Dealing With Changing Moods When Yours Doesn't Change

[ChickPea]

My daughter's moods change a lot. I don't want to be flippant and say it's bi-polar, but I do think it may be. Or it might just be her and who she decides she is for the day/week.

Last week she was on 14 day rampage, was vile, obnoxious, distant, not visiting her child, making threats, lying, and trying to destroy peace. Quit two or more "jobs" (quotes because she barely started either). Our fault, surely because we didn't (fill in the blanks).

This week she's been wanting to hang out all the time, started another new job, and is acting as if this has been the way things have been forever and a day, wanting to come over every single day because she "misses her son."

I don't know if some of this is an act (one of the kids is home from college - possibly putting on a bit of a show for him, not sure), or if her mood has lifted a bit or what.

I don't really want to be around her any more than I did when she was on her rampage, however. I feel guilt about that, but I also feel like I have to protect myself a bit. If her current upswing sticks, great. The longer it sticks, great. But five days just isn't enough for me to recover from the last barrage.

 

[Triedntrue]

My son has always been able to go from sweet to vile with no notice. He is bipolar. It is hard though because drugs make it worse. Take the time you need for peace in my opinion. If you can go visit a friend out of town or just go zone out in a hotel. It helps sometimes to be where you you can't help even if you want to. Just a thought.

 

[ChickPea]

Thanks hon.
Yeah, the drugs (in her case) do make it worse. I don't have the option to completely zone out right now, but I try to when I can.

 

[ksm]

My older DGD is similar and has been told she is bipolar, but it's untreated at the time. Since I don't have to deal with her on a daily basis things seem better.

But I remember those rages... And then the over the top sickly sweet days. It put me on high alert...what does she want? What's next? And if I dared to bring up the previous day's atrocities I would get a lecture! "Why do you keep bringing up the past? Why can't you ever just let things go??"

Sigh. This week she mentioned moving back home...long enough to save enough money to move to another state. Ugghh. I like the distance we have now. Her lifestyle drives me crazy. Sets an alarm to go to work, then lays in bed til 10 minutes before check in time. Then she is in a tizzy because she doesn't have time for makeup, can't find clean clothes, and during the middle of the whole fiasco...she has to SnapChat her friends and take duck lip photos...

Ksm

 

[WiseChoices]

So much of what we observe in others is fueled by their own feelings of discontent, irritability, and restlessness followed by guilt, remorse, and wanting to patch things up. None of this is communicated or spoken of because the underlying issue, addiction, is stepped in shame and secrecy and so must be protected at all costs.

When I realise that the feelings, thoughts, and actions of others are none of my business , that the cycles of their mental health issues like addiction are neither about me nor caused by me, I can stop living from the outside on, and start living from the inside out.

What do I need, what do I feel, what do I want in this moment? How do I take care of me right now? By doing that, the other people in my life have the opportunity to do the same for themselves if they so chose .

 

[Blindsided]

My daughter's moods change a lot. I don't want to be flippant and say it's bi-polar, but I do think it may be. Or it might just be her and who she decides she is for the day/week.

Last week she was on 14 day rampage, was vile, obnoxious, distant, not visiting her child, making threats, lying, and trying to destroy peace. Quit two or more "jobs" (quotes because she barely started either). Our fault, surely because we didn't (fill in the blanks).

This week she's been wanting to hang out all the time, started another new job, and is acting as if this has been the way things have been forever and a day, wanting to come over every single day because she "misses her son."

I don't know if some of this is an act (one of the kids is home from college - possibly putting on a bit of a show for him, not sure), or if her mood has lifted a bit or what.

I don't really want to be around her any more than I did when she was on her rampage, however. I feel guilt about that, but I also feel like I have to protect myself a bit. If her current upswing sticks, great. The longer it sticks, great. But five days just isn't enough for me to recover from the last barrage.

I hope you are taking every moment of every day that you need. You certainly deserve it. I am learning to address the fear and guilt differently. Neither is reality, they are feelings that so often attach to my imagination. Our DCs manipulate us. That may not be what is happening, but it seems you understand you have reason to tread softly.

Thinking of you.

 

[Triedntrue]

Ksm if you are not comfortable with her home don't feel you have to allow it. You are entitled to peace in your own home.

 

[ChickPea]

Ugh, I had a response typed out and then got pulled away.

My older DGD is similar and has been told she is bipolar, but it's untreated at the time. Since I don't have to deal with her on a daily basis things seem better.

But I remember those rages... And then the over the top sickly sweet days. It put me on high alert...what does she want? What's next? And if I dared to bring up the previous day's atrocities I would get a lecture! "Why do you keep bringing up the past? Why can't you ever just let things go??"
Ksm

Literally if I mention something 5 hours ago it's "in the past" and I'm being "negative" when she's trying to be positive. It's almost comical?!?

My husband and I have agreed that, logically, if things are steady (employment, living situation, etc.) then we can adjust our responses a bit. But right now it's all talk and living in her moment. Right now, for us, it has to be about protecting a child from the turbulence of abuse and toxicity. By no means are we perfect, but we are stable and loving and trying.

 

[ksm]

"Living in her moment". Love it! That's exactly how my daughter is (adopted granddaughter)

She called Friday about 1pm. Wants to know where she could find a 1920's style flapper dress for a New Year's Eve party. I said, we'll come over and let's look thru your closet, or maybe look at goodwill for inspiration.

Little sis looked thru her closet and found a black sparkly sleeveless knee length dress, she also found a ruffled top that would work with an appropriate skirt. I told her all she needed a long chain of beads, and ribbon tied around her forehead, and maybe sew on some old jewelry on the ribbon.

Now this party was just a party in a friends home...not a fancy ball at a venue. I sent her photos of the items I had. And she replied, "Not now, I'm driving to xxxx (50 miles away!) to see what I can find to wear to the party, and I got to be at work at 5!"

She later sent me of a photo in a full beaded dress asking me what I thought.

She gets so wrapped up in small things that she lets day to day obLibations suffer. A few days ago, she was saving every dime to m,poverty e out of state...then she was probably do spending $100/200 for a stupid dress for some guys living room.

She is like a chameleon...changing in to what ever a new guy friend is interested in. Their interests, their music, their beliefs, their politics. In the past year it was rodeos, cowboy boots, country music and dancing, then, it was body building, supplements, work out clothes. Niw it's guns, drinking, right wing politics, and tattoos.

Maybe she will meet a nice guy, into church and working, and time with family... Nah... Too boring for her, and that type isn't in to chameleons and butterflies... Ksm