Autistic son has a date for homecoming!!!!!

[BusynMember]

Thanks to all!
Marg,
Trust me, I never forget he's Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). It's just that he was quite severe as a young one, so I'm awestruck that he has come so far. I don't believe Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) can be cured. I see a lot of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in him.

As for social skills, he does know that they should stay together--he won't wander off. And this girl is very outgoing. She will MAKE him dance with her...lol...even if they just sort of slide across the floor.
Lucas is such good friends with this girl--he doesn't see this as a romance--but I can see it turning into one--the best kind, the one where you knew each other all your life. Because she is socially adept, she is good for him, and he does much better in school and is protective of her and helps her (the teachers said she depended on him A LOT in classes). They were in Special Education classes together--she is a little delayed in academics, but she appears "normal." They grew up being in all classes together. This is the first year they are separated as son was upgraded to simply Learning Disability (LD) and she is still in the CD class (cognitive delays). But they have lunch together. He has a group of friends that eat together.
I know I'm rambling, but I'm so excited. This particular child is a neverending source of joy because he has so many challenges and handles them so well. It's hard to remember he was that little boy who smashed his head into the wall, over and over again, because he had to transition from one activity to another.
Anyway, I hope this encourages other parents. I thought it was impossible, but nothing is impossible.

 

[Marguerite]

Fingers crossed for you.

I do agree - he has made amazing progress, just in the time I've been on this site. A really big change happened when his diagnosis was sorted out. You have done an amazing job with him; he is also doing amazing things himself. Having friends like this girl is a wonderful thing for the self-esteem of a young boy on the spectrum.

He has learnt some really good coping skills; from what I've observed with my boys, they make progress bit by bit until it gets to a point where they have learned how much they can do, then it snowballs. It can go badly the other way too - but when they have had a period when they have made good progress, that stays with them and strengthens them.

Do let us know how he gets on at the homecoming.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

Thanks, Marg.
He did do an ASDism yesterday. When I told him the boy's ties had to match the girl's dresses (as it is the custom here) and I told him to ask T. what color her dress is, he said, "That's why I don't want to go. It's too complicated." And I realized he was getting overwhelmed. His sister came to the rescue and called T., asking her the color of her dress...lol. He isn't going to the parade or the game, just the dance. T. has seven younger siblings (I think it's seven...lol) and she has to watch them a lot because her parents are divorced and mom works nights as a nurse. So she is kind of like a little mom with a lot of responsibility. This will be good for both of them. I'm so happy T. is his friend as she is very good at getting him to do things he normally wouldn't do. And I do think they like each other...lol
These kids can really progress. I don't ever forget he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but I also see that he can learn to do things. I remember when an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis was a death sentence.

 

[Christy]

Wow. That is great to hear. I can't wait to see how it goes.

 

[susiestar]

Glad your daughter came to his rescue! I reallly see similarities between your Lucas and my Wiz with where they are now. I think that cream colored flowers in the corsage would be OK, unless sister could ask what color/kind of flowers T wants.

It is so dang COOL to read all the ways things are going so well for you and yours!

 

[amazeofgrace]

woo hoo that's awesome news, how sweet, you'll have to post pics on the cooler!

 

[Marguerite]

MWM, you said, "These kids can really progress. I don't ever forget he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but I also see that he can learn to do things. I remember when an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis was a death sentence."

I know you know this. I guess I was emphasising this point for two reasons:

1) I also remember when autism was seen as a heartbreaking condition where the parents were advised to put the child away and forget he ever existed because the child would never be able to connect. I have learnt with my own kids that this is so very wrong, it has been (for me) a stimulating, exciting time as I see how much they can do.

2) Living with these kids, I have become extremely nitpicky myself in how I express myself. So I was nitpicky with how you expressed it also - habit!

For example, when difficult child 3 was learning to talk, and even with difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2, I had to learn to not say "right" unless I meant the direction (as in "not left"). Instead when correcting someone, I would have to say, "Correct".
I had to stop myself from every possible ambiguity. Very tiring. Challenging.

You described this girl as having a number of younger siblings that she babysits - she sounds like a loving, nurturing soul who has taken difficult child under her wing. Something else to consider - she may be brighter than average, also valuing his innate honesty and loyalty (which are part of the spectrum, once things begin to work positively for them). While your difficult child is a challenge at times, she clearly sees the rewards in her friendship with him. For ANYONE else to see this in our children, is wonderful. We worry as parents what will happen when they have to throw themselves on the mercy of the world at large - WE love our children because they are ours. But other people have no such connection. So when someone who doesn't have to, loves our child and wants to be near him, it makes us feel much more hopeful for their future.

With him getting anxious and feeling overwhelmed over all the things he needs to do - that is likely to keep happening for many years yet. But each time he does something like this and it comes off well, is one more good success that will strengthen him and that he can fall back on ("I have already done this").

Something your daughter could do is find out if this girl is having her dress made. Get a swatch or even a large enough piece of fabric, and make difficult child a tie. All you need to do for this is unpick an old tie that is the right size and shape, then use it as pattern pieces to cut out a tie from the dress fabric. It's quick and easy. Don't forget some taffeta for lining fabric - same pattern pieces.

Or you could make him a bow tie - again, patterns are available. A hand-tied bow tie is also supposed to be slightly wonky, it's a way of saying, "I am wearing a GENUINE bow tie, not a clip-on." I don't know if an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) could handle that!

Marg

 

[KTMom91]

This is way cool! I hope they have a wonderful time, and he doesn't stress himself too much before the dance!