Update:
It went ok at mom's. Brother was irritated and standoffish because he wasn't drinking. I'm assuming he was told to wait until I leave. He was only rude once, letting us know he helped cook all day (which he didn't).
We left and were relieved that it went ok. Later that night mom called to say that he had drank a six pack and was angry because she wouldn't buy more. Mind you, he doesn't work. All alcohol and cigarettes are purchased by her.
They argued and he told her if she would give him $100, he would leave and get out of her life. She gave him the $100.
She called me to say she was afraid he would kill himself because it was Christmas.
Ok guys, I did NOT handle this well. I blew up and told my mom that I was really relieved that he was out, without violence (last time he was kicked out, he got in mom and dad face and pushed mom). Hince, the earlier enabling to remove him, so she could get well.
Excuse the rambling and venting, I'm a lot right now. Sorry for being a handful. I didn't sleep and am angry that I allowed myself to get sucked in.
I'm very angry for several reasons, but the biggest is because while she was ill, after being kicked out, staying in a mom-paid-for motel, he ended up in a mental institution. Her only concern was that we all make sure we visit him and bring him money for the vending machines. I told her I had my hands full caretaking for her and dad, so she had my cousin doing it-weekly. That's not the part I'm mad about. The thing is, she asked my cousin to set up a trust for him and when he had that knowledge, he took the money and signed himself out. He was perfectly fine, roof over his head, sober and she gave him the opportunity to leave.
The second reason um angry is similar. As she was recovering, when I chose to get him out of there (food, shelter, transportation, mhmr appointments and paid for his prescriptions) she undid it AGAIN.
my son let him stay in his apartment, with only one expectation- get a job. He only mentioned to him one time, to try harder to get a job. My son came home to the key on the counter and a text saying he was moving in with my mom. He wasn't even asked to leave.
Mom sent him $100 so he took a bus to her for Christmas. Mom and brother know full well he wasn't going to leave her home.
I couldn't sleep last night because, it's easy to cut him off, he is making horrible choices, but I feel (temporarily) to remove the stress, I will have to not take her calls.
I can't continue to let this control my every thought. I blocked my entire family (not my hubby and kids) this morning and shut down my social media. This seems drastic but necessary.
Of course, the guilt has found a comfy spot, not eating, or sleeping , chest pains.
I'm going to try to make the best of today. I'm going to clean our my closets and food prep for the week to make sure I eat healthy. I'm going to find an alanon meeting ( haven't been in years) and just listen. I'm going to push all thoughts and talk of my brother and mom away. Just today.
I will also check out the meditation stuff. Sorry for the rant. I re-read all of your posts and fully plan to attempt self care today.
