At wits end and exhausted

[CrystalG]

Hi Crystal and welcome to our little corner of the world. As you can see we often have differing opinions, take what you can and don't worry about the rest.

Definitely I would start with having him evaluated by a multi-disciplinary team (a child therapist, a child psychiatrist, and a neuro-psychologist). These three together can give you a pretty good idea of what is going on with your child.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this right now. Sending some welcoming hugs your way.

I appreciate all the help just today. And I understand there will be difference in advice as everyone has different situations and don't have the same experiences. I'm just glad I know there are others dealing with this, although I'm sorry at the same time. We are working on getting him evaluated just not sure what is available here as we just moved here not long ago.

 

[Malika]

MWM: please don't patronise me. J frequently takes knives, buys, steals or acquires lighters and sets things alight, often hits other kids (though this is a very physical culture in which kids are hitting each other all the time) and was asked to leave this school recently because he is, allegedly, a "danger to other children". He can have frightening rages and screams the most horrible language at me, in particular, but can be other people on occasion. Many people from the outside would, and do, think he is unmanageable, a hooligan/criminal in the making. 7 or 11, it makes little difference. It is only because I know this child, I know his sweetness, his concern for others and his sensitivity that others do not see, that I resist suggestions that he is beyond hope. Even if I have my own moments of hopelessness...

In saying this, I am not thinking just about our situation. Everybody in these dynamics needs help and understanding - Crystal, her husband, their other children and the boy himself. Somebody needs to be fighting his corner and helping him deal with whatever suffering/malady is driving his anti-social behaviour. Crystal, you are in a frightening situation and you need to feel as though you are receiving real input, help and support from professionals. Ones you can trust, hopefully.

 

[Wiped Out]

Malika and Mwm,
I think at this point we need to agree to disagree instead of this becoming a battle on Crystal's new thread.

Crystal-it does help to know that you are not alone. I know finding this place was huge for me. I really thought I was going through this alone at the time.

 

[Malika]

Sure, Wiped Out. Forgive me, Crystal, this is actually really unusual! Compared to some other sites, there is almost no bickering/abusiveness here... please don't get the wrong impression and do keep coming to get the help/support if you feel the need.

 

[DammitJanet]

Hi Crystal...you say you are military...have you attempted to contact the Family Support...whatever it is called in your branch? They may be able to help you with some options.

 

[CrystalG]

I'm not sure if they can do much because they are not my dependents yet. It has actually been a thought tho

 

[BusynMember]

What about your husband? I thought he was military too? Any benefits for the kids?

 

[CrystalG]

He is no longer serving, prior military.

 

[BusynMember]

Ah, ok. Well, thank you for your service as well and I hope you can straighten out the problems.

Take care!!

 

[TerryJ2]

Welcome, Crystal.
Definitely, make an appointment to have him evaluated by a neuropsychologist. That means a full day of testing at least.
Don't make an appointment with-someone who is going to look at him for 5 seconds and come up with an opinion. Ask the receptionist what kind of testing is done. Usually you can start with psychoeducational testing because schools like that. The test results and dr note should get him a 504 plan. That will allow him to "Walk around" if he is feeling stressed.
I'm guessing he walks around because he's ADHD, even if you can't see the hyper part. He's got lots of stuff going on in his head and he can't focus.
He is lying and stealing because to him, it's easier just to give into impulse and take the flak later.
He may need to go on an ADHD medication. Don't worry--if it doesn't work, it is out of his system quickly.

What sorts of discipline do you use? Spanking won't help. He won't care. It has to be something he cares about. TV? Books? Toys? Computers? Phone? Those can be taken away after he misbehaves.
Also, I had my son write notes in cursive. It kept him occupied for awhile so I could rest and have a cup of tea. And now his HS teachers comment that he's one of the few who knows cursive.

I would take one behavior at a time instead of lumping them all together. For example, bending back his sister's fingers. Make a no-touch rule and a punishment to go with it. If he is social, ground him to his room. If he's not social, come up with something else, maybe TV time to take away.

Does he have any problems with speech? Hygiene? Sensory issues--sounds, fabrics, lights?

What really, really makes him mad? Keep a journal of times that he is set off and what mad it happen. You will probably see a pattern.