this way via difficult child 3 was about a dozen lipsticks, all marked "sample only - not for re-sale", some of which had been used, all of which were the same revolting orange-red and all of which smelt rancid because the oils used to make the lipsticks were rancid. They should never have been presented for sale to the kids (or to anyone).
I was really cranky, because difficult child 3 really had no clue and shouldn't have been exploited this way. I would hear from the other mothers what they got so I knew that most of the 'gifts' were not too bad; some person in officialdom was clearly taking advantage of difficult child 3's inability to discriminate, his honesty and openness and his vulnerability.
Trying to keep my kid out of it just wasn't possible apparently - the gifts were all wrapped in clear cellophane and lined up on tables in the school hall. Each class in turn was taken out of the classroom and walked to the hall with their teacher, so each child could select a gift and pay for it. ALL kids participated, there was no room for kids whose parents had forgotten or who had tried to exempt themselves. To try to duck out of this was considered disloyal to the school.

After the bath bomb I complained and sent in the note the following year. That was the year I got the lipsticks.

So I joined the P&C that was organising this (equivalent to PTA) and took them on with this issue. When they tried to organise it the following year, I made a very loud fuss and said that I did not appreciate my disabled child's repeated exploitation by the P&C in order to raise money, and if my child came home yet again with ANYTHING (especially crud) I would be taking my complaints further. of course they looked at me like I had two heads, but since I had more popular and effective alternatives to raise money which I had shared with them, they gave way on this and made the trek from the classroom optional - but only for difficult child 3.

I still get cranky when I think of the exploitation, year after year, with difficult child 3 being used as a means to sell off the overpriced unsellable rubbish disguised as a Mothers Day present. Honestly, I would have been happier with someone's plastic baggie of dog droppings. At least that would have been honest. And smelled better.

So for me, Mothers Day has never been about gifts. Never. What you're supposed to do as a kid on Mothers Day is appreciate your mother in practical ways. And my mother always said, "Every day should be Mothers Day." So for me, every day I was expected to get my mother a cup of tea if she asked me to. Breakfast in bed for my mother was difficult as she was generally up before anyone else. Getting my father's breakfast on Mothers Day took one chore away form my mother, so that was one task I could do.

In my case - again, I don't want breakfast in bed. I did get it a few times though. But then - there have been years when nobody noticed. Also birthdays when only husband seemed to notice.

So now - my expectations are zero. So anything I get, any recognition or acknowledgement, is a bonus.

This year, husband, mother in law & I are going to see "Calendar Girls" on stage in Sydney. We're not taking difficult child 3 with us, we figured naked old ladies on stage would probably put him off stage shows for life!

Marg

 

[SRL]

Other than that, I love Mother's Day!

The title did say "cheers", didn't it?

Cheers?! What do you mean Cheers?!

*%#@! That was supposed to say TEARS.

<grumble, grumble> I need to find some editing help before any more of you happy people turn up....

 

[DaisyFace]

So for me, Mothers Day has never been about gifts. Never. What you're supposed to do as a kid on Mothers Day is appreciate your mother in practical ways. And my mother always said, "Every day should be Mothers Day."

Marg

Yes, this is how it should be. Show Mom some love and respect. A gift, if any, is a bonus--not a substitute for good treatment.

 

[AnnieO]

I talked to MY mother last night. Made arrangements to "hang out" for a few hours. Not sure whether it will be her house or mine, but honestly I want away from the drama at home for a bit, and to do something nice for my Mommy. Even if it is just making her a sandwich and talking.

She did remind me to send my Grandma a card. Nope. Sending flowers. The woman just had a mastectomy last month... This year's going to be a bit more special. She's 88 and has 3 kids, 4 grand kids and 6 greats. So... THIS, I can do.

Besides, I haven't sent one yet, and OH to CO takes more than a day.

 

[tawnya]

I am of the argument that once you have children/difficult children of your own, that you no longer have to make the day "nice" for someone else. Like others here, I am expected to cook a big meal, blah , blah, blah blah. For some mother in law that doesn't even like me. I told husband that HE could cook, and it better be hamburgers and hot dogs on paper plates or I will get up and leave.

I would (and might) spend my afternoon sitting at my mom's grave (whom I just lost last June) talking to her and giving her flowers (which she always appreciated).

They can like it or lump it.

 

[ThreeShadows]

I think I hate Mother's Day because my mother constantly reminded me that I was such a disapointment to her.

 

[smallworld]

I am very sad as this Mother's Day approaches. My mother is dying of lung cancer. It is in her liver and bones, and we don't know how long she has left to live. What is so very disappointing to me is that she chased treatment after treatment in the hope of that elusive cure and never reached a point of acceptance. And now either the pain medication or the cancer is robbing her of lucidity before we had an opportunity to talk about all that we meant to each other. In many respects, she is already gone.

If it is in you this Mother's Day, hug your mother or your child and show her what she means to you.

 

[SRL]

I am very sad as this Mother's Day approaches. My mother is dying of lung cancer. It is in her liver and bones, and we don't know how long she has left to live. What is so very disappointing to me is that she chased treatment after treatment in the hope of that elusive cure and never reached a point of acceptance. And now either the pain medication or the cancer is robbing her of lucidity before we had an opportunity to talk about all that we meant to each other. .

My heart goes out to you, Smallworld. My brother's wife went through this withy her mom last fall, with uterine, lung and bone cancer. She only had brief periods of lucidity in her final days, but she came to a point of acceptance and it was truly a gift of peace to the family.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

[Marguerite]

Smallworld, I always feared this would happen with my parents too, towards their end. But what I found happened, especially with my father - there were barriers there when he WAS lucid, because to talk about the meaningful things when he was still very much alive was too confronting for him. He needed to make light of his condition because he was so determined to 'think positive".

There is always a last conversation. it's just not always the one we expect it to be. So we need to make each conversation good enough to be acceptable as a last conversation. Never forget to say the things we need to say, so we don't have regrets. And if you feel she's too doped out on medications to take anything on board - say it anyway. Somewhere in there, she will hear. Another thing you could do, which I had to do with my dad because it was the only way past the barrier - I put it in writing. I was told by my mother that it meant a great deal to him, for me to have written what I did. But he couldn't tell me himself. It was too close to home for him. I had to accept that and be glad I had managed to share as well as I did.

hugs. Enjoy what time you have with your mother while you have her.

Marg

 

[DaisyFace]

I think I hate Mother's Day because my mother constantly reminded me that I was such a disapointment to her.

I didn't realize we had the same mother! Don't you hate those conversations where she tells you everything that's wrong with you? Ugh!

 

[DaisyFace]

Smallworld--

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom...