Hello, Well, it's another day! I swear everytime I open my eyes in the AM my stress level goes way up! Yes, my daughters natural father has a lot to do with this mess, when my daughter would go to his house he'd give her money, buy her lot's of things then the next minute get sooo angry at her for nothing, he can turn on a dime it's scary to watch, he has always said terrible things about me to her, he is so spiteful, his whole family is the same way, to tell a 5 year your mother is a b..ch straight to her face killed me, she'd come running to the car crying, it was so hard, he has done so much damage, I told him he was hurting our daughter so much by saying nasty things but all he did was swear at me, he is nuts, it was such a battle all the time. She no longer sees him or his family, absolutely hates them all, but she has been affected badly I know it. We've had the talks about how she can be attracted to the "bad guys" because of her father and she actually said she'd never do that, not realizing that is exactly what she is doing. She dropped out of high school 2 months ago, the principal was calling me all the time saying her grades were falling so much and she'd just walk off school property in the middle of the day, her boyfriend was kicked out for stealing, fighting and swearing at the principal last year. She got her GED a month ago so at least she has that for now, I practically forced her to get that. The principal said she can go so far, she's smart but her boyfriend is a terrible influence... I wasn't going to mention this but, 5 months ago she told me she was pregnant, I went in to such a depression seeing her and the baby's life right before my eyes, can't really get in to all the details, too painful really, but she did lose the baby, after seeing it on a scan, he was so angry and told everyone a bunch of lies, she was so hurt but he lied his way out of it all, so, I'm also worried for her because every so often she'll mention what happened and blames herself, I think therapy will help but she won't go. mrsammler, You are right, my daughter is an adult, even though I thought I'd never ever say the words, this is my house...I have said it, she doesn't like to hear it and tells me that's cruel...aggh, always has something to say...it's usually "WOW!" like I'm such a mean person, my brain hurts.. toughlovin, she was just a normal teen before meeting this boyfriend, had girl-friends, they all had sleepovers, went to the mall, usual stuff, now she never sees her friends, she says they are not her friends and guess who she heard that from? Hound dog, let's hope he gets another girlfriend! I won't tell her to leave unless it is the last resort, then that would be hard to do, I did say a few things the other day, bringing stealing in to the converstion, slipped that one in somehow...and she said "Im not stupid.."..... end of conversation. lovemysons, it is very interesting to hear from someone who has been on my daughters end, you actually know what she's feeling and what you say makes perfect sense, I hope you are okay now. CrazyinVA, You and your daughter have been through so much, truly terrible, I just want to give you a big hug, yes, I have banned him from our home and told my daughter I'm not going to give her any money (I would treat her to some things but found out she was treating him with it) while he is around because he never has anything and I'm not paying for him, she did say she understood that. As I'm writing this she called and said they are going to the pawn shop to sell his guitar....omg..wonder who's guitar it is elizabrary, I had no idea so many of us are going through the same things, I've done the same thing as you, told her I know she is lying and not get in to an argument, it's funny you should say you deal with everything matter of factly, i was just thinking of that the other day and have put it in to action a few times, the boyfriend is not allowed in our home, that's it..I have been so ill over all this, crying, not sleeping properly, I feel like hell and probably look it too! I can't go on like this so I'm interested in how you are detaching, and hope they come to their senses. Dammit Janet, love the name!...she hardly ever answers her cell to me, whether I call or text, I always text "I love you" though. I know what you're saying about the stealing part but I KNOW she is up to no good! I can tell, but I did manage to tell her no one should ever steal, they always get caught and did she know cameras are everywhere, and I'm sure jail is not a good place, hope she listened. Hi Star, how did you know my daughter has had venom in her eyes looking at me! those were the exact words I used once when I was trying to tell her something. Ah yes, therapy office and adoption, I was adopted too and that's a whole other issue isn't it! Sorry this is so long, but everyone is helping so much, everyday I am a mess but I have also been thinking, I've said how I feel and need to keep an eye on what's happening but I think I'm going to concentrate on talking to her about college and the future, not the boyfriend. Oh...sooooo difficult isn't it..hugs to everyone.