Can't even be nice!

[meowbunny]

I do not believe it! My daughter needs to go to the apartment to sign the lease. I told her she could use my car but her roomie would have to get his own way. I really don't like people I don't know in my baby and I'd prefer my daughter pay attention to the road, not to someone talking to her. For some odd reason, I thought this was a nice thing to do.

So, she starts arguing with me that her roomie needs a ride. I'm not being fair. He'll have to take a cab. Why am I trusting her NOW to not pick him up when I wouldn't before? (Silly me was willing to give her a chance.) After 30 minutes, I finally gave up and told her the car offer was gone.

Does anyone else have this kind of stupid drama when you offer to do something nice for your kids even if it's not quite what your child wanted or is it just me?

 

[susiestar]

MB, It is NOT just you. We have gone through it. Oddly enough, it was refusing to pick up his friend on one side of town, then drop them off on our side of town for some "house parties". He did reek 21 beers. This is a new to me "rite of passage" for many. You are not alone. Don't tell them. Please him, whatever you need to make sure you did not breakanything, that is all they can do right now.

Did the doctor prescibe any medications? I hate that you are going through all this.

Hugs, and a shoulder anytime.

 

[Hound dog]

been there done that often with Nichole, although not so much recently. Then she'd sulk because the offer would be removed. *sigh*

Last night she had a couple of friends over. The boy parked in my space in the drive. (I was taking Travis to work) So I came in and asked Nichole to have them move the car. Good giref, Nichole accused me of being harsh and rude. Hey! It's my driveway. The kid can park on the street.

My worse thing was her sibs and husband used to give in with her on this sort of thing all of the time. She didn't start doing better about it until they knocked it off.

Hugs

 

[Suz]

Yes, I can remember those days. Hearing them twist a good gesture into something negative is really quite remarkable...and aggravating!

Suz

 

[meowbunny]

Suz, you summed it up perfectly!

 

[WhymeMom?]

At least you still have some control......my son would have said yeah, then gone ahead and picked up the friend and figured I'd never find out. At least she's trainable?????????

 

[meowbunny]

Not really. She knows I'd check the mileage and would know. rofl If she thought she could get away it, it would be a non-issue and she'd just take the car. Of course, it helps that I thought she was blowing it she knows I'd call the police and report the car stolen. (At least she THINKS I will!)

 

[Mikey]

MB: yep, been there done that. I think it's a common trait of difficult children that they have an overblown sense of entitlement, which leads to these types of arguments. McW is world-famous for taking a small gesture of kindness on our part, and twisting it into a huge entitlement that we don't have a right to deny or question!

The McWeedy credo: "If you're given an inch, take a light year - and don't take NO for an answer!"

Maybe, like the druggie sensing gland that addicts seem to be born with, maybe this is another innate skill/trait/curse that difficult children are born with as well. It sure makes it hard to do even the smallest nice things, doesn't it?

Mikey

 

[dirobb]

suz did sum it up quite nicely.

It's funny they don't seem to realise how much they have lose on these "my way or else" issues. Nevermind they didnt lose the battle, we were just mean and didnt do what they wanted us to do, how they wanted us to do it

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Ah, MB. I know it all too well Tink does this to me now, at her tender young age.

I can't even explain it to her either. "Mom, can I wear makeup?" You can wear lip gloss. "NOOOO I want to wear MAKEUP!!" I said, you can wear lip gloss. It's that or nothing. "But MOM! Why can't I wear makeup?" Because I said so. You can wear it in the house but not to school. You may wear lip gloss. "THAT'S NOT FAIR!! I WANT TO WEAR MAKEUP SO I CAN LOOK POPULAR!!" Guess what? You just lost your lip gloss. "MOOOOOOOOM!" I was being nice by letting you wear the lip gloss, but you pushed me too far. Now you lost it. Next time, maybe you will put on the lip gloss without a fight. "No, mom, you're MEAN. You're a BIG JERK."

Makes me want to crawl back to bed.

 

[Star*]

Meow -

The last time that something similar came up the friend wanted ME to bring Dude to where he was because he didn't have gas to come get Dude AND go to the places they had planned.

I couldn't leave the house so I offered the kid $20 to come to the house instead of me driving there and back. Dude was mortified. I thought I was doing a nice thing in offering the gas to the friend and instead I embarrassed my son because I was not cool enough to ride him all over hills and dale.

The friend called back after Dude had told me I just embarrassed his friend so I grabbed the phone apologized for my offering cash and said that Dude had decided for his friend that the money was "so lame" that he would be going no where.

I kid you not = 20 minutes later the friend showed up and of course Dude is standing there like he is ready to go and I said to the friend - Nice of you to Visit; Dude is not going anywhere.

Then of course I am unfair - and this was the plan in the first place Mooooooooooom that friend came to the house and picked him up and they went from here - and I said (And I quote)

The next time you two want to go somewhere I would advise that the ONLY part I play in your plans is being asked permission to GO. Not if I can be a human taxi, not if I will offer gas money and be told I'm lame - either stay here or leave me out of it, but figure out that me and my cash are NO LONGER part of the Saturday afternoon plans for two young men who are both just months away from being 18.

