Christmas with our Difficult Child was horrible!!! Thank goodness our son and his family were delightful and patient.
Our adopted daughter is close to thirty. She has from the beginning had issues with Christmas Day. She is usually very depressed. Sometimes, she seems moody, angry, emotional, etc. She suffers from Bipolar Disorder. Years ago, we had her in regular therapy. One therapist said she did not have as many issues with her adoption as she has seen with other adopted kids. We've offered for her to go to therapy again.
She went briefly perhaps a year ago and it was a disaster. She would either forget her appointment. (and I would get charged) OR she would actually know and still not go.
We've had knocked down arguments in the past starting a day or two before Christmas and Christmas Day is often terrible. She ditched the entire family once for a creepy boyfriend. Literally took all her presents from under the tree and took off. She is almost always rude, ungrateful, weird, moody and so forth.
Our bio son lives in another city. For the last few years we go and stay with him and his family or in a place nearby. She always wants to come. So, we pay for her travel to come and stay with us.
We wont travel with her (for obvious reasons) so it costs extra.
We go out of our way to accommodate her. She doesn't ever do her hair nicely (blow dry etc.) and in fact, often times will go a day or two without even brushing it. There is NO NO NO discussing this with her. She always has an excuse and it gets really weird because she might complain that her hair is messy and if you say "why don't you brush it?" she'll scream and yell about some sort of issue of some kind (I have a weak hand, my blow dryer is terrible, there is not enough time, my hair is hard to work with) To avoid these stupid discussions, we pay for her to go to a nice salon and get it done as part of her xmas present. There are usually family gatherings + xmas day, photos, etc. and we don't want to hear crxp about her hair.
This visit was worse than ever. She literally complained about every little thing. When I say everything, I mean everything. I almost said an exception was the hair blow out....but I forgot for a second she complained about the products the stylist used. She complained about where we parked the car, the local grocery store, our dog, giving too many presents to our grandson, how she hates her brother, about food, about the weather, about not getting as many presents as our grandson, about not feeling well, about past problems, about her clothing/shoes, about her teeth, about the train....it was non stop. It's as if she HAD to make a comment about every little thing and every little comment was VERY NEGATIVE. I could not possibly exaggerate. She literally complained constantly. Often times she wasn't even making sense.
At one point I found myself with tears literally pouring out of my eyeballs.
As a side note...I have some health issues...nothing too terrible...but of concern. I know in my heart all this stress can't be good. Right now I'm on a ton of medication. This stress can't be good for anyone, really!
Anyway, in about a year when my husband retires, we hope to move to where our son and his family lives. She chose to stay put. We gave her the option. We have told her that she is free to take the train to visit us fairly regularly. (Unsure if I still feel that way though)
I suspect somewhat this (our future move) is behind the extreme negativity.
Don't get me wrong. Her "unpleasantness" particularly on Christmas is always 9 or 10 on a 1-10 scale. However, this time it was pushing an 11.
Maybe she is very tense about us eventually leaving the city she lives in for the one her brother lives in.
Got any ideas? My husband says next time he might fly her in on Christmas Eve and fly her out on the morning of the 26th. She made it VERY clear she hates the train....offering up many complaints.
Thoughts? Talk about someone being ungrateful. It was sad. We go out of our way to be pleasant...getting her nice presents, her hair done, her nails done, taking her to nice places...etc.
When she left...to the best of my knowledge...no thank yous or apologies.
A day or two later, I spoke with her on the phone and it was as if nothing happened and she seemed significantly happier.
Thoughts?
PS I had someone recognize me from a post years ago. So, I'm always a little concerned about that. Therefore, there is a small chance I might ask for this to be removed down the road.
Our adopted daughter is close to thirty. She has from the beginning had issues with Christmas Day. She is usually very depressed. Sometimes, she seems moody, angry, emotional, etc. She suffers from Bipolar Disorder. Years ago, we had her in regular therapy. One therapist said she did not have as many issues with her adoption as she has seen with other adopted kids. We've offered for her to go to therapy again.
She went briefly perhaps a year ago and it was a disaster. She would either forget her appointment. (and I would get charged) OR she would actually know and still not go.
We've had knocked down arguments in the past starting a day or two before Christmas and Christmas Day is often terrible. She ditched the entire family once for a creepy boyfriend. Literally took all her presents from under the tree and took off. She is almost always rude, ungrateful, weird, moody and so forth.
Our bio son lives in another city. For the last few years we go and stay with him and his family or in a place nearby. She always wants to come. So, we pay for her travel to come and stay with us.
We wont travel with her (for obvious reasons) so it costs extra.
We go out of our way to accommodate her. She doesn't ever do her hair nicely (blow dry etc.) and in fact, often times will go a day or two without even brushing it. There is NO NO NO discussing this with her. She always has an excuse and it gets really weird because she might complain that her hair is messy and if you say "why don't you brush it?" she'll scream and yell about some sort of issue of some kind (I have a weak hand, my blow dryer is terrible, there is not enough time, my hair is hard to work with) To avoid these stupid discussions, we pay for her to go to a nice salon and get it done as part of her xmas present. There are usually family gatherings + xmas day, photos, etc. and we don't want to hear crxp about her hair.
This visit was worse than ever. She literally complained about every little thing. When I say everything, I mean everything. I almost said an exception was the hair blow out....but I forgot for a second she complained about the products the stylist used. She complained about where we parked the car, the local grocery store, our dog, giving too many presents to our grandson, how she hates her brother, about food, about the weather, about not getting as many presents as our grandson, about not feeling well, about past problems, about her clothing/shoes, about her teeth, about the train....it was non stop. It's as if she HAD to make a comment about every little thing and every little comment was VERY NEGATIVE. I could not possibly exaggerate. She literally complained constantly. Often times she wasn't even making sense.
At one point I found myself with tears literally pouring out of my eyeballs.
As a side note...I have some health issues...nothing too terrible...but of concern. I know in my heart all this stress can't be good. Right now I'm on a ton of medication. This stress can't be good for anyone, really!
Anyway, in about a year when my husband retires, we hope to move to where our son and his family lives. She chose to stay put. We gave her the option. We have told her that she is free to take the train to visit us fairly regularly. (Unsure if I still feel that way though)
I suspect somewhat this (our future move) is behind the extreme negativity.
Don't get me wrong. Her "unpleasantness" particularly on Christmas is always 9 or 10 on a 1-10 scale. However, this time it was pushing an 11.
Maybe she is very tense about us eventually leaving the city she lives in for the one her brother lives in.
Got any ideas? My husband says next time he might fly her in on Christmas Eve and fly her out on the morning of the 26th. She made it VERY clear she hates the train....offering up many complaints.
Thoughts? Talk about someone being ungrateful. It was sad. We go out of our way to be pleasant...getting her nice presents, her hair done, her nails done, taking her to nice places...etc.
When she left...to the best of my knowledge...no thank yous or apologies.
A day or two later, I spoke with her on the phone and it was as if nothing happened and she seemed significantly happier.
Thoughts?
PS I had someone recognize me from a post years ago. So, I'm always a little concerned about that. Therefore, there is a small chance I might ask for this to be removed down the road.
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