We're here CH, we know how you feel. Take all the warmth offered here and wrap yourself up in it like an old coat..........keep yourself wrapped in it........
Another overdose, in ICU again
- Thread starter comatheart
- Start date
Childofmine
one day at a time
Comatheart...hang in there. Yes this is a worst moment. We are praying and hoping that he gets another chance. There is no way to know the future and every minute he has is a chance to do something different and new and better.
Warm hugs to you on this cold night. Miracles do happen. I am praying for a miracle here for him and for you.
Warm hugs to you on this cold night. Miracles do happen. I am praying for a miracle here for him and for you.
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Oh Comatheart, I so feel for you right now. I have had those periods of despair where I had no hope or only a small shred of hope because I didnt want to give up.... but at those times I would imagine my sons funeral and those thoughts at times were almost unbearable. And yet at least for me I think it was easier to try and face reality and as a way to prepare myself for that thing which I could not imagine how I would get through. I think people who have not had to face the realities we face as parents of addicts dont understand the utter hopelessness we can feel at times. And other people dont want to have to face the reality we face. And yet for me when people would tell me I had to have hope, it would kind of drive me nuts.... I felt like they didnt hear my pain, or didnt want to hear my pain... it made me feel unheard.
So I say all this to say I hear you, I hear your pain and your fear and the agony you are feeling right now.... and it makes me want to cry with you.
I feel hope when my son is taking positive steps.....but when he is not it is hard to be hopeful. At those times I just try to keep on going, keep on living, and find things in my life I can enjoy at least a little bit.
Keep sharing your pain here.... because this is a place you will find understanding and be heard.
TL
So I say all this to say I hear you, I hear your pain and your fear and the agony you are feeling right now.... and it makes me want to cry with you.
I feel hope when my son is taking positive steps.....but when he is not it is hard to be hopeful. At those times I just try to keep on going, keep on living, and find things in my life I can enjoy at least a little bit.
Keep sharing your pain here.... because this is a place you will find understanding and be heard.
TL
Breaks my heart for you. I don't take what you said lightly, I still remember the day I planned my difficult child's funeral. I had to come to terms with that and face that fear before I could go on. Once I faced and verbalized it I was calmer. I hope your son pulls through but I am also a realist and have seen so many young people not but I will continue praying for him and you. I am so so sorry that you are going through this.
When my difficult child was in her three month residential program, they were told that addiction is progressive and that there are ultimately three possible outcomes: institution, prison, or death. Only they can choose to stop the progression by actively choosing recovery and sobriety.
Unfortunately, I, too, have had to accept the fact that my difficult child's addiction will ultimately lead to her death if she doesn't choose recovery. So far, she never has truly wanted to get sober so her attempts at recovery have failed time and time again.
Sadly, we are even at the point where we wish she would get arrested and go to prison since at least she would be fed, clothed, and drug free. How sad is that?
The bottom line is that only the parents of someone with these issues can truly understand what you are going through. Please feel free to vent and express your true feelings to us. We understand and support you.
{{{Hugs}}}
~Kathy
Unfortunately, I, too, have had to accept the fact that my difficult child's addiction will ultimately lead to her death if she doesn't choose recovery. So far, she never has truly wanted to get sober so her attempts at recovery have failed time and time again.
Sadly, we are even at the point where we wish she would get arrested and go to prison since at least she would be fed, clothed, and drug free. How sad is that?
The bottom line is that only the parents of someone with these issues can truly understand what you are going through. Please feel free to vent and express your true feelings to us. We understand and support you.
{{{Hugs}}}
~Kathy
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PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Unfortunately, not even jail is drug free. My difficult child often told me that there are plenty of drugs in jail... 
stressedmama
Active Member
Comatheart, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. One foot in front of the other, breath. Take care of yourself.
Scent of Cedar *
Well-Known Member
That's the living horror of it.
We are their mothers. Everything is acknowledged and forgiven on some level we did not even know existed and preparations are made, somewhere in our psyches, to face what must be faced.
And then, there is reprieve.
And there is hope, that most rotten little miracle.
There was a discussion here on the site once, about whether it was harder to lose a child and go on than it was to lose and lose and lose a child, the way we do, here. A mother whose child had died posted in. She said those same old words we've all heard a million times, about where there is life, there is hope and when life is gone, there is...nothing.
But I thought of her each time my own child was endangered, or in Intensive Care, or discovered lying in a snowbank somewhere.
