confused

[smallworld]

Janna, if it's ridiculous to let this difficult child go first all the time, then it's ridiculous to make him go last all the time. The first instance will cause him to feel priviledged; the second instance will cause him to feel like a second-class citizen (and meltdown). That was my point in asking that question. I agree that if a difficult child is going to meltdown over the order of teeing off, then taking turns makes a lot of sense.

 

[BusynMember]

I think compromising is the best way. To me it is ridiculous to live with a meltdown just so the difficult child doesn't "win." From my parenting experience (two difficult child's, three PCs) I don't see that giving in sometimes did any harm. My grown kids are all law abiding and not in trouble (and it was touch-and-go with my daughter who is 23 (see signature). I really think it is an overreation to think that just because you concede and take turns going last that the kid will end up in jail. I did that even with my easy child's (I am not overly strict) and not one of my kids ever saw the inside of jail. My fourteen year old with autism is also no longer a behavior problem and my eleven year old is a great kid so far.I think sometimes we cut off our nose to spite our faces and put up with a house full of chaos because we are afraid that if we ever give in at all, or even compromise, our kids will end up jailbirds. It can happen even if we follow through every time, and we also may suffer health problems of our own cracking the whip on every bad behavior. It's a personal choice, but I'm not willing to live in a home that is like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). So it's what you are willing to live with combined with what you feel is right for your children. There are times I had to REALLY get tough, especially with my daughter, but I didn't do it over little things like the kid refusing to eat noodles at dinner or the kid not wanting to play Monopoly with the rest of the family. Of course, this was just our choice, but the few times I got stubborn over things that weren't that important, it used up so much energy and my kids didn't really change. Again, they grew up managing to avoid trouble and jail, so I don't believe it is the end of the world to always have to have the last word. That may work with PCs, but...again, I don't like a warzone for a home. But that's just my opinion and experience.

 

[victorearose]

Hi All,
I wanted to thank you for all your input and advice and update you.

I talked to SO and she likes the idea of being the 'good guy' for a while. If she is with the kids by herself, of course, she will deal with discipline issues. If we are together, she is to defer to me. If the situation is bugging her before it bugs me and she wants to step in she will tell me to "step up" (to the plate).

The last two days with difficult child have been better. I realized that I have been so consumed with a new job and working 50+ hours a week that I was getting lax on discipline. And, as neurologist pointed out to me yesterday. difficult child does have Asperger tendencies and really needs structure. I have been using a 3-strikes-you-loose-privledges technique for both children ... so equal, fair, easy to understand for all. It has worked well for 2 days. *crossing fingers*

We went to neurologist yesterday with ex. SO was working. I asked about seeing a neuropsychologist. Neurologist doesn't think it is necessary and that it won't change the treatment plan or get him more services at school. I think, however, that I may still pursue it. I think the more information the better. It may not change what medications we use for behavior and mood. But, it may help guide us on discipline ... help SO and me get on the same page. And, it may guide school also. If he has, for example, Tourette's plus AD/HD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Aspergers (my thoughts of what he fits) it may change how they discipline him and may change accomodation. The accomodations may be different than if he just has "AD/HD with tics".

Neurologist started difficult child on Imipramine 12.5 mg at bedtime. He also suggested Risperdal. I, however, thought it better to go with the less potent of the two options to begin with.

It is interesting what someone said in another string about children of parents with mood disorders are more likely to have autism spectrum disorders. Can you tell me where to find more information on that?

Thanks again for being here!

Tressa