Coming for weekend visit tomorrow

[tracy551]

difficult child comes for his weekend visit tomorrow and can i say I'm once again not ready. I talked to his counselor and told him of my concerns but I really don't think he gets it. So here we go difficult child will come home and hit the door to talk with his freinds. And yes no matter what rules I put down he will still do what he wants. NOTHING has changed. I have to be around because he is home but he doesn't seem to get the fact that he has to stay with me and have a curfew of 7pm (first I've heard of this curfew since the other day) No way will he follow that. I again feel trapped in my home. Can't leave because difficult child is home and he will refuse to go any place I want to go.(except for shopping which I told him I have no money to do)
husband says he won't let difficult child take over his weekend again, he is going to the camp ground (we keep our camper there) difficult child already says he is not going there because it's not something he likes to do. I can't leave him here and I can't make him go. HE JUST WILL NOT DO IT!!!! no matter what I say.
I HATE THIS SITUATION, HE IS TOTALLY TAKING OVER AGAIN. i GET SO STRESSED AND ANGRY EVERY TIME THIS COMES AROUND.
I know I wrote basically the same post with the last home visit I am just at a loss.

 

[ck1]

Tracy: I don't remember if you posted this before or not, but does your son have a consent decree? If he does, then he has to follow that or you call his probation officer, and most likely, the consent decree will state that he has to follow your rules (or something to that effect).

I just reviewed my sons consent decree with him just before he was transferred to the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). His states something about having to cooperate with counseling, something like that, anyway, he asked me, "so if I have wrap around when I leave here and don't want to participate, you can call my PO?" My answer, "yup, and then depending on the situation, you could end up back in the detention center or have to go somewhere called "the academy" for a weekend".

Also, the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) that my son is in told me that if my difficult child was home and we're not having a good visit, I can bring him right back. If I can't transport him, they'll come get him. Your son MUST KNOW that he has to follow your rules or there is not a place for him in your home. I know that's hard, but it's for his own good and the rest of your family.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, listen to your mommy instincts...they won't fail you now...

 

[hearts and roses]

I'm sorry tracy. My difficult child will be home this weekend and I am envisioning some type of confrontation. I will do my best to avoid it, but I just don't know. She thinks we don't want her home. We just don't want the same old crap.

I'll keep you in my thoughts. hugs

 

[meowbunny]

Honestly, if he isn't willing to follow the rules, I'd be taking his rear back to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) so fast his head would be swimming. And it wouldn't matter how the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) felt about him coming back early. If he gave me any grief, I'd call the police and ask them for assistance in escorting because of harardous driving conditions.

My daughter was a 3-hour plane ride from me. She once came home for a week-end visit and started the same old garbage. I called the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to let them know she was on the next plane out. We sat in the airport for over 4 hours because I would not let her stay at home. She begged me to let her stay the weekend. I explained I loved her but I was not willing to live with a person who hit me or put holes in the wall. I also let her know how much this hurt and disappointed me but it had to be. All future visits were pretty good.

 

[DammitJanet]

When mine was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), if he didnt follow the home rules he got taken immediately back to the placement. This applied if he was in a group home or locked down Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Here in NC, group homes and locked downs are all considered forms of residential placement centers.

 

[tracy551]

True I want him home, and yes I don't want to go thru the same old crap. I'm going to call his counselor today before they leave and tell him to discuss with difficult child the curfew and all of the other things he must abide by because he truely would not believe any of this coming from me. He thinks I'm just picking or being a b*tch. That's not it at all I just can't deal with it anymore.

 

[goldenguru]

What is he saying/doing that makes you think he won't comply?

If he's given you valid reasons to believe he's not going to cooperate, I would cancel the home visit and go to where he is. Get a hotel and hang out (outside of his home domain) and see how that goes.

If you're basing your worries on past behaviors, I would be sure that there is a signed contract regarding the home visit. If he defies you, make arrangements to go back to Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

(Just curious ...Why do you not want him to talk to friends? Are these friends a negative peer group?)


Put the ball in his court so to speak.

 

[KFld]

If you are feeling uneasy and he's alredy arguing about the rules, don't let him come home. I guarantee if you put a stop to it once, he will think a little more about complying next time you consider letting him visit.

Don't be a prisoner in your own home. Free yourself by setting the rules and not allowing him to do this to you.

 

[meowbunny]

Maybe you could have the counselor draw up a paper with the at-home rules and have he and the counselor sign it. You sign and return it when he goes back with comments about compliance. This makes it very clear and leaves no room for squirming since the paper can be pointed to with his signature on it.

 

[Sunlight]

I too agree with the above posters.
I would be tempted to make him go to camp with the family.

 

[tracy551]

The friends are negative. Unfortunately these are the same friends that were here when he was sent away. They are doing the same stuff as well. Drugs, drinking, etc. One of the boys I have had a problem with for a long time and have told difficult child to stay away from for years is now on his way to court for shop lifting. And amazing enough this is the same boy who difficult child has said "has changed". I have told difficult child I do not want him in my house but as soon as I turn my back away from the front door he's sneaking him upstairs. He leaves when i say something but keeps coming back DON'T THESE KIDS GET IT!!!!
I did talk to his counselor this morning and told him of my concerns he said he would be speaking to him before he leaves to come home and if he does not like it he can cancel his visit. Maybe he'll get maybe he won't.