Court,release need advice

[Helpless29]

I haven’t been posting much, but still come on a lot to read others posts. There hasn’t been much going on with my son, he’s just been sitting in juvenile detention because there has been no programs for him to get into or any family members to take him in. My sons on & off girlfriend, who is a very good girl & who has been there for my son, her mom said she would take my son in. Court is Thursday and his dad & I have agreed to let him go there , so now it’s up to the judge to release him. Please be honest & let me know what you guys think about this. Is this a big mistake I’m making?I want him back home & I know I sound like a broken record but my husband is not fully convinced he will change .

 

[JayPee]

Helpless, I'm sorry for your heartache but the way that I see this is that it's a win -win situation so to speak. Your son now has a soft place to land, out of the cold, will be fed and with someone who cares about him and will support him. Then you can "see" your son, maybe on mutual turf and be able to "test the waters" and still maintain your boundaries as well as not cause a rift between you and your husband.

Once I learned to get off the merry-go-round, I was able to see that I didn't have to have the answers in my back pocket for all the troubles my sons had. Continue to pray for your son, but also for yourself, so that you have the courage to take care of yourself.

Sending hugs.

 

[RN0441]

Helpless, this is a new development that you didn't expect. I'm sure that it makes you feel better. I know it would me.

Who knows, maybe your son will be on his best behavior there since they aren't his parents and there is no unconditional love, it has to be earned and he has to be a good houseguest or they won't let him stay I'm sure. Maybe this is what he needs?

None of us know and it's too soon to tell but I think you have to sit back and see what happens. Sometimes things work out differently than we think they will which I for one think is a good thing because I know how much time and energy you spend trying to just figure this thing out. In the end God is still in charge of everything.

At this point just let it be and see what happens. I still cannot blame your husband for not wanting chaos in your home. That is not good for anyone and especially your younger children and it won't help your son in the end unless he is truly ready to change which so far he has not proven.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Copabanana]

Helpless I agree with the others, that you don't have control here. Almost all of the control exists with your son, his choices. This is worth a try I think with the acceptance that he may or may not choose to make better choices. I am remembering a mother who came here a few years ago about her son the same age as yours. This son turned everything around. I asked her how and she told me it was a new girlfriend. I can see a scenario where your son does not buck this girlfriend's mother in the same way he does his own parents and grandparents. Good luck.

Helpless. You need to let go of the sense you have control here. You don't. You would not be doing wrong by letting them try this. Nor would it be a good thing to make him stay incarcerated when he has this opportunity. But as we have seen, this doesn't mean he will do what he needs to.

 

[Crayola13]

Will he tolerate the rules set by his girlfriend's mom?

 

[MissLulu]

Helpless, I agree with the others - in many ways this is a decision outside of your control. Who knows, it might be a turning point for him. I think it's definitely worth a go. I would hope that the girl's parents will put some boundaries in place (for their sake as well as your son's). You could perhaps talk to them about this if they are open to a conversation.

 

[ksm]

I'm not sure i would even talk to the GFs parents. If they mention you contacted them about boundaries, your son will be defensive towards you for interferring.

I would try being pleasant and thank them for wanting to help. May b e provide them a small list of information, like health insurance numbers, family doctor and dentist. Or maybe not even that much... they know how to contact you. Ksm