[font:Verdana<span style="color: #000099">]{{{MWM}}} I'm so sorry for you this loss and pain that you're feeling. There is nothing I can say to make that go away but I wanted to send you some hugs and support and to tell you that you are a WONDERFUL and a loving mom and please don't forget that. Scott's choices are his. Bless you.
I am happy that I had my girls. I'm forever grateful that God bestowed upon me two girls - I don't think I would have been a great mom if I had had sons, honestly. But I will never know now. I think I will enjoy having grandsons one day, however!
easy child - when she was born, we were instant buddies, very close. She was a momma's girls for sure. She was just easy and I could take her anywhere and she was always kind of quiet, shy and always attentive and listening. She still has the same serious little face she had as a toddler. I'm so very proud of her accomplishments and capabilities and she loves us - all of us: me, H, exh and she's loyal to her family. She enjoys spending time at home and with me, and considers me one of her best friends. She knows she can always come home and will ask for our help, but she's also very independent and capable of being on her own. I am often astounded by her.
difficult child - From the get go difficult child and I had difficulties bonding. Her pregnancy was awesome until the very end and she was supposed to be born at home with a midwife but was born in a hospital C-section. She was severely breach and after being turned, she promptly turned breach again - right before our eyes! When she was little, she was such an entertainer and made the funniest faces and easy child could have her giving big belly laughs and giggles for hours on end - she idolized her big sister. She still does and I wish she didn't because there is so much bad history between them that difficult child doesn't even realize has put a permanent hold on easy child allowing herself to get emotionally attached to difficult child - it's painful to witness. Anyway, difficult child has some amazing talents and while she's definitely been a handful and I have had moments where I just wish she'd go away, she alway brings me joy in suprising ways. There are times when I am filled with worry and despair over her future or actions and out of the blue, she will appear and say something so right or that makes such complete sense or do something so pleasantly unexpected that it blows me away. In my head I can imagine her running a small company or being a floor manager for some fantastic sales program or something. I know she has it in her but she either stops short of taking that brave extra step or doesn't feel worthy. I don't which. I don't regret a moment of having her in my life.
I used to think that difficult child would leave me and easy child would always be near me. But then I saw how independent easy child is and realized that difficult child has always 'needed' me and so the tables had turned a bit and I thought that easy child would be the one to leave me and difficult child would stick around for a longer time. But lately, I think they will both leave me - each for different reasons and while I can feel my heart break in two at the very thought, I also know that it's okay. They are supposed to leave us for a while</span>.
<span style="color: #000099">I didn't make my way back to my mom until after I was 30 years old. It took me a while to realize her place of importance in my life and now I'm forever grateful that I did force myself to re-establish our connection with one another.</span>[/font]
