No offense meant...i am just trying to show some reality... but 21 is NOT a child.
My 21 year old daughter is engaged and finishing up the law enforcement curriculum in college, lives on her own, and understands birth control. She doesn't want to get pregnant before marriage and graduation...so she takes the shot. She does live with incredibly awesome, well employed, 25 year old fiance and works as well as going to school full time.
This is not the age or capability of a child. Society sees and expects 21 to be an adult. You can serve in the military and vote at 18. Many do.
Sadly, your daughter is a woman who makes poor decisions. Getting pregnant was one. It doesn't help our adult children when we think of them as children.
Second of all, your daughter is not yet fit to raise the baby. She is a drug addict and possibly even selling drugs. You know this is morally way wrong.
All drug addicts are immature, but that is on them in my opinion.That's why, legitimately, Dad has custody. There in my opinion is no big secret conspiracy to take this baby from your daughter and give his other grandma a new son. She is helping her son who has custody and she most likely loves the baby as much as you do.
The good news is baby is safe.
We have no rights to our biological family. Not legally. We control one person...us. Nobody else.
If you want to see your grandchild, maybe urge daughter to change her life, although I am sure you tried already. If you NEED to be angry, in my opinion it is daughter you should feel it towards.
She got pregnant by a man (22 is a man) who doesn't love her and she continued to use drugs WHILE PREGNANT. This will impact this little one forever. Daughter sadly has hurt her baby already, albeit I doubt she was thinking of it. But I adopted a baby whose birthmother took drugs during her pregnancy and this impacted him. He needed tons of school help and community interventions to become a mostly independent 24 year old.
The baby needs strong advocates and probably interventions starting at a very early age. My son's interventions started in infancy.
I know this is hurtful. I am sorry. I wish grandparents had rights. But we don't. And in most states Mom is not favored anymore. Dad and Mom are equal in court. The court awarded primary custody to the parent it felt would best care for baby....Dad. His mother is helping him. He is allowed to let her do it.
You would have helped Daughter. In fact, a drug addict is not able to be a good caretaker on any level.
Now there is hope. She can rehabilitate, go back to court, and get visitation and then you can be more involved.
I strongly suggest therapy to help you cope. This is a loss and you hurt and can't control the players. You need to care for yourself. Please do.
Hugs and love and I am so sorry.
Thank you for the hugs, and the love. I agree that both of them are not children and they are very immature. The Dad is also a drug dealer, who carries a gun and on one recent occasion when the baby was about a week old he pulled a gun out on my cousin who was visiting my daughter to see the baby. He thought it was a joke and laughed it off. Also he begged my daughter to have a baby with him, and even though I told her it was too soon, no one ever listens to mom right. His mother actually took him to get a ring for my daughter when they were only together for two months, which I honestly thought was crazy. Also he proposed to my daughter, knowing that he's already married for papers. ( Didn't disclose that info until my daughter was already several months pregnant. His mother has been involved in their relationship since the very beginning..... as for him, he not only sells weed and other things to make a living ( i'm pretty sure he also steals things and resales them, he does have a real job working driving trucks and doing collections for a furniture company) but also while my daughter was pregnant he decided to start an affair with his 38 year old boss, telling me and anyone else who would listen that he had told my daughter it was over so it wasn't cheating. They were still living together at the time. I call them children because they act like children, but your right, they aren't. They are immature people playing really dangerous game with other peoples lives, most specifically with this baby. And yes the grandmother loves this baby very much, but she's isn't the best caretaker for this child. She just gets to be there because her son has the baby, technically he doesn't even have custody but my daughter isn't doing anything about it so what can i do? My daughter didn't use drugs through the pregnancy though, she only recently started doing pills she was always a pot head but never while pregnant I was around her all the time and I'm pretty sure she didn't do anything. I don't know if she's a drug addict just yet, but I fear that she will be....Anyways I'm angry at everyone. Everyone gets a piece of this. He's wrong, she's wrong they are all wrong. He's no better fit to take care of the baby then she is, but he is smarter and faster. ( meaning that he knew what buttons to push on my daughter, he pushed them until he got a reaction out of her which was easy because she's prone to tempter tantrums, and then he called the cops and told them that she tried to kill the baby. How do I know this was a lie, that she didn't do that? because he called me in the days following to fabricate his story. He recorded our conversations so that he could make it seem like he didn't have anything to do with what had gone on to get my daughter baker acted. but I've had the pleasure of dealing with people like him so i knew what was going on) He was telling her while she was pregnant that he was going to take the baby from her, and even more so after she found out about the other woman. But even though that might sound like she was a victim, she wasn't. I kept trying to tell her that when people show you who they are you should believe them, she didn't believe him. and hat is part of the reason she is where she is today. The other part is her constant bullying an manipulative ways. She spent most of her pregnancy trying to manipulate him and his mother and even myself, and they turned that around on her real quick. If my daughter had just listened to me once. But even during the pregnancy there came a time when I couldn't even tell her things because she was running back to them telling them. There also came a time when they both the mom and son told her to stop talking to me. So it's like yeah I know my daughter is horrible because she is, she really is, but she also found the right match.... these people are no joke. I could get down and dirty with them too, but I won't because one that's not how I roll, two I wouldn't do that to the baby, and three, I have my husband and my kids. I'm already more involved with this family than I care to be. I just feel like that baby needs the chance to have decent people in his life, and these people aren't really it.
I don't know. I just wanted to get some of that out..........
Your right I probably need therapy, but I don't have insurance right now. So I'm using this place as my therapy until I can see someone. In the meantime I can't tell you how good it feels to have found this place, although I know you know too.
