Blanket Statements and Remaining Objective...

[busywend]

Let us never forget we are talking about a world wide accessed site. For all you know I am a mad woman that is bent on ruining as many kids lives as possible. That is right. I was harmed as a child and it is my goal to make every child have as miserable a life as I had. I may give you the absolute worst advice in the world if I want to.

Those that know me know that is not true, of course.

But, it is important to keep in mind you are talking to strangers here. People that you are trying to gather information from that have had a problem child in their lives. Each with different backgrounds and different levels of education and wealth and religion and value and morals and,,,,and,,,,and,,,,

It is more important to warn the newbie to take what they want and leave the rest than it is to remind the current members to not push their views and beliefs too strong on a newbie. It is more productive to tell the newbie that we are not medical professionals or pharmacists. We do not diagnose. We do not know which medications will work well for their particular child.

We only know what we know. Through our experiences and the info we have gathered for ourselves. For our own child's interests.
Even on Special Education 101 where there are actual facts and laws discussed - and we have some really well informed mods there - it is always best to go read it for yourself.

In my very humble opinion, of course.

Totoro - I hear you. I agree with you. It is something members should understand and consider when posting. However, it is just as important if not more so that the newbie understand how to process and proceed once they have found us.

 

[Lostparent]

I can honestly say that this is the most up front and non-objectional site that I have ever been on.My son like most of yours has many different issues and we have search all the boards in search for answers.I do not feel like I am being pussed to try a new diet,vitamin,ect....you get my gift.This board,in my opion,is full of freindly and helpful advise with little not no judgment.

 

[flutterbee]

Sigh... If only everyone would listen to me, their lives would be soooo much easier. :rofl:

And I wonder where my son gets that from... :bag:

We're just very passionate, that's all. Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket.

:vote:

 

[Adrift]

For what it's worth,I lurk most of the time and post occasionally. I'm not on the internet a lot but I don't think I've EVER seen a more positive, non-judgemental place than this one (unless you count my husband's Land Rover list which he says is better LOL!). I'm inspired everytime I read everyone's posts!

 

[wakeupcall]

Jeeeeez, what nice things the new members are saying. Honestly, all we ALL hope to get out of this site is a little support. Living with our children can be a very lonely place.

 

[Fran]

All the members are to be commended. The site is only as good as the members let it be.
We hopefully continue with the new kids on the block and us old folks to remember how it feels to be lost.

You contribute to the general atmosphere, by welcoming new members. Posting to someone who doesn't get many responses. If you don't have advice it's ok to just wish them luck or give a hug. No one has all the answers.

 

[Coookie]

I have thought about this thread for awhile now and I think what Busywend said is on the mark. While I don't like argumentative and negative posts we are a board of many people, different experiences but one commonality... Our difficult children are our main concern and sharing what has worked, or not, is what we do. :smile:

Our methods are varied, just as our difficult children are and though I have been gone for awhile I do know that some of us push our point stronger than others, different personalities... and some of us do have opinions that come across harsher than others... again differing personalities but from what I gather the board rules are the same as they were when I came here in '04.

We are not doctor's, psychs or medical people when we come here..we are parents whose hearts are breaking because we are dealing with the many problems that are difficult children. :frown: and are ready to pull our hair out. I remember the title to my first thread..oh so many years ago.. "I am the one that want's to run away". :frown: I received a response that I thought was harsh, almost didn't come back, but sought counsel from one of our gentler, established members and worked it out. In looking back now I realize that the response was not that harsh...the place I was at in my emotional life was. :frown:

The many views here give much food for thought...sometimes very painful thought. :frown: But we do have to remember that the newbies are tender when they come here...and this is a "Soft Place to Land". :smile:

To the newbies I would say, just what busywend said.. "Take what you need and leave the rest."

This is a place to grow, learn and hopefully get help for our difficult children...and ourselves. It is a place to connect for support, care and valuable information... but... not to be taken over the advice of professionals... perhaps to be better able to ask the right questions and seek the correct help. It has saved my sanity more than once. :smile:

So there is my .02 :smile:

Good thread Totoro
:thumb:

 

[TerryJ2]

I'm coming late to this discussion, but one of the best things about this bb is the wealth and variety of experiences and information. Actually, I like it when people say, "Because I was raised thus and such, this is how I see things," or "We tried this and this and this but only thus and such has worked," because it helps me see exactly where they're coming from.
I love it when I see lots of different responses to the same question, because there is no one, single answer. And we are all thinking, feeling, intelligent people and can sift through things over as we choose.
I also wouldn't worry too much about the negativity, because I recall reading through the notes when I was a newbie, for several days b4 I posted, just to see what kind of a place this was. What I saw, read and felt was that there were many, many people in the same boat, suffering through the same issues and emotional turmoil, and oftentimes, way worse off than I was. I saw that there were primarily parents on the bb, and that they had done their homework and come up with-some incredible information, and that first and foremost, this was a support board, at least for me. I didn't see negativity that would turn me off, just frustation that was very, very easy to identify with.
FWIW.

 

[susiestar]

I think we owe our moderators, and fellow members, a big big BIG HUG!!

Most often when we come, we have no idea what we need, and no idea where to turn.

In my own personal and specific case, having someone OTHER than my hubby to turn to was a wonderful gift. Even bigger than that was the wealth of ideas I was given. And NO ONE seemed to think my difficult child's issues were "made up" or "mom being hysterical". When most of the other human type live beings tell you this, you are in a pretty rough place.

Our biggest strength here is the diversity and understanding we give to each other. Even the diversity OF the understanding is amazing. Often I post about what I see as the problem. I get answers and resources for that, on many sides of that problem. But there is often a different view of the problem itself. This has led to a whole lot of healing for my family, and a great warmth in my heart and soul for all of you here at the Board.

Jennifer, you are completely correct, sometimes being able to post is a huge gift all by itself.

I think it is a very rare group of people, of any gender, on any topic, where support is given even if advice is not taken.

This is one of the few forums I have joined/surfed/explored over the years where more than just a few people encourage us as parents to follow our instincts when it comes to the appropriate care (all kind of appropriateness) of our kiddoes. I personally have had a lot of grief from professionals and from other parents for insisting on following my instincts about a child's health, emotional state, education, whatever. Many forums have said or implied that the doctors know more than moms or dads, so the docs should be listened to.

I think encouraging the use of a parent's or both parents' instincts is one of our strongest points. Many times y'all have told me NOT to give up if my instincts say something else is going on. This is a rare and beautiful thing, in my opinion.

Hugs and happy Saturday to all!

Susie