-I got in my car and left and said - I don't know how soon I'll be back, but if you are not here when I come home at whatever time - I will have no choice but to call the cops, report you as a run away which violates your probation (looks lovingly at Dude) and makes you(looks lovingly at friend) an accessory or kidnapper.

When I came home an hour later - both were there watching tv.

I hate being included in plans that I'm not to be included in.

 

[meowbunny]

BBK, for makeup there's a real simple answer -- the school won't allow it (at least none of that I know of, anyway). Heck, my daughter's wouldn't even allow lip gloss.

Twas funny this morning. She called a cab -- it will only take her within the borders of our community but other cab companies can't come in here. Then she has to call another cab to get her to the apartment. As she's waiting for the cab, deep, long sigh by her. I just looked and said (not in a mean tone), "Don't you wish you'd taken me up on using the car?" She didn't say a word, but did nod her head. It really galls her when she figures out she shot herself in the foot.

 

[flutterbee]

You already know that Marie and Wynter are long lost twins, so yeah been there done that. Mine though tries to backpeddle when she realizes she lost the privilege altogether and say 'I didn't mean it like that' or something along those lines. Uh huh. Nice try.

As far as the makeup at school, I remember the elementary school - grades K-4 - sending home a letter asking parents not to send their children to school in full makeup. (!!!) We live right in front of the school and I'd see little girls, 6, 7, 8 years old walking home with more makeup than I wear. At the middle school age - grades 5-6 - they forbade even lip gloss. At least, they forbade it being brought into the school. I'm sure girls wore it to school, though. Even chapstick was suspect, but they loosened up on that.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Well, I know I was not allowed a speck of makeup until highschool. The girls nowadays have more "kid friendly" makeup, like it comes in a package with the Disney Princesses on it, or in a Hello Kitty package. It is more glitter than anything.

And it is not just school. If I say we are going to the store, she'll ask if she can wear makeup. I don't even put on makeup to go to the store.

Anyways, I was just using makeup as an example. She is that way about everything. "Can I have TWO pieces of candy?" *sigh* No, how about one? "ARGH, you are MEAN, it's not FAIR, I HATE you." OK, then how about none. Is none good for you?

If Wynter is Marie's twin, then Tink is their younger sister.

 

[meowbunny]

Personally, from what I've seen I think Wynter and Tink are just my daughter's clones, slowly growing up. Nothing personal, but I'm so glad most of my travails are over at this point and I don't envy either you of one bit.

 

[flutterbee]

OK, then how about none. Is none good for you?

That is so true. They are so good at their own self-defeat, aren't they?

MB - So, what you're really saying is.....

nanni nanni boo boo

I wonder if the 3 of them together in the same room would create as much energy as a nuclear blast?

 

[flutterbee]

Oh, no. Wait. I just got it. (I'm a bit slow.)

What you're really saying is that it doesn't get better with age.

 

[meowbunny]

Think probably both interpretations are spot on. Actually, it gets worse with age because the arguments become more sophisticated and when they don't work, the temper tantrums are trule awe-inspiring. But, then, they finally move out (usually not willingly) and you get to breath a little. Who knows? Maybe you can even be buddies once they're gone -- getting tired of being the mean, no good, uncaring mom. I can dream, right?

 

[Mikey]

But, then, they finally move out (usually not willingly) and you get to breath a little. Who knows? Maybe you can even be buddies once they're gone -- getting tired of being the mean, no good, uncaring mom. I can dream, right?

It's a dream I share with you. Personally, most of the fights we have with McWeedy like this wouldn't occur if he was truly responsible for feeding, clothing, and transporting himself. Other than the obvious fights over his substance abuse, most fights occur because of his "acting out". In our house, that means acting in a disrespectful, disruptive, or dangerous way, or demanding "entitlements" from us when he gives nothing back in return.

If he were to move out, most of the non-drugs/booze fights would end. If he's living on his own, I don't care if his room's a mess - we don't have to clean it just to stay sane. We don't have to worry about him changing clothes three times a day - we don't wash his clothes, nor do we pay for the hot water to wash them with. It goes on, but that's my point.

wife and I disagree on this, but I hope and pray for the day that McW finally moves out. Within that first month, he'll learn that all the things he fought with us about come at a price - to the ones who provide, not the one who consumes. When he becomes the person who has to "provide" instead of just being the ungrateful consumer who "demands", I hope his outlook will change - at least about how he views his family.

And, maybe then, without the other stress we can be "buddies", and maybe even repair some of the damage done to our relationship. It may be a pipe dream, but it's my pipe dream, and I'll hold on to it until it either happens or I'm convinced it won't happen.

We all have to have some hope that it can get better; separate from his drugging/boozing, this is my hope for McWeedy.

Mikey