Anxiety in a big way

[Californiablonde]

Congrats to you. I could never trust both my difficult children alone together for more than fifteen minutes. They throw knives and forks at each other when they get upset. difficult child 2 has gotten seriously injured in such altercations in the past. I'm glad your two seem to be coping well. Enjoy your time away from the kids. I know that I count on my adult time at work away from the kids. I feel it is totally necessary for our sanity!

 

[TeDo]

difficult child 1 used to resort to that a LOT. He's gotten much better but when difficult child 2 is in one of his moods, he still occasionally pushes difficult child 1 to that point (given the size difference it's his "only defense"). THAT'S what I fear once winter hits since difficult child 2 has definitely moved into the TTs as well as his "issues" making him intolerant of difficult child 1's "issues". I'm counting my blessings so far but still really dread the dead of winter when they really can't go anywhere.

 

[InsaneCdn]

TeDo? You don't GET "winter". My two still go places, on foot, all winter long, and we get REAL winter. Unless it's -40 or a blizzard, which is about 3 weeks of the total winter. Even at -15C, they are out on dog walks, hiking to the store, etc.

 

[TeDo]

IC, leaving the house to run errands or take the dog for a walk are not what I'm talking about. Right now, difficult child 1 leaves the house to go play with friends outdoors until I make him come home for meals and bed. During the winter, there is not that option and there is nowhere for them to "hang out". They spend a LOT more time at home and I am worried about both of mine being home alone together when I am gone 5-7 hours at a time. If we have another mild, almost snowless winter like last year, there won't be a problem.

 

[timer lady]

Tedo, we could never, ever leave the tweedles alone together. Many board members may remember when husband & I had hooked up video cameras throughout our home to keep an eye on kt & wm when husband & I could not be in the same room with them. husband & I had monitors in our bedroom, the kitchen & on our desks.

Sorry...rambling again.

It's time for training ~ teaching your guys to stay out of the other's way during times of stress. We practiced this a lot with kt & wm, in therapy & at home. difficult child 1 & difficult child 2 each need their safe place. That place is off-limits to the other one. No questions asked when either of your difficult children go to their safe place.

The time to put this in action is now, especially when you are at home & can supervise this little "experiment in terror". Sorry

Both kt & wm knew their safe places. After a time & constant reminders it worked. Fortunately husband was here to help me enforce the boundaries. It fell apart once wm hit puberty & his sexualized behaviors became more & more prevalent.

This doesn't mean with time & effort this idea won't work for you & your difficult children.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Sorry - I caught the "play with friends" part... and missed the "outdoors for hours"... although, here, at what you call "zero", spending 2-3 hours at the outdoor rink is "normal"... but that still isn't the same as free-roaming play, at least at the rink they have a warm-up shack. And it isn't enough hours to make a difference.

 

[TeDo]

Yea, IC, there was a rink here when I was growing up but it's been gone for years. There is NOWHERE for our kids to go in the winter.