I suggest talking to him only once a week for ten minutes. Your son upsets you and his words would upset anyone. Why listen? Guilt? Does your son feel guilty about his two prison sentences that keep him from his child or does he think other people did this to him? Ten minutes once a week in my opinion is enough.
If your son is serious about leaving the state, he isnt all that interested in being in his daughters life. I would not push it. You cant chage him. You cant change him. You cant change him. Yes, that was three times.
But you keep fruitlessly trying to inspire or shame or reason with an unreasonable man so you fight. But it is out of your hands 100%. 100%. Arguing with him just upsets you and nothing changes. Your son is unwilling to be a father now...proven by two incarcerations and threats to leave the state his daughter is in. But you can still be a good grandmiother. You can only control you, not Son.
in my opinion you have too much contact with him and it stresses you, makes you sick with worry and guilt, and does not help your son one bit.Read the article on detaching, not from loving them, but from his drama, bad choices and the outcome of his life. You must detach from those issues or lose your mind.
I hope you go to Al Anon and therapy for yourself and start putting yourself and your marriage first. Can you really blame husband for not supporting your son who is, frankly, a drug addict and criminal?
Your son will leave you. They all do, unless you pay them to stay. In the big picture your husband will be there for you. Unless your son really changes, and right now he is unable to go to AA, school and other prison services and he wont change on his own, go on with your life. Your husband in my opinion should be more important to you at this point in your life than your wayward son.
Be good to yourself. You are the only person you can change. You are not your son. He needs to walk his own path. You cant walk it for him. Or with him. He is on his own. No seedy "friend" will watch his back. Or can. You cant either though.
Good luck.