DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Lisa...I so predicted this...lol.
D*mmit!!!
- Thread starter Hound dog
- Start date
You are one heck of an aawesome Warrior Grandma!
I hope that katie gets her wakeup call at the shelter and does what she needs to do to be the mother she is supposed to be. Not going to hold my breath. I am also hoping that having M be with the men and separate from katie and the kids will let katie see how much better off she could be without him and how much his presence, behavior, handicaps and abuse are hurting her children. in my opinion he does NOT love those kids because if he truly did love them there would NEVER have been that photo of Kayla and Katie would not have that victim air about her. He also would be working to make sure they had food and shelter, not wasting time and money on movie rental, mcdonalds and whatever else.
that just isn't love in my book.
Will CPS know that there is family when they get involved? I don't really think it is an "if" situation, not deep down. I hope it isn't needed, but chances are it will be the only way the kids get any of the stability, etc... that they need. Not to mention the other help for the disabilities and mental illness. Will Katie tell them that your family exists or will she try to hide it by not telling CPS to contact you or the girls? Will the kids ask to come to you if they are questioned by a social worker? I just worry that CPS will get involved and the kids will be in foster care with different families before you even know that it has happened.
It would be so traumatic and devastating to the children if that happened, even for just a night.
You are absolutely on the right track with all you are doing. In no way should you be trying to financially help katie and the kids, not with your own situation being so precarious. You have GOT to take some time to focus so you can pass your exam and get licensed. You worked too hard to let anything stop you now.
It just might be the very best thing that could EVER happen to the kids if they were placed in your custody. For ALL of them. But I doubt it would be the best thing for YOU. You would adjust, adapt and find a way to enjoy life, but it would be very hard on you.
I hope that katie gets her wakeup call at the shelter and does what she needs to do to be the mother she is supposed to be. Not going to hold my breath. I am also hoping that having M be with the men and separate from katie and the kids will let katie see how much better off she could be without him and how much his presence, behavior, handicaps and abuse are hurting her children. in my opinion he does NOT love those kids because if he truly did love them there would NEVER have been that photo of Kayla and Katie would not have that victim air about her. He also would be working to make sure they had food and shelter, not wasting time and money on movie rental, mcdonalds and whatever else.
that just isn't love in my book.
Will CPS know that there is family when they get involved? I don't really think it is an "if" situation, not deep down. I hope it isn't needed, but chances are it will be the only way the kids get any of the stability, etc... that they need. Not to mention the other help for the disabilities and mental illness. Will Katie tell them that your family exists or will she try to hide it by not telling CPS to contact you or the girls? Will the kids ask to come to you if they are questioned by a social worker? I just worry that CPS will get involved and the kids will be in foster care with different families before you even know that it has happened.
It would be so traumatic and devastating to the children if that happened, even for just a night.
You are absolutely on the right track with all you are doing. In no way should you be trying to financially help katie and the kids, not with your own situation being so precarious. You have GOT to take some time to focus so you can pass your exam and get licensed. You worked too hard to let anything stop you now.
It just might be the very best thing that could EVER happen to the kids if they were placed in your custody. For ALL of them. But I doubt it would be the best thing for YOU. You would adjust, adapt and find a way to enjoy life, but it would be very hard on you.
donna723
Well-Known Member
I think the first thing CPS usually does, at least here, is to see if there are relatives who are willing to take the children before a foster home would ever be considered. It's a lot better for the kids and easier for CPS if the kids are placed with family members. And no matter what Katie or her husband might tell them, the kids are old enough to inform them that they have grandparents living close by. I hope it doesn't come to that but you have to hope for the best but make plans for the worst. I'm hoping too that if Katie and her husband are separated in this shelter, it will give her some time to think and maybe she will see how much easier her life could be without him!
If it comes down to it, if CPS gets involved and they do lose custody of the kids, there will probably be a list of things they must do to regain custody like having a place to live, an income, etc. to show that they can provide for them. If this happens, Katie will soon realize how much more difficult all this will be with her husband dragging her down and maybe that will be what it takes to finally get her to kick him to the curb!
If it comes down to it, if CPS gets involved and they do lose custody of the kids, there will probably be a list of things they must do to regain custody like having a place to live, an income, etc. to show that they can provide for them. If this happens, Katie will soon realize how much more difficult all this will be with her husband dragging her down and maybe that will be what it takes to finally get her to kick him to the curb!
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Honestly.........I don't know anymore if katie really wants to change bad enough. I mean, I think she does, but just like the typical difficult child though, she doesn't want to do the work that is necessary. So in this, she's just as guilty as M.
Actually, I was coming in to vent again. *sigh*
Every since katie was here on tues and I gave her the dayton shelter number.......she's been in the motel room with yet another "migraine". Sorry I'm putting it in quotes now because she's either working herself up into these things.....or she's faking and doing a passive aggressive deal with M as her flunkie bringing us her notes and doing her bidding. And quite frankly it's mega POing me tonight.
M shows up here at 2pm to do laundry........neither of them asked. And of course there was another note. This one says katie wants him to call the shelter and tell them they won't be coming until friday as she was wrong they have the rent paid until then. And she wants the kids to have another day with their daddy (gag me) and with grandma and grandpa cuz they're afraid they'll never see us again. (and who's fault is that one??) Oh, and while I'm at it here is a list of things M needs to ask and tell the shelter for me.........
I went from calm and serene to livid in less than 10 secs.
Moron did not touch my new washer. He did make the call to the shelter. I kept my mouth firmly shut.
M: Uhhhhh yeah, my wife called a few days ago (no it was yesterday moron) and you all are holdin a spot for us on thursday but we aint comin until friday so is that ok?
Shelter staff: whatever dude
M hangs up the phone. I'd been sitting less than a foot a way and heard the whole deal.
Me: Did you give them your name?
M: uhhhh no
Me: Did you give them katie's name?
M: uhhhh no
Me: Did you tell them you're a family of 5?
M: Uhhhhhhhhh no............. (major dumb look crosses his face) uhhhh maybe I should call them back tomorrow.........
OMG!
Do you see what I am dealing with???? No I didn't read to him the list of things katie wanted him to ask. Not my problem. He is my age, if he can't remember what to ask then don't send him to call. I'm not his Momma, nor will I EVER act like it. Better yet, get off your lazy tuckus and come call them yourself.
By the time we get through this moronic display I suddenly remember I have to be at easy child's to get darrin off the bus because sister in law has to take the little baby to pediatrician doctor. So I leave rather in a rush. Not worried about dinner because husband knows there are 2 frozen pizzas in the freezer bought especially to feed them and M knew it too.
I came home at 6pm and figured they'd have been long gone. Nope. I get greeted by kayla and Alex who tell me daddy is going to make fried chicken and bake a cake and cookies. I said oh no he isn't!!! It's 6pm too late for either and I'm making pizza which takes no more than a half hour tops.
M had smoke coming out his ears. I looked him in the eye and just dared him to open his mouth. Who the heck does this SOB think he is?? He did not ASK me if he could cook or bake, he just ASSUMED he could. The reason he didn't why I was gone was because Travis overheard him telling husband his plans and Travis tromped on it and told him NO ONE cooks in MY kitchen without MY permission especially when I'm not home. husband backed the boy up and M did not cook. This is a major issue with M, he just walks in and believes he can do as he pleases like he owns the place and lives here. Drives me utterly insane. Doesn't matter how many times you stop the behavior, he continues to do it. grrrrrrrrrr
So I do the pizza while kayla and alex decide that they'll bake cookies tomorrow........... Uh, no. Tomorrow you're going to dayton, sorry about your luck. There will be no supper at nana's house. There will be no baking at nana's house.