Cedar
lovemysons
Well-Known Member
coma,
You are right...No mother should have these thoughts about their 19 yr old. The pain and horror of it all is too much at times...and I am SO sorry you are going through this with your son.
I too have had these "funeral thoughts" regarding my own difficult child. It's hard not to when just a couple of months ago Dr.s called my daughter in law to tell her that difficult child had a "needle that broke in his arm and tested positive for Meth". Or the suicide threats, etc. So hard to remain hopeful at times.
I also try to remember that miracles DO happen. I wish we could walk the walk for them...that it didn't have to be so scary or near death to wake them up! But they have to learn for themselves...be convinced in their own minds...and we are forced to trust that it "takes what it takes". I agree with others that as long as there is breathe there is life...and there is hope.
Just know you remain in our thoughts and prayers coma...both you and son. I don't know why some of our difficult child's have to sink so low before they learn. I wish it didn't have to be this way.
with love,
LMS
ps...Does your son have any AA friends that you might be able to call to come visit him while he is in the hospital?
You are right...No mother should have these thoughts about their 19 yr old. The pain and horror of it all is too much at times...and I am SO sorry you are going through this with your son.
I too have had these "funeral thoughts" regarding my own difficult child. It's hard not to when just a couple of months ago Dr.s called my daughter in law to tell her that difficult child had a "needle that broke in his arm and tested positive for Meth". Or the suicide threats, etc. So hard to remain hopeful at times.
I also try to remember that miracles DO happen. I wish we could walk the walk for them...that it didn't have to be so scary or near death to wake them up! But they have to learn for themselves...be convinced in their own minds...and we are forced to trust that it "takes what it takes". I agree with others that as long as there is breathe there is life...and there is hope.
Just know you remain in our thoughts and prayers coma...both you and son. I don't know why some of our difficult child's have to sink so low before they learn. I wish it didn't have to be this way.
with love,
LMS
ps...Does your son have any AA friends that you might be able to call to come visit him while he is in the hospital?
comatheart
Active Member
Thank you all so much for your kind words. He is slowly improving. They have him walking around with a walker...he looks very disabled dragging his one leg around that still has no feeling. It makes me sad to see the physical damage he's done. Dialysis is improving his blood levels. His kidneys still aren't working on their own. difficult child still hasnt admitted there's a serious problem and he needs help. He wants to just go on like before only "not do what he was doing." Hmmm yeah, ok.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Comahead, is there ANY way, due to him being a danger to himself, to keep him in a treatment center for a long time after this. ANYTHING? He should not be be himself. He needs professional health care workers watching him until he is in his right mind again and realizes he IS a danger to himself, but our dang mental health system is such a joke...
S
Signorina
Guest
I have no words of wisdom - only gentle thoughts of friendship and know that I am thinking of and praying for you.
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
I am so glad he is improving.... I hope the hospital is talking to him about the risks he is taking and what could have happened. Also although it is clearly not enough I think the first step is to know that "he cant do what he was doing"..... of course he would just like to go on as before but hopefully he will see that he can't and that is directly related to his drug use!!
I hope others can help him see that. I dont think you can. If your difficult child is like mine he wont listen to you, and in fact he may just think you are saying that he needs to stop using because you are old fashioned and dont approve..... so he needs to somehow hear it from others who are addicts but are recovering.
Hopefully as he gets physically better the doctors will see that he needs serious substance abuse help because without it he is obviously a danger to himself.
Thinking of you.
TL
I hope others can help him see that. I dont think you can. If your difficult child is like mine he wont listen to you, and in fact he may just think you are saying that he needs to stop using because you are old fashioned and dont approve..... so he needs to somehow hear it from others who are addicts but are recovering.
Hopefully as he gets physically better the doctors will see that he needs serious substance abuse help because without it he is obviously a danger to himself.
Thinking of you.
TL
wakeupcall
Well-Known Member
The pain of watching them self-destruct is about more than a parent can bear. There IS hope, as long as they breathe. I keep reminding myself of that. I lost a son at 17 in an auto accident (no drugs or alcohol) and can't see him or talk to him face to face, but I can still do that with difficult child, so there HAS to be hope. I will say, my sons have caused horrific pain in my heart, though.
I'm so sorry for your hurting, scared heart. I will pray for all of you.
I'm so sorry for your hurting, scared heart. I will pray for all of you.
Saying a prayer for you CH. Hang in there.
