Can we have a happy Christmas?

[Skylark Matrix]

Update first: difficult child has been going to college since she ran away from home last Sept. and doing quite well - or so she tells me. She is five hours away so that helps. I "control" her money through a two signature account, so her rent gets paid and she has weekly spending money payable on Monday, which helps curb the weekend parties because she spends it all the first day. The account was set up before she ran away, and college was arranged to be close to home, but she came up with a new impulse and it has sort of worked out. she's only had 2 boyfriends since being there which is amazing.
Anyway, she is coming home for Christmas and I am getting in a panic. She is so bossy with the plans and she isn't even here yet. I don't want to spend two weeks catering to her every impulse. Everyplace/person she wants to see is at least an hour away, one way. She doesn't have a vehicle and I'm not giving her mine. Plus - we live in the "cold" and "storms" and she doesn't get that either. I'm looking forward to a peaceful holiday with some time off work to relax and she's looking for excitement.
I know I should be so happy, she has done well, we know where she is, she is not drinking in excess, lots is so good, but I'm afraid of close contact where the bad will just shine through.
Thanks for listening.

 

[Hopeless]

Skylark,

I have no words of wisdom for you as I feel I should just skip Christmas this year. Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone.

Here is to wishing that both of our families enjoy Christmas this year.

 

[meowbunny]

Considering her expectations, is there any way to talk to her before she arrives and explain the she won't have access to a car, that you want it to be a quiet, family Christmas, not her running all over the place. Maybe arrange it so that she only comes for a day or two rather than the full Christmas break?

I will admit I wouldn't be too thrilled to have her come back and try to take over. I do understand that most kids coming home from college want to see their friends but most friends are close by, not an hour or so away.

Good luck!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Is she staying with you?

You have a right to set the rules. And I would definitely do that before she got there.

Good luck.

 

[Suz]

It certainly sounds as if you need to discuss her wishes with what's really going to happen. And you also need a Plan B if she doesn't listen and makes life miserable.

So what's a workable Plan B?

Can she go back to school for the rest of the vacation if it doesn't work at home?

Can she visit someone who lives closer to her friends for a few days so she can make those connections so you can both have the kind of vacation you want?

Maybe if you think of a workable Plan B you will be able to relax a little, knowing you aren't trapped...and neither is she. :smile:

Suz

 

[KFld]

This will be the first xmas my difficult child will not be waking up at my house xmas morning and I can remember very clearly the last 2 where he came to visit from his soberhouse and stayed for a few days and it was like instant turmoil. It is kind of sad that he's not waking up in my home for the first xmas ever, but I'm also kind of looking forward to the peace of waking up with just easy child and my dad, then him coming a little later with girlfriend and then going home.
I know what you are feeling because the last two years I felt the dread of how my house was going to be turned upside down and that was only for a few days. You are looking at two weeks. Maybe you could tell her what you need for the holidays and that is relaxation and that you will not be running her all over the place. If her friends live an hour away, tell her they can come and pick her up.

Hope it goes better then you are anticipating and you are able to enjoy her company.

 

[Scent of Cedar II]

That was an excellent idea Suz presented. Anything to get us out of panic mode so we can think what to do next.

That is the thing with our kids.

You never do know what they are going to come up with next, and you find yourself doing things you would never allow in any other situation.

A workable Plan B and a Plan C too, is not a bad idea.

Not a bad idea at all.

Suz helped me once with phrases I could use to defuse situations as they came up. It sounds foolish I know, but those phrases were life savers for me.

It seems like I never know what to say because I hate to say no and I don't want to be rude.

Crazy, huh?

True, though.

Good phrases for me were:

"I will think about that."

"If an answer is needed now, then the answer is no."

"Oh, that's too bad, honey! What are you going to do?"

"Oh, that's too bad, honey! I know you will figure it out, though."

What I found is that these so-subtle changes in me changed the dynamic of the relationship AND MY difficult child WAS ACTUALLY STRUCK SPEECHLESS ONCE FOR ABOUT TWO MINUTES! :smile:

Yep.

Biatch on wheels ~ that's me.

:gingerbread:

Barbara