Now I'd have called katie and bawled her out except that M let it slip she turns off the room phone and keeps it off. Hmmmm. Now how does a shelter call people with their phones off?
So, having perfected passive aggression over the past 30 yrs with husband, people I AM the Queen, I used katie's own tactic against her. I wrote her a nice long note husband will deliver to her first thing in the morning when he picks up the kids for school.
In it I state that you don't kick a gift horse in the mouth and that I am not letting her risk losing her shelter spot in dayton over 1 bleeping day in the motel. Shelters are not motels, you don't get to pick and choose when you're going to show up especially when they were kind enough to hold the spot due to you being far away and needing to arrange transport. Told her she has 3 kids to think about and it is just not worth them being on the street. Then reminded her yet again she will not be coming back here to stay even "short term" due to our finances. Then I told her she needed to get her stuff packed over there by at least noon and get over here. She has more to pack from here and M said there was more laundry. Then I told her the 4pm she told the shelter would be earlier as husband doesn't want to arrive in dayton during rush hour and he is not comfortable driving at night. So the kids may be taken out of school before it lets out.
I did not ask her. I told her. I did at least attempt to do it tactfully.
Do these two really believe the world is going to cater to their whims? OMG She didn't ask husband and I if we could take them on friday, she just basically TOLD us we were going to. Uh nope don't think so kiddo.
easy child believes her calling the shelter to change plans was to try to tick them off and to ruin the deal.........so they could come back here. And then if I tell her no, I'm the bad guy not her. Maybe. I dunno. I don't care. I just know I'm NOT at their beck and call and they'd better get it figured out fast or all help is going to abruptly stop.
As for the grands being terrified they'll never see us again............well, gee katie YOU did that with your 6yr disappearing act remember? Wasn't us.
I hope the shelter makes them step up to the plate. Sadly, I'm doubting it will. Katie is too busy feeling sorry for herself or too lazy to get up and do what needs to be done when she is the only one to do it. M is too stupid, illiterate, and selfish to care about anyone except himself and how long it's going to take him to get a computer. It's not how long until they get a place to live.....it's how long until a computer. argh!!!!!
Oh, and also in the note katie tries to pull a guilt trip on me. Ohhhhhh she soooo doesn't want the kids in the shelter over the holidays, especially xmas. Well, then dear you should've svcked it up and made those phone calls and did what needed to be done to get a job and a roof over your head. This after I'd already told the kids they'd be here for the holidays.
Yup. Pretty darn livid tonight. I'm going to have all I can do not to literally push them out the door tomorrow.
Actually, I was coming in to vent again. *sigh*
Every since katie was here on tues and I gave her the dayton shelter number.......she's been in the motel room with yet another "migraine". Sorry I'm putting it in quotes now because she's either working herself up into these things.....or she's faking and doing a passive aggressive deal with M as her flunkie bringing us her notes and doing her bidding. And quite frankly it's mega POing me tonight.
M shows up here at 2pm to do laundry........neither of them asked. And of course there was another note. This one says katie wants him to call the shelter and tell them they won't be coming until friday as she was wrong they have the rent paid until then. And she wants the kids to have another day with their daddy (gag me) and with grandma and grandpa cuz they're afraid they'll never see us again. (and who's fault is that one??) Oh, and while I'm at it here is a list of things M needs to ask and tell the shelter for me.........
I went from calm and serene to livid in less than 10 secs.
Moron did not touch my new washer. He did make the call to the shelter. I kept my mouth firmly shut.
M: Uhhhhh yeah, my wife called a few days ago (no it was yesterday moron) and you all are holdin a spot for us on thursday but we aint comin until friday so is that ok?
Shelter staff: whatever dude
M hangs up the phone. I'd been sitting less than a foot a way and heard the whole deal.
Me: Did you give them your name?
M: uhhhh no
Me: Did you give them katie's name?
M: uhhhh no
Me: Did you tell them you're a family of 5?
M: Uhhhhhhhhh no............. (major dumb look crosses his face) uhhhh maybe I should call them back tomorrow.........
OMG!
Do you see what I am dealing with???? No I didn't read to him the list of things katie wanted him to ask. Not my problem. He is my age, if he can't remember what to ask then don't send him to call. I'm not his Momma, nor will I EVER act like it. Better yet, get off your lazy tuckus and come call them yourself.By the time we get through this moronic display I suddenly remember I have to be at easy child's to get darrin off the bus because sister in law has to take the little baby to pediatrician doctor. So I leave rather in a rush. Not worried about dinner because husband knows there are 2 frozen pizzas in the freezer bought especially to feed them and M knew it too.
I came home at 6pm and figured they'd have been long gone. Nope. I get greeted by kayla and Alex who tell me daddy is going to make fried chicken and bake a cake and cookies. I said oh no he isn't!!! It's 6pm too late for either and I'm making pizza which takes no more than a half hour tops.
M had smoke coming out his ears. I looked him in the eye and just dared him to open his mouth.
Who the heck does this SOB think he is?? He did not ASK me if he could cook or bake, he just ASSUMED he could. The reason he didn't why I was gone was because Travis overheard him telling husband his plans and Travis tromped on it and told him NO ONE cooks in MY kitchen without MY permission especially when I'm not home. husband backed the boy up and M did not cook. This is a major issue with M, he just walks in and believes he can do as he pleases like he owns the place and lives here. Drives me utterly insane. Doesn't matter how many times you stop the behavior, he continues to do it. grrrrrrrrrrSo I do the pizza while kayla and alex decide that they'll bake cookies tomorrow........... Uh, no. Tomorrow you're going to dayton, sorry about your luck. There will be no supper at nana's house. There will be no baking at nana's house.
Now I'd have called katie and bawled her out except that M let it slip she turns off the room phone and keeps it off. Hmmmm. Now how does a shelter call people with their phones off?
So, having perfected passive aggression over the past 30 yrs with husband, people I AM the Queen, I used katie's own tactic against her. I wrote her a nice long note husband will deliver to her first thing in the morning when he picks up the kids for school.
In it I state that you don't kick a gift horse in the mouth and that I am not letting her risk losing her shelter spot in dayton over 1 bleeping day in the motel. Shelters are not motels, you don't get to pick and choose when you're going to show up especially when they were kind enough to hold the spot due to you being far away and needing to arrange transport. Told her she has 3 kids to think about and it is just not worth them being on the street. Then reminded her yet again she will not be coming back here to stay even "short term" due to our finances. Then I told her she needed to get her stuff packed over there by at least noon and get over here. She has more to pack from here and M said there was more laundry. Then I told her the 4pm she told the shelter would be earlier as husband doesn't want to arrive in dayton during rush hour and he is not comfortable driving at night. So the kids may be taken out of school before it lets out.
I did not ask her. I told her. I did at least attempt to do it tactfully.
Do these two really believe the world is going to cater to their whims? OMG She didn't ask husband and I if we could take them on friday, she just basically TOLD us we were going to. Uh nope don't think so kiddo.
easy child believes her calling the shelter to change plans was to try to tick them off and to ruin the deal.........so they could come back here. And then if I tell her no, I'm the bad guy not her. Maybe. I dunno. I don't care. I just know I'm NOT at their beck and call and they'd better get it figured out fast or all help is going to abruptly stop.
As for the grands being terrified they'll never see us again............well, gee katie YOU did that with your 6yr disappearing act remember? Wasn't us.
I hope the shelter makes them step up to the plate. Sadly, I'm doubting it will. Katie is too busy feeling sorry for herself or too lazy to get up and do what needs to be done when she is the only one to do it. M is too stupid, illiterate, and selfish to care about anyone except himself and how long it's going to take him to get a computer. It's not how long until they get a place to live.....it's how long until a computer. argh!!!!!
Oh, and also in the note katie tries to pull a guilt trip on me. Ohhhhhh she soooo doesn't want the kids in the shelter over the holidays, especially xmas. Well, then dear you should've svcked it up and made those phone calls and did what needed to be done to get a job and a roof over your head. This after I'd already told the kids they'd be here for the holidays.
Yup. Pretty darn livid tonight. I'm going to have all I can do not to literally push them out the door tomorrow.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Im ticked for you.
I have been wondering for a while now why they have to come to your house for the calls about shelters. Dont motels have phones in them?
I have been wondering for a while now why they have to come to your house for the calls about shelters. Dont motels have phones in them?
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Oh, she's been supposed to be doing the calls for the local shelter from the motel. Wilmington and dayton are long distance calls so she can't use their phone for that.
And you just helped me catch her in a lie. oops! That means she did NOT call the wilmington shelter like she told me she did as she hasn't called shelters from here since they stayed here except on tues when I had her call dayton. Which I didn't believe she bothered to call any of them since she left.........she was lying in hopes I'd let them come back, she wasn't counting I'd hand her the number to dayton's shelter instead.
And you just helped me catch her in a lie. oops! That means she did NOT call the wilmington shelter like she told me she did as she hasn't called shelters from here since they stayed here except on tues when I had her call dayton. Which I didn't believe she bothered to call any of them since she left.........she was lying in hopes I'd let them come back, she wasn't counting I'd hand her the number to dayton's shelter instead.
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Lisa--
This is terrible. I'd be fuming mad at K and M, too....
but my heart would be breaking for the grands. It's so unfair that they are getting uprooted and shuffled around and facing such uncertainty.
It's not my place, but I really want to tell you to grab those grandchildren while you can before K and M get the whole family living in a ditch somewhere while they wait for somebody to mooch off. I wouldn't giver a flying fig what happens to the adults - it's their own stupid choices. But the kids? It's just not fair...
((((Hugs)))))
My G-d grant you some extra strength and wisdom to get through today!
This is terrible. I'd be fuming mad at K and M, too....
but my heart would be breaking for the grands. It's so unfair that they are getting uprooted and shuffled around and facing such uncertainty.
It's not my place, but I really want to tell you to grab those grandchildren while you can before K and M get the whole family living in a ditch somewhere while they wait for somebody to mooch off. I wouldn't giver a flying fig what happens to the adults - it's their own stupid choices. But the kids? It's just not fair...
((((Hugs)))))
My G-d grant you some extra strength and wisdom to get through today!
Stay strong, you are absolutely doing the right thing here. this is just plain nuts of them. in my opinion you have every reason to call CPS at any time, esp as school knows they are in a motel but cannot contact them because she turns the phone off. So if something were to happen at school there would be NO way for them to let katie and M know. Our schools here give you 30 min to return a phone call and tell them when you will pick up your child but it needs to be with-in 1 hr of the first call or they call either your emergency contact or CPS. That is for a sick kid. If something else happens, they either call CPS or send the cops to find you. No way would they tolerate a phone being off.
Who hte F does this guy think he is to come cook an expensive meal like fried chicken and cake and cookies in your home, with your food, for his family, without asking you? I am SURE that cleaning up after the disaster he would create while cooking this feast does NOT enter into his plans - he would be too tired or have to try to wheedle his way onto a computer to actually clean up his mess, I bet.
I don't blame you for having a fit. Sending a note is an excellent idea. No way for her to argue with you then. I bow to the QUEEN!!! All Hail QUEEN LISA!!
Who hte F does this guy think he is to come cook an expensive meal like fried chicken and cake and cookies in your home, with your food, for his family, without asking you? I am SURE that cleaning up after the disaster he would create while cooking this feast does NOT enter into his plans - he would be too tired or have to try to wheedle his way onto a computer to actually clean up his mess, I bet.
I don't blame you for having a fit. Sending a note is an excellent idea. No way for her to argue with you then. I bow to the QUEEN!!! All Hail QUEEN LISA!